After Death
by CountryGirl6556
Summary: Everyone is sad and confused when Horohoro dies and the only person who knows what happened is too heartbroken to speak. She has been left all alone, shut down by the pain. What she doesn't know is that someone else is remembering a promise they made long ago, and despite his own pain and how his life is falling apart, refuses to break it.
1. Chapter 1

So, all the beginning stuffs- Dont own shaman king and never will, sorry to say.

It's been years since I stopped writing but stress in my life has pulled me back in. This is one that i wrote years ago, deleted, and made again with a new plot and frankly better writing. I have most of this story written, just a few little holes to plug, but if it doesn't get a response I'm not sure if I will continue. I love writing and want to improve any way I can, any helpful feedback would be loved.

For now, here we go.

UPDATE! I am updating all the chapters and getting rid of little mistakes that I have found and changing my section breakers to something this program can understand and not just delete them. Hopefully they are easier to read now.

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Looking around as things were carried out of the apartment he thought back to that night, all those years ago, when he had made his best friend a promise under the stars in the American desert. The two of them laid like this frequently but tonight he could tell there was tension.

Finally the Ainu spoke. "Ren? I want to ask you something." When he didn't respond Horohoro continued. "If anything happens to me, can you promise you will take care of Pirika?" Now Ren looked over sharply, "Why would I ever want to look after your bratty little sister?" he snapped. "I trust you more than anyone else and I know you would be good to her, please?" "There isn't any point in discussing this as I will not allow my team to lose."

Horohoro smiled, knowing he had caught him. "If there isn't any chance of it happening it should be an easy promise to make." He glared over, though it couldn't be seen on the moonless night. "Fine, I, Ren Tao, promise that if you die I will make sure nothing happens to the brat." Although he never would have admitted it at the time, he felt honored when he had been asked. Pirika meant more to Horohoro than anything else in the world and for him to trust anyone that much was a huge thing.

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How he regretted that promise now. He never thought his friend would actually die. At first he tried to convince himself that Horohoro had only meant if something happened to him during the tournament, but Ren knew better. Nothing would make him break this last promise, no matter how much he hated the idea.

Walking over to the crying blue haired girl he snapped his fingers in front of her face to get her attention. She hadn't spoken or even looked people in the eye since the accident two weeks ago so he didn't know why he did it. "I promised your brother a long time ago that if anything happened to him I would take care of you. That means you will be coming back to China with me tonight. Pack everything you need and I will meet you in front of the Onsen at six." With that he walked away, leaving her staring up in surprise.

He knew he should have been more gentle but this entire mess had shaken him badly. The accident had never really been explained, there were no witnesses, the driver of the truck didn't stop, and Pirika had refused to speak a word. None of them could understand how he didn't feel the truck coming. He was powerful enough that he should have been able to get out of the way but he hadn't.

Then when he had gone back home a few days ago and told Jeanne that he was bringing Pirika back she had thrown a fit. She said that Pirika would be eighteen in a few months and at that point she would be an adult and could live alone. Until then, Jeanne had demanded she stay with Anna and Yoh since they had offered. But he couldn't do it, he knew they could take care of her, but with Hana, Tamao, Ryu and the Onsen in a slow spell they were only living comfortably themselves, they didn't need an extra mouth.

Horohoro had been insistent that Pirika would focus on her studies, so he refused to let her get a job and as a result, she had no experience at all. Not to mention that no matter how hard he had tried, they never were able to get any savings, always using every last yen on food and rent. With no real chance at a job and no savings, she had already lost the apartment.

If he had never actually said Ren had to take her in, why didn't he just make sure she went to school or help her find work she asked. Ren knew what his friend had meant and he refused to back down on his word. It had been the biggest fight they had ever had, that ended with her slapping him and stomping out. He traveled back to Tokyo two days later and they still hadn't spoken. She would throw another fit when he got back, but at this point he didn't even care.

Heading to the Onsen he met Yoh outside. "I'm taking Pirika back with me." He told the shocked man. "It was a promise that I made a long time ago. I told her to meet me here at 6 that way Tamao can say goodbye." "Alright, if you're sure." Yoh had responded with a shrug. The other man walked away so he went inside to tell the others.

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At exactly 6 a dark car pulled up outside and Pirika headed out with her one beat up bag of things and her brothers' snow board. Most of the things they owned had been sold to pay for his arrangements and anything else she had wanted to keep she left with Anna.

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They both stayed silent throughout the car ride and flight with Ren not speaking until they were walking into the mansion. "Pay attention to where we go, there isn't going to be anyone to show you around. You will be staying just down the hall from Jeanne and I, with Jun three floors down. I am usually kept very busy by work so if you need anything you will have to go to her. Breakfast starts at seven every morning and lunch comes at noon."

He pointed out a few things along the way, the dining room, one of the libraries, and the back door out to the garden. Opening a door he pushed her inside. Looking around she saw a large bed, a desk, a dresser and a chest, but otherwise the room was bare. Opening another door inside the room he showed her the toilet and told her the baths were at the end of the hall. After pointing out the room he shared with Jeanne he walked out and shut the door.

Pirika opened her bag and began unpacking, placing her few outfits in a single drawer, leaning the snowboard against the wall and setting the few trinkets she had brought onto the desk. Changing quickly she crawled into bed and cried herself to sleep while Kororo cried on her head and Kyuri lay close behind her.

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	2. Chapter 2

K, just a warning, Jeanne is a bitch in this, because frankly I never liked her, not even once. She is creepy and her whole killing for the greater good thing kinda annoyed me. I wanted to work Men into the story but since I don't want Jeanne in it for very long I had to do something to make her go away.

Hope you like it, read and review if you do.

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Ren was jerked awake in the middle of the night by desperate screaming. After jumping out of bed he remembered what Yoh had told him. "She screams every night in her sleep. It lasts between fifteen minutes to a half hour and we have tried everything we could to stop it but Faust said she's probably reliving the accident. It will go away in its own time, for now we just have to wait." Wanting to be sure he walked to her room and peeked in the door.

He saw just what he expected, Pirika was flailing around in bed screaming and sobbing. Giving a sigh he shut the door and walked back to his own only to find Men crying and Jeanne trying to rock him while glaring at him. "Can't you shut her up?" she snapped. Grabbing the baby from her arms Ren prepared a bottle while bouncing him lightly. "Just go to sleep." He told her coldly, refusing to look back or respond when she starting muttering softly under her breath. Sitting on the rocker in the corner of the room he sat with Men until Pirika finally quieted and he went back to bed, setting the sleeping infant between them.

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Jeanne refused to speak to him the next morning, getting up and heading straight for the library. Ren just rolled his eyes at her childish antics and carried Men out to breakfast. He had been working in his office for over an hour when Jun came in, angry. "Where is Pirika?" she asked him. "I wouldn't know. I have more important things to worry about at the moment." He said without looking up. "Ren, not one of the servants have seen her all day." "I showed her where the dining room was and told her when breakfast would be served. If she needed anything she could have asked." "How could she ask for help when she doesn't speak Chinese!" she asked coldly.

He glanced up at her for a moment before looking back down again. "If she hasn't shown up by lunch I will send someone to check on her." "And what are they going to do? Walk in, look at her and walk out? She won't understand anything they say." "What would you like me to do then?" Jun sighed in frustration. "Ren you brought her here. You can't just abandon her and expect her to find her own way. I understand why you did it and I think what you did was wonderful, but now you are responsible for her and she needs help. She just lost her brother; the poor girl is in mourning." Ren glared at her. "Alright, if she hasn't shown up by lunch I will go check on her myself. Does that suit you?" Knowing that was the best she was going get for now she walked out and left him alone again.

Lunch had passed and the blue eyed girl had yet to make an appearance so he headed to her room. Giving a knock he walked right in to find the room freezing. The window was wide open and the vents were closed. Looking around he finally found her sitting in a corner behind the dresser, wrapped in her brothers' jacket. "Pirika what are you doing?" he asked coldly, but she didn't respond. "Look at me!" he yelled. For the first time she looked at him, and when their eyes met he regretted it. Looking up at him were blue eyes identical to those of his dead friend. The only difference was these eyes were hollow. If you looked into them, instead of a soul you saw only emptiness; it looked as if the girl inside was already gone.

"Pirika I cannot afford to have someone baby sit you all the time. I need you to be able to take care of yourself or I will be forced to send you back to Japan." "I won't go back." She mumbled her voice scratchy from such a long time without being used. Although he was surprised she was finally speaking, he refused to show it. "Then I need you to behave. You will be required to come to meals and your schooling will be continued once I can find someone qualified that can speak Japanese. Also, you are going to need to be instructed in Chinese as it is all that will be spoken throughout the house." Her eyes traveled back to the window. "I will learn whatever you demand but I have no desire to leave this room." "You need to eat." He told her coldly. "I'm not hungry." "Fine you stupid child. If you want to stay locked up in here forever I won't stop you." Spinning around angrily he slammed the door and walked away.

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When the next evening had passed and she still hadn't left her room he decided to do something. It took him awhile but he finally found what he had been looking for. Waiting in the hallway a woman in her early twenties came out and bowed to him. "You can speak Japanese?" he asked quickly. She nodded and followed him as he began walking away. "I want you to watch someone for me." "Mistress Pirika?" she asked softly.

Glancing back he kept walking. "Yes. Things will be very simple, just time consuming. Your job will be to make sure at least her basic needs are met. Guarantee she is eating even if it means bringing her meals to her. Make sure she is bathing and changing. At this point I don't care if she leaves her room or talks at all, that will be dealt with later. All your other duties may be ignored for the time being."

They stopped in front of her door and Ren pushed it open. Looking down at her she spoke. "It will be done Master Ren." "One more thing. She is going to deny any help you try and give but you are to insist. If she absolutely refuses to obey find me." Giving him another bow she walked slowly into the room and shut the door.

"Mistress Pirika?" she asked, looking slowly around the freezing room. Walking to the window she started to close it but was stopped halfway through by a cold hand on her arm. "Leave it open." Giving a sigh she left them open a crack and went to open the vents. "It is freezing in here. I shall leave them cracked so you will get fresh air but you need to have heat. Now you should go down the hall and take a bath while I fetch you some supper." "I'm not hungry." "Master Ren insists. He told me to come to him with any problems but I am sure everything will go wonderfully." "Fine. Get out and I will get ready." Although her voice never left a whisper, it was obvious she was angry. Giving a small bow the girl left to get some food.

As she entered the room a half hour later it was already much warmer. Sitting on the bed staring out the window was the Ainu. Her hair was damp confirming she had washed, but as she still had the large coat she had worn before on, it wasn't clear whether she had changed. Setting the tray she carried on the desk she unloaded the steaming hot bowl of rice, a glass of milk, and a pair of chop sticks. "You need to eat now." She said kindly, leading her across the room.

Once she had put a few pieces of rice in her mouth she looked over at the girl next to her. She had jet black hair and warm brown eyes and was sending her a shy smile. "Who are you?" Giving a small bow she answered softly. "My name is Bao. I serve the Tao household." "Why are you here?" "The master instructed me to assist you. He became concerned when you were absent for so long."

Pirika gave a small snort of disbelief, "I am here because he has a debt to repay, my care is of little importance to him." Bao shook her head slightly confused. "I think you are mistaken, Mistress Jeanne got very upset with him when he decided to bring someone in to aid you. She is very vocal about her desire for you to leave but the Master refuses." Taking a few more bites of the food Pirika pushed it away and lay down on the bed. Looking down at the nibbled on meal Bao sighed and cleared it.

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Nearly two weeks had passed since she had arrived in China and she still refused to leave her room. Bao informed Ren that she was eating minimally but at least she would take something at every meal now. It was around eight at night and he was walking up and down the hall with Men as he fussed. He was unsurprised when Jeanne walked up to him angrily. "I was told that you plan on bringing a private tutor in from Japan." Instead of responding he continued to pace but she moved in front of him, making him stop. "There is no reason for you to waste the time and resources that will require. I will not allow you to do this while there are still things that I desire that are denied to me."

His eyes were cold as he glared down at her. "You have everything that you need and more luxuries than I care to mention. Do not act like you are neglected. She is still seventeen and has yet to graduate high school. I will ensure that she is allowed that chance. You know as well as I that she cannot speak Chinese and having her learn to the extent needed would be impossible."

"Why are you even bothering to teach her? The simple school she went to before would have given her such an inadequate education it would take someone like her years to get to the point of either you or I. She is a different class than us and does not belong here. When will you see that?" "I am the head of this household and that means that the decisions about how it is run are in my hands alone. You would do well to remember that." He replied coldly.

Pirika and Bao were both listening at the door with Bao translating. Tears were falling slowly down Pirikas' cheeks as she heard the insults thrown at her by the French Maiden. The slap they heard next was loud enough to be heard clearly in the room.

Ren grabbed her wrist tightly as she tried to hit him again. "If Men was not in my arms right now I would have thrown you to the floor. Raise your hand to me again and I guarantee you will regret it." The last thing that they heard was a door slam before the hallway got quiet again. Bao tried everything she could think of to engage her, but the Ainu refused to move or respond. Eventually she stopped trying and left for the night.

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	3. Chapter 3

Just a warning this chapter includes attempted suicide, I know this can be very difficult for some people and wanted to give everyone a heads up. Read and review if you like, reviews make me happy and post more.

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Ren was sitting at his desk working when Kororo appeared next to him squeaking desperately. Looking up, he saw that she was trying to pull him towards the door. Standing immediately he followed her to a window that looked out towards the back garden. It took a moment, but he eventually saw her, standing outside in two feet of snow wearing only her jeans and a tank top. Swearing loudly he ran to his room and slipped on shoes before he ran downstairs.

Walking outside he followed her footprints to a small pond that she was sitting next to. Looking down he saw red staining the snow around her. "What do you think you are doing?" he roared. She looked up at him but she wasn't able to focus. "Please leave me be." She begged trying to push him away. Getting a glance at her wrists he saw a deep gash on each one, blood dripping down her arm.

"Your brother is dead and punishing yourself will not bring him back!" "If it weren't for me he would still be here!" she cried, more emotion in her voice than he had heard in a month. "What are you talking about?" he snapped. "It was supposed to be me. I was supposed to die." She sobbed thinking back to the moment she relived every night.

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He was walking her home from school, just as he did every day. Crossing a road she slipped on a patch of ice and when she had hit the ground her books spilled from her bag. Standing back up she went to collect them. That was when everything had slowed down, as if watching a movie frame by frame. Looking up as he screamed her name she saw his eyes fill with terror. Turning to one side she saw the truck coming at her. She froze in fear, watching as it barreled right for her, never slowing down. A second before it hit she closed her eyes but she was pushed roughly out of the way. Opening them she saw her brother standing where she had been just before. A look of relief crossed his face as he was hit.

The truck threw him forward a hundred feet where she watched him hit the ground with a thud. Running towards him she was screaming his name, wishing it was all just a dream. Throwing herself to the ground next to him she lifted his head and grabbed his hand tightly. He smiled when he saw her, happy she was safe. "I'm sorry Piri." He whispered. "Don't talk." She pleaded. "Just hang on." "I love you." After muttering the last three words his eyes closed for the last time. She had still been screaming when the police arrived, but it was far too late by then. By the time a crying Yoh came to take her home she had shut down. She wouldn't speak or look at anyone, she just sat there, hollow and empty, as if she had died as well. Once back at the Onsen Tamao and Anna had removed her blood soaked clothes and put her to bed. By the time she awoke his headband and jacket were cleaned and resting at the foot of her futon. All her memories after that were fuzzy.

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"He is dead because of you!" Ren shouted at her before turning to go inside. As much as he hated her right now he knew he couldn't leave her out here to bleed to death. Reaching down he grabbed her roughly and threw her over his shoulder. He ignored her screams and the way her fists pounded onto his backs, demanding he leave her outside to die. "Bason!" he shouted, summoning the spirit quickly as he moved for the door. "Yes Bocchama?" he asked before he saw the girl screaming in his arms. "Get Jun!" The spirit vanished instantly.

Getting her to her room he threw her down on the bed and left angrily, slamming the door behind himself. Out in the hallway he started punching the wall beside her door repeatedly, wishing to beat the new facts from his mind. Jun came running up and looked at him desperately. All he could do was motion towards the door and try not to cry as he waited outside. It was a few minutes before the screaming finally stopped but when it did Jun called him inside.

"Ren I need your help!" "I don't even want to look at her." He spat in disgust. "I have given her a sedative but I need to close these wounds and I cannot do it alone. Come over here now!" Glancing angrily at the pale girl lying on the bed he moved forward and did as she asked.

Before long, Jun had finished and was instructing the servants to change the bedding quickly before she woke up as she would probably start fighting immediately. Walking into the tiny bathroom he saw a piece of metal she had obviously sharpened herself sitting on the floor. Picking it up he tried to leave but his sister stopped him once more. "Please, Ren, just lift her up while they work. It will only take a minute."

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As he finally reentered the hallway he saw Bao running up crying. "Master, I'm sorry she told me she was just going out for a walk." Clenching his fist tightly he spoke. "She is never to be left alone again, even for a moment. You will sleep in her room and accompany her everywhere. If you are ever unable to stay for any reason you do not leave her side until someone else has come. Is that understood?" "Yes Master Ren." She cried, running into the open room. Closing his eyes Ren returned to his office and locked the door behind him.

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"Mistress Jun?" a voice called from softly behind her. Turning around she saw Bason floating nervously by the door. "Yes Bason?" "The young Master, he has been locked in his study all day and forbids even me to enter." Jun sighed and stood up. "I will handle it."

Getting to the door she pulled out a ring of keys and opened the door, ducking as a knife was flung at her head. "Get out." He snarled. "Ren this is more than enough. I don't know what happened between you, but you need to go help that girl." "Do not order me." "Well somebody needs to! You have left her alone for weeks with only a maid to bring her meals. It isn't healthy. You need to help her recover." "I don't care if she rots in there." "How can you say that? What could she have possibly done that would make you wish any more pain on her?" "It's her fault."

She could see him trying not to cry, showing her how much he was hurting. Getting the phone call from Yoh had led to the first tears she had seen Ren said since he was a very small child. "Ren how can it be her fault?" she asked sadly. "He only got hit by the damn truck because he was pushing her out of the way. It should have been her that died."

"You selfish bastard!" she yelled, completely losing her temper. "How can you blame that on her? If it had been me in front of the truck you would have done the same thing he did!" "That's different. You never would have been stupid enough to be in a position like that." "When you came back here after father had locked me up all those years ago you knew your chances of getting out alive were miniscule. But you came back anyways, to free me. You were willing to die for even the smallest chance of saving me!"

She could see she had got to him by the way he refused to meet her eyes but she continued. "Horokeu gave his life to save her. If you treat her this way, his sacrifice will have been for nothing. If you ever truly cared for him, do not throw his choice away by punishing her. What would he think if he could see you now?" Tears of her own falling she left the room and walked away.

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He had only returned to grab Men before he carried the sleeping child in his arms around the mansion for the night. With each step he could hear Horohoros' voice in his head. It started when he remembered all the times the stupid Ainu would brag about something she had done or how impressed he was with her, but after that the voice got angry. He could hear his friend yelling at him about how he had trusted him with his sister and he had failed.

The words came easily, as if he was standing right in the hallway with him, but Ren knew he was long gone. Somehow that made it worse. Trying to remember the good times was blocked out with the hatred and disappointment he would feel if he could see his sister now. At dawn he finally went to his room and was met with Jeanne looking rather pleased. "I warned you something like this would happen. It was only a matter on time." With that he lost it.

Setting Men down on the bed he stepped forward and grabbed her arm tightly. "My best friend is dead and they only thing you have done this entire month is insult his sister and him by relation. If you do not start watching your mouth I will have you removed from my sight." "How should I respond?" she asked coldly, "Because of them you missed the first two weeks of Mens' life!" "Do not pretend this is about him. You get up in the morning and leave him in the bed for me to handle, then at night you only hold him if I pass him to you." She opened her mouth to speak but he stopped her. "Get out." He ordered. Gritting her teeth she spun around and left. At that point he lay down on the bed and let himself cry.

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	4. Chapter 4

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He had brought Men to the nanny they used on the rare occasions he needed to be separated from the child but didn't feel up to trying to work so he just walked aimlessly, or at least tried but he found himself outside Pirikas door before very long. Sighing he walked in to see Bao standing by the window crying. Seeing him she quickly wiped away her tears and stepped forward. "She won't respond to anything, she just sits there. I don't think she closed her eyes for a moment last night." Tilting his head to the door she left quickly, leaving the two of them alone together.

Moving over to her bed he sat near her. "I miss him." He said softly. Ever so slowly she faced him. "He was the best friend I ever had. No matter what happened, he was there. Never once did he judge me when he learned something from my past or even something recent I had done. He just listened, giving his stupid grin when I was done." Looking over he saw a hint of the girl she had been before this. Her eyes were no longer empty, instead they showed a pain he could barely comprehend, but somehow it was still better.

For the first time he saw how terrible she really looked. The extreme weight she had lost was easy to see in how her ashen skin clung to her cheeks. Closing his eyes he begged his friend for forgiveness, knowing how much he would hate Ren for letting her get this way. "I'm sorry." She whispered desperately. "I didn't want it to happen. I wanted it to be me." He touched her hand gently. "It wasn't your fault. He knew what he was doing. You were everything to him, all he ever talked about." "Stop lying to me. You told me how you felt yesterday. I know you don't want me here and neither does Jeanne-sama."

"Pirika I'm-" he broke off, unable to apologize even knowing how wrong he had been. "I shouldn't have spoken like that. I know you would have saved him if you could have, any of us would." "The walls around here have ears and I know what happens outside. Three ghosts tell me the secrets they hear and the workers are overjoyed to tell me the new things that Jeanne-_sama_ says about me every day."

Glaring over into the corner Ren saw Bason looking afraid and ashamed. "You let me deal with Jeanne. Since you got here I have not fulfilled the promise I made to your brother. I told him that I would take care of you, and up until this point I have failed. Caring for and helping others is far from a strength of mine but I will try. For now why don't you get dressed and I will take you around the mansion and maybe out onto the grounds." Not waiting for a response he left the room to find Bao waiting uncomfortably outside. "You are free to go. She will stay with me today. I will have you summoned if you are needed." Giving a bow she turned and left quickly.

After a few minutes he knocked on the door and stepped back inside to see her pulling a sweater over her head. Looking down quickly he pretended he had seen nothing. "If you are ready I will show you around." Turning around she gave a nod before following him out. "Is there anything you would like to see?" He asked. Her response was to shake her head slightly, continuing to walk with her arms wrapped tightly around herself. Shrugging he just took her around to the libraries and a number of quiet sitting rooms.

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"If you ever need me during the day this is where you will find me." He said opening the door to his office. Looking around she had to admit the room looked like a place he would spend his time. Everything was efficiently organized with nothing unnecessary and absolutely no clutter. It fit him perfectly in every way. The only thing that looked at all out of place was the small cradle in the corner. Walking in she ran her fingers across the spines of the books on his shelf, not surprised when all the titles were in Chinese.

Suddenly a kyonshi appeared and Ren sighed. "I need to go, Men requires attention." Pirika followed him quickly as he hurried to the small Childs' side. Walking into a room she had yet to see was a small playroom. There were a number of stuffed animals, blocks and trains all around the floor, but in the middle of the room was a flustered woman holding a shrieking baby. Walking forward Ren took the child and dismissed the woman with his hand.

As he soothed the child he hadn't seen Pirika come up until she spoke, standing just in front of him. "May I?" she asked softly moving her hands forward ever so slightly. Looking down at her he was shocked to see something in her eyes besides pain, what it was he didn't really care, as long as she was recovering even a little. "Pirika he doesn't really like to be held by anyone but me and occasionally Jeanne." "I just want to try." "Be very careful with him." Ren warned as he set Men gently into her arms. There were still more surprises in store for him as Men started cooing softly and reached up to try and touch her face.

The tiniest hint of a smile played on her lips as she looked down at the helpless infant she held in her arms. It was something about the innocence of a child that could make you feel warm inside. His eyes met hers, happy and clear, not a care in the world, just happy to be held in the warm arms of another. Ren couldn't help but stare at the pair of them. He couldn't believe how right Men looked in her arms, how happy he was. His own mother never got this reaction from him and now he was doing it for a stranger he had never before seen.

Ren had yet to see anything this close to a smile from her since the accident. If she ever showed any emotion it was only pain and regret. It looked nice to see her even a little happy and he was glad he had seen it at least this once, even if it disappeared the moment he left her arms. "What's his name?" she asked softly. "Men." Ren told her happily. The child was the one bright point in his life right now and he was proud of him. "He's nearly five weeks old." "You are beautiful Men." She whispered softly, the child moving in her arms at the sound of his own name.

"Lunch will be soon and we should head down." He told her softly, taking her attention off the bundle she held. Giving a sad last look at Men she tried to pass him over but Ren shook his head. "We are just going to the dining hall, I'm sure he will manage without me until then." She smiled, bigger this time, and allowed him to lead her away.

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Things were going well until they walked into the room. She had been talking more than he had heard in as long as he could remember, but as she stepped into the dining hall she felt the atmosphere in the room change. Looking up she saw Ren's family looking at her surprised while Jeanne looked ready to kill. Ren acted quickly, slipping the boy back into his own arms before he sat next to his wife. Pirika looked down ashamed and went to the other side of the table to sit.

Both Rens parents and Jun spent most of the meal talking to her and she rather enjoyed it. She knew Jun was of course fluent in Japanese but his parents were holding conversations and it rather surprised her. On the other side of the table Jeanne was speaking to Ren in Chinese, probably just to bother her, but if Ren responded at all in was in Japanese. She appreciated his gesture, refusing to speak in a language everyone but she could understand. It meant a decent bit to her after all that she had been through recently, to at least understand the words around her.

Jeanne seemed to think she was being brushed off and finished her meal quickly before leaving. After she left most of the tension seemed to leave the room and the meal was finished in peace. Once they were finished Ren led her out of the room and upstairs. "Would you like to go outside? New snow fell last night." That hint of a smile appeared again. "That would be wonderful." "Go grab a jacket and your boots while I get Men ready." Walking quickly into her room, she thought for a second before she grabbed her brothers' jacket. It was huge on her, going well past her hands and half way to her knees so she knew it wouldn't keep her as warm, but she still needed it, she couldn't be without him yet.

Walking to his room she watched as he bundled the infant up before slipping on a jacket and shoes of his own. With that, he carried Men and led her outside. Ren was happy to see that the bloody snow had been cleaned up properly and the new flakes hid the only remaining clues of the events of the day before. Her eyes strayed to it anyways and she stopped walking and her fingers slid over the bandages on her left wrist. She stayed that way for a few moments until Ren took her hand and pulled her away. Once they had gotten past she noticed Ren was still holding her hand. Yanking it quickly from his grasp a tiny blush covered her cheeks.

"What were you discussing with my parents as we ate?" he asked, trying to distract her. "Umm, they wanted to know about all sorts of things. First they told me they were sorry about my brother, and how good of a friend he was to you, but after that they mostly asked about what I enjoyed to do, how I had done in my schooling, what I exceled at, things like that." "And what did you answer?"

She looked up at him curiously, but he was focusing on Men. He was probably just trying to get her to think about other things. "Well, until this point I guess I did well enough in school, though math was always a struggle. Onii-chan would study everything just before I did so he could help me with it. Biology and animal studies were easy enough with how I grew up. The only thing I really enjoyed was home ec.. I love cooking, making clothes, that sort of thing. I made everything we needed when we were younger so it is something I spent a lot of time doing." The thoughts of her brother had her crying again and when she stopped Ren put a hand gently on her back.

Her tears didn't last as long as usual and she had stayed quiet and contained but it was still hard to watch. "I'm sorry." She said softly, looking up and wiping her tears. Ren acted as if it hadn't happened and started walking again once she was ready. They had headed around aimlessly for some time before he led her to the stables.

Walking in, she was slightly cheered at the sight of stall after stall of horses. Men was seeing the horses for the first time and so Ren let Pirika wander off as he brought the boy close to some of the most gentle beasts. The door to the tack room was closed and the most dangerous thing out here would probably be a pitch fork so he wasn't afraid to let her out of his sight for a bit. He heard a familiar whinny and creak of a door and he thought again. There was one other thing out here that could be very dangerous, Hakuoh. The stable boys even refused to go near the beast, pushing his food through the bars to avoid opening the door, after the horse had kicked one of them, breaking close to half of his ribs. Ren was the only one who could approach him, but Pirika might just be naïve enough to try.

Running to the far back corner of the stable he saw the door open. Looking in he got another shock. Standing in front of the snow white horse, nuzzling his nose, was Pirika. Grabbing the back of her shirt roughly he yanked her backwards, causing her to fall away from the horse. Hakuoh stomped a hoof angrily as Ren moved quickly between them, back to the horse. "What are you doing?" he yelled angrily. She looked up. "What am I doing? What are you doing?" "You picked the one horse in the stable that hates people." "Well he didn't seem to hate me now did he?"

Picking herself up off the ground she tried to walk back into the stall. "I am the only one who may ever approach this horse." Glaring she pushed him roughly out of the way, knowing he would keep his balance and grip on Men, but still get out of her way. Head tilted down she walked slowly forward, eyes looking up occasionally. Ren held his breath and waited, but an attack never came. The blue haired girl gave another ghost smile as she started to pet the horse. "You aren't scary at all, are you?" she soothed, getting another contented snort from him. "Okay, fine, you have proved your point. You've tamed my horse and can hold my son. Now please get out of there before he changes his mind."

She rolled her eyes at his fear but gave the large beast a few final strokes and kind words before she walked out and closed the stall door behind her. "Pirika promise me you won't go in there again." "I promise I will not enter that stall again without you being present." He glared at her obvious disregard to his wishes. Instead of walking away she leaned against the door and watched him move. "Can I ride him?" "I will teach you how to ride a horse at some point. Now we should get inside, Men has been out in the weather too long." Once inside, he called for Bao to accompany Pirika for the remainder of the day while he tried to get at least some work done.

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	5. Chapter 5

Like I said before, sorry for Jeanne I just really don't like her.

Please review, not only does it make me super happy but it will also help me improve, something I greatly desire

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The next day Ren went to his office right after breakfast but he had told Pirika not to hide in her room all day. She decided she might as well check the library, maybe she could find something in Japanese to keep her busy. As soon as she walked into the library Bao felt the tension. She wasn't sure if Pirika had noticed but Jeanne was sitting in the far corner of the room with a book and was sending over a deathly glare. Looking between the two women she turned and ran from the room. Ren had instructed her never to leave the blue haired girl but somehow she knew this wouldn't end well.

Pirika had seen her the moment she had walked in but refused to be intimidated. Walking around the room looking at the spines of all the books she heard Jeanne slam her book down and walk over. "Until I succeed in removing you from this household there are rules that you are going to be required to follow." Getting only silence she continued. "You are forbidden from touching my son under any circumstances. Any interactions you have with my husband will be in public locations and you will keep a distance of at least a foot from him. You are to avoid my presence at all costs. I have no desire for you to ever cross my path. Do not forget that I am the Mistress of this house and I will be obeyed. Now I ask that you remove yourself from my sight."

Ren looked up angrily when someone ran into his office without knocking. "What do you think you are doing barging in here?" he snapped. Panting Bao gave a deep bow, speaking as quickly as she could. "I'm sorry Master Ren but Mistress Pirika, she went into the library with Mistress Jeanne and she seemed extremely upset." Jumping to his feet Ren pushed past and ran towards them. Jeanne had been waiting to get a chance to speak to Pirika alone and nothing she was planning could be good. "Stay with Men!" was the last thing he yelled before he was gone.

"I believe that Ren-sama is the only one in the house I am required to listen to." She said calmly, still not looking up. "You cheeky brat I will give you only one chance. You will leave this house before morning and you will never return!" Jeanne started to shake with rage from being ignored and lost every last bit of her temper. "You are as much of a heathen as your worthless brother was. Obviously he failed miserably in his job of raising you into a lady. He tried to ruin my marriage just as you are now and you know what happened to him. If you do not leave now I will guarantee the same fate for you."

Whatever Jeanne had been expecting, it wasn't for Pirika to launch herself forward and start punching the French girl. She was so caught off guard that she didn't respond until Pirika had covered her fists in a layer of jagged ice. Oversouling quickly she went to throw an attack forward but it was broken in midair by Ren who had run into the room looking furious. Pirika fell to the ground sobbing as Jeanne pointed accusingly at her. "That girl attacked me! I have had enough and refuse to allow her to stay any longer!"

When he turned and walked over to her, looking ready to kill, she was surprised. How could he possibly side with Pirika when he walked in to see her attacking his own wife? Grabbing her upper arm tightly, he watched her wince as his grip was strong enough to start a tingling sensation in her fingers. "I am through with your lies and manipulation. You deserved that and more with what you said." Shooting a quick look to the doorway he motioned two kyonshi forward. "Take her to the west wing, she may move freely but is not allowed into north part of the house. Keep her there until I summon her." Yanking her arm away the French maiden fled from the room, not able to hide her tears.

"Bason." "Bocchama?" "Watch her, I don't want her near Men right now." Giving a nod the spirit left for his task, leaving Ren and Pirika alone in the room. With how enraged she was he wasn't surprised that the temperature in the room had plummeted. He had never seen her do it before, but whenever Horohoro had gotten upset he would start radiating a chill that he wasn't even aware of.

Ren had figured out that Pirika was a shaman years ago, though he wasn't sure anyone else knew. In the past few weeks he had caught glimpses of a snakelike creature a few times before it had vanished. Reaching down he lifted her from the ground and allowed her to wrap her arms around him. He could think of nothing to say, so instead he just held her until she was recovered enough to leave the room.

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Bao had been waiting outside with Men when Ren and Pirika came out, so after he took the child they went to her room. Glancing at the child Pirika walked over and shut the window to keep out the chill that she so enjoyed. Grabbing her brothers head band she set it on her head, not bothering to move it when it fell around her neck.

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After what had happened Ren stayed with her for the rest of the day never leaving her room. He had meals and bottles sent up to them as needed and he was happy to see her eat more than she had since arriving. It seemed that her being filled with anger and pain were better at least than the empty way she had been before.

By the time it was ten he stood up and was about to call someone to find Bao but Pirika grabbed his arm and held him back. "Please don't leave me." She begged, looking down at her feet. "Pirika I need to take Men to bed, and it has been a long day for both of us." "I don't want to be alone." "I will make sure Bao is here before I go." He told her gently but she just gave his arm an extra squeeze.

Looking up at him her cerulean eyes were scared and pleading. His first thought was how angry Jeanne would be, but then he decided that he didn't actually care about that. She had been making so much progress in the last two days he had spent with her what could it possibly hurt. Sighing deeply he chose. "Change into your pajamas and bring anything you need for the night to my room."

With that he carried Men down the hall and quickly changed himself into the baggy pants he wore to bed. He heard a soft knock on the door as he started to change Men. "Enter." He called. The door opened a crack and he saw her slip inside. Closing the door she stood in place, shifting awkwardly from foot to foot. "If you want to go back to your own room you are welcome to do so, otherwise come in." he said with a smirk. It was obvious how nervous she was and he wasn't surprised. She had never liked Jeanne and after the fight today she hated the woman, but she was still in the room she normally shared with her husband.

Walking forward Ren handed Men to her before he went to the door. "I won't be gone long, please be good." With that he left her alone in the room. Seeing a small blue baby blanket on the bed she flattened it out and swaddled Men tightly in it. The sleepy yawn the boy gave made her smile.

By the time Ren came back she was stroking the boys' cheeks, a real smile on her face. "I'm sorry." She said quickly giving him a small bow. "He was flailing around so I wrapped him up." Walking over Ren smiled. "He can sleep in someone's arms all day long and stay nice and cuddled up, but the second it is bedtime he decides that lying still is not an option."

The loving tone he used made her look up, slightly surprised. In all her memories of him he had never done anything nicer than give small compliments in a way that made then seem insulting. Having a son must have helped mellow him. "Just place him in the middle of the bed." He instructed as he climbed under the blankets. After setting him down he watched her crawl under the covers as close as possible to the edge of the bed. Shaking his head, he turned out the lights and fell quickly asleep.

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When he woke up it was still dark, but something didn't feel right. Reaching over, he found the bed empty and sat up quickly, starting to panic. What he saw in the corner was the last thing he had ever expected. Pirika was sitting in the rocker, Men wrapped up tightly in her arms, feeding him a bottle. Now that he was calmer he could hear her singing softly in words he couldn't understand. He leaned back against the wall and watched her. Every night he was home, dealing with Men was his job and just once it was nice to have a short break.

Watching her he couldn't help but compare her to the woman who usually shared his bed. Everything about them was different. The most obvious was the fact that Jeanne didn't like to get up with Men in the middle of the night and would wake Ren before doing it herself. He had never heard her sing to him before, the closest thing to that she did was the time he walked in on her talking to him about how he would one day help serve her cause. The way that Pirika held Men in her arms looked natural, instead of the forced, stiff way Jeanne did. The differences weren't all limited to things involving Men either.

When Jeanne slept she wore a small nightgown that barely covered her and clung tightly to her figure, making it harder for her to get up and move freely. Also she would always lie as still as possible because she wanted to minimize the damage to her hair so she would have to get it done less often. The girl before him now was wearing a t shirt and a pair of soft pants that she could move in easily and could walk out of the room in if it was absolutely necessary without having to change. Her light blue hair was a mess, all mussed up from sleeping but it looked right.

Seeing her reminded him of how he had rushed into things with Jeanne. They had married as soon as he had turned eighteen but for the life of him he couldn't remember why. Maybe it was the idea of a family of his own that had pushed him forwards. Things had never been more than comfortable between them, always quite formal. Horohoro had warned him that it was never going to work, that they were all wrong together, but Ren had been too stubborn to listen. His friend had been right and soon afterwards he began to regret things.

It started out with little things she didn't like, such as having the kyonshi be the only servants in the house. She said she needed real people around her. He had given her what she wanted, hiring a few dozen workers and she was happy with that for a few weeks, but then she wanted more. Things had been worse when she started to use her position as wife of the Tao clan head to further her cause of righteousness. Then he had put his foot down and since then she had been cold and distant. He had wanted to get rid of her after that but they found out that she had been pregnant. Excited for the baby she carried, he started paying more attention to her but she got angry and said she was being crowded. Sometimes he wondered if she had only married him thinking that the name would open new doors for her.

Once she had finished her song and Men was sleeping soundly she went to bring him back to bed and saw Ren watching her. "Ren-sama, I'm sorry he was crying and I didn't want to wake you." Rushing back over she set Men down near him and bowed deeply. "What are you apologizing for now?" Still keeping her head down she whispered, her voice afraid. "Men is your son and I should never have touched him without your permission." He rolled his eyes, "I have known you for half your life and I know you would never hurt him. If my permission is what you require you have it. Now look at me."

When he saw her face it was obvious she had been crying for some time. "What's wrong?" "I didn't have the dream." "Shouldn't that be a good thing?" "What if I'm forgetting him?" she sobbed, holding herself tightly. "Come here." He said gently motioning her over. Looking up, she didn't know why she did it, maybe because she knew he was hurting in the same way she was, but she ran to him and fell into his arms. He slid Men to the other side of the bed and wrapped his arms around her and let her cry.

"Pirika," he whispered softly in her ear, his own voice shaking some. "You will never forget him. None of us will. But at the same time it's okay not to think about him all the time." "I hate reliving it every night but at least I knew I would see him again, hear his voice." "There are other ways to remember him. Do something the two of you enjoyed or even just talk about him, all of it will help."

"Who am I supposed to talk to? I'm in the middle of a country I've never been to before, surrounded by maybe a half dozen people who can understand me." "Talk to me when you need to." "You are so busy with work and your family I have already taken more of your time than I deserve." "Any work that I have can wait for the time being and you aren't keeping me from Men and that's all that matters. I promised your brother I would care for you and thus far I have been doing a rather shabby job. But I can't let him down like that, not when he trusted me."

Looking up he saw what almost looked like hope in her eyes, like she knew now she wasn't alone. She could tell his words were sincere, and she could also hear the sadness as he spoke of the Ainu man. Pirika wrapped her arms tightly around his neck and buried her head in his shoulder.

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	6. Chapter 6

Ok, sorry this took so long I have finally gotten to a point where I actually have to write before I post, up until now I finished before I started to post. I love any and all reviews that are either nice or helpful and the more reviews i get the more i want to keep writing. It lets me know that people like it and I'm not writing it just for myself.

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When his eyes opened again he knew something was wrong. First there was someone in his arms and that was something Jeanne never allowed him to do. Looking down the sight of a headful of blue hair brought the previous night back slowly and he couldn't help but smile.

Feeling a woman snuggled up against his chest as he awoke was something he had always wanted. He had tried to make things happen like this with Jeanne, holding her and such, but she always pushed away. Now things were just getting worse and they were being driven even farther apart and he couldn't stop it.

Even though he was still hoping things would work out he had stopped trying to force it at this point. Nothing would create love where there was none, the best thing he could do at this point was calm things before Men was old enough to notice the tension and fights.

Hearing a noise outside the door he looked up just in time to see her walk in. Her eyes scanned the bed and saw Pirika laying between her husband and son. Slowly she turned to meet Ren's stare. When she didn't move he saw a chance to at least keep Pirika away from this fight and he was going to take it. He stood up quickly, causing the younger girl to stir. Looking around sleepily she saw Jeanne and panicked. "Pirika, you should take Men downstairs to the kitchen and get him a bottle."

Not needing to be told twice she grabbed Men quickly in her arms and nearly ran from the room. "I thought I told her to stay away from the both of you?" "And I thought I told you to remain in the west wing until I saw a need for you?" "Not even you can keep me contained." She snapped coldly.

Ren just sighed. "I want you to leave Jeanne." "And where are you planning to keep me now." "You don't understand, I am telling you to leave China. We will never make things work and I am through trying." With that he left the woman standing mouth hanging open and went for the door. "You are to be gone by the time I return." He said, walking down to the kitchen.

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He would have preferred to change first, but getting away from her meant more to him than spending the time to grab even a shirt. Walking into the kitchen he saw Pirika holding Men with one arm and using her other to warm a bottle. "You know I have people for that." He told her, looking across the room to see the servants huddled around the stove making breakfast and whispering.

Pirika glanced over her shoulder and shrugged, aware of the way they were pointing at her. "I have spent my entire life doing everything for myself and my brother; it isn't any easy habit to break." Glaring over at the cooks he waved them back to work before taking Men, allowing Pirika use of both her arms.

"I'm sorry." She whispered handing the bottle over. "What did I tell you about apologizing?" "I didn't mean to get you into trouble with Jeanne." She said, ignoring him. "You will no longer have to worry about Jeanne." He snapped.

She knew she had upset him by the way he walked away so she just went back up to her room. She could hear crashes coming from Ren's room but she ignored it. She also ignored the fact that he had told her she wasn't ever to be alone any more. He would be angry when he found out she hadn't called for Bao, but the quiet was something she needed to think. Everything that Ren had said to her last night was going through her mind and she wanted to process it all.

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Surprisingly it was Bao that found her first and gave her quite a lecture. Pirika just tuned out for the whole thing. She understood why Bao was upset, she would have gotten in trouble if Pirika had done anything stupid. But she was slightly more stable now and had no intention of trying to kill herself again.

It was hard to think with Bao constantly trying to talk to her and get her to leave her room. Eventually she agreed and went down for both lunch and dinner but otherwise stayed mostly in her room. She had seen Ren at both meals but he didn't speak to her so she ignored him as well. The day passed quickly and before long the sun had already set.

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There was a sharp knock on the door before it was opened and Ren walked in. Bao went to leave but Ren stopped her. "I'll only be a moment." He moved towards the bed where Pirika was lying to check that she was listening.

"Your teacher will be here tomorrow morning. From now on you will be required to work with him five mornings a week. I will take you to him after breakfast and you will meet him in that same location at the same time daily. After lunch you will meet him again to finish any remaining work you have and to study Chinese. When you are finished with him all remaining time is yours to do with as you choose. Do you understand?" Her eyes were cold as she looked back up at him.

His mood swings were starting to frustrate her. First he says he wants to bring her back to China with him, than he starts to blame her just as much as she blamed herself. Afterwards he had apologized and said he knew how she felt. He told her that he would be there for her if she ever needed him, had let her help with Men, but then in the morning things went right back to how they were before and he was distant.

Being back in Japan, seeing where it happened every day, at least then she would know what to expect. "I will obey." She told him before rolling away. Once the door shut again she closed her eyes and tried to sleep.

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He heard her scream in the middle of the night again but this time it felt different somehow. Her screams had only lasted a few minutes but after that her sobbing could be heard easily. She finally stopped about half an hour later but he couldn't fall back asleep. He didn't know how much time had passed but he heard a frantic knock on his door.

Not wanting to wake Men he got up quickly and opened it to see Bao standing there crying. "Master Ren, she is gone. I woke up and she wasn't in bed!" Moving quickly to her room, it only took him a second to discover where she had gone. Back in his room he grabbed a jacket, slipped on his shoes and lifted his son gently without waking him.

Once in her room he switched off the light and set him on this bed instead. The room was cold so he covered him and walked over to the window. "Stay with him." Bao just stood there with her mouth hanging open as he climbed out the window.

They were on the second from the top floor already but the climb still wasn't easy and he was surprised she had managed it. He had been doing this for years so he didn't have to think about it as he pushed himself from one handhold to the next and up to the top. Pulling himself over the edge he saw her lying on her back looking up at the stars.

"How did you find me?" she asked as he sat next to her. "You are more predictable than you think." He said with a smirk. As she still didn't understand he continued, smiling at the memories he had. Kororo gave a small squeak, remembering the same thing, before sitting on his knee.

"Your brother and I used to do this all the time. Sit out under the stars. It was harder in Tokyo with the smog in the skies, but it was still very calming. Actually all of us did it. It was an easy assumption that it was something the two of you would have shared." "We did it a lot." She said with a smile.

Looking at her he saw what looked to be her spirit for the first time. Stretched out on her stomach was a huge lizard, around four feet long. Instead of having scales it looked like it was covered with frog skin. He had always wondered if she had a spirit and what it was, but the slimy alien he saw was nothing like what he had expected from her.

"What are you doing up here?" he asked, taking his eyes from the creature. "I couldn't sleep after the nightmare woke me. Staring at the ceiling was getting boring. If I needed something to stare at the sky was a far better option. What are you doing up here?" "I came looking for you. Bao woke up and you weren't there so she panicked."

"As you can see," she said, motioning to the three spirits around her. "I am well guarded. You can go now." "I think I'll just wait until you are ready to go back inside." "Why are you doing this Ren-kun?" she asked, frustration taking over. "What?"

"Why are you out here? You could have called Bason and he would have known where I was. Don't tell me it was for my brother, because if that's all just go. I would rather work through things alone than try and guess whether you are in a mood to blame me or help me."

"That's not fair. I'm having enough trouble with my own problems right now, sometimes it is hard to take on another person's." "Then stop trying." "My main problem is taken care of for now; I just needed some time to adjust. I'm here now."

Taking her hand he pulled her to her feet, letting her slimy pet roll to the ground. "We should go back inside. It's cold and I don't like to be away from Men for so long." She allowed herself to be pulled towards the edge but when he tried to help her down she brushed him off. Large chunks of ice materialized just when she needed them and she had climbed in the window with him right behind.

Bao still looked shocked even as Ren turned and dismissed her. She had heard about the oddities of the Tao family but this went beyond what she had expected. "Am I finally allowed on my own now?"

"No, you're coming with me. I can't trust you to stay put and I am tired of having to hunt you down when you choose to run." "Maybe I don't want to go with you." "I'm not giving you an option." He snapped, grabbing up Men and pulling her out.

Her surprise upon walking into the room was obvious. It was nothing like it had been the night before. The chair and desk were both broken and there were drawers thrown everywhere. The look in his eyes told her not to ask so instead she walked over to the corner and sat down. She watched as he went back to the bed and lay down but she wouldn't move. To a point she knew she had to be obedient, but she certainly wasn't planning on making it easy.

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When she opened her eyes again it was morning and she had fallen asleep on the floor. Ren was changing Men as she stood up slowly, still angry with him. "Make yourself presentable. You are going to breakfast and then I will take you to meet your teacher."

She went back to her own room and prepared herself, changing into clean jeans and a long sleeve shirt that covered her wrists, brushing her hair, and putting it up with her headband. Just as she finished he knocked on the door, waiting a few moments before walking in.

Looking her up and down he motioned towards the hall. "Come." She obeyed, still refusing to speak. Breakfast was rather quiet, his parents sat at the far side of the table with Jun as they always did, Ren sat across from them and Pirika tried to keep as much distance as she could from both groups.

His parents didn't bother her and she had been forced to meet with them at meals as required but she always felt like she was intruding when the only people besides her were always Ren, Jun and their parents.

Jeanne hadn't come down today and Pirika assumed Ren still wasn't speaking with her and she was trying to punish him. No one else at the table seemed concerned so she ignored it. She was the first one to finish like always and sat waiting quietly until Ren was ready to take her to her new teacher.

After he stood she followed him silently, upset with him. It was still difficult to navigate her way through the maze that made up this mansion so she watched carefully so she could do this by herself tomorrow. Finally he stopped in a hallway she had yet to come to. Opening the door he pushed her inside and she saw two large desks against a wall and a Japanese man sitting in one of the chairs.

Standing quickly he reached out to shake her hand. "You must be Pirika-san. I am Tanaka and I will be instructing you for some time. Tao-san has told me a bit about you but the first thing we will need to do is decide where we should start." Pirika turned around, curious as to what Ren had told him, but Ren had already left the room. "Why don't you have a seat and we can talk about what you were learning before you came here."

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When she left her lessons for lunch she was happy with how things had gone. So far they had mostly just talked about her classes back in Japan, what she had been learning, how she had enjoyed it, and whether she had ever felt left behind in anything specific. She was hoping that things continued this way as she might finally look forward learning every day.

When she had told Ren that she had done well enough in school it had been a slight exaggeration. Math was her worst subject, and she had needed her brothers help even to pass, but the rest of her grades had been mediocre at best. She was never able to focus well and that led her to missing things that were rather key. All she had wanted was to graduate and start working to help her brother. No matter how much he had wanted to, her brother never would have been able to send her to college, and she couldn't have succeeded anyways.

Lunch passed quickly with only a little small talk before she had gone back to work again. They spent the first hour or so pin pointing exactly what she knew and what she would need to learn during their sessions.

After that things got tricky. She could already speak two languages, but she had learned both when she was very young and Mandarin was much harder than either of the others. Sadly it was the most useful thing she would learn as it was all the servants could speak and if she were to ever go into a city to see people she would have no way to communicate.

The rest of this she was just learning because her brother had made such a big deal of it and in turn Ren said it was something she needed to do. After three hours of this torture she couldn't handle it any longer he told her they could be done for the day. In addition to her struggle with the foreign tongue starting back up with schooling made her remember her brother more and she was barely holding herself together as she walked quickly to her room.

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	7. Chapter 7

Sorry it's taking so long now I'm really struggling to focus, my husband just went from night shift to day shift last weekend and we are having trouble adjusting. This isn't very long but I wanted to get something up for now. Thank you all so much for the reviews, every one puts a smile on my face. I'm glad people are enjoying this, it makes writing so much more fun. I have a number of other stories that I might publish but I am hoping to mostly finish them before I post so you don't have to wait this way. This one was supposed to be mostly finished but the story seemed to have other ideas... I hope you enjoy this, I will try and get more out in a few days, again I'm super sorry.

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Bao had tracked her down not much later but the girl didn't seem to have any desire to speak to Pirika anymore. Later she would think about it more, but for now, her brother and future filled her mind.

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The two young women had only spoken a few words to each other when Ren walked in with Men a few hours later. Bao walked outside but Ren heard her stop in the hallway, she wanted to give the pair privacy but had yet to be dismissed.

Closing the window he sat down next to her. "Talk." He instructed. It was rougher than he had meant it to sound, but still it showed a sense of caring he rarely had. "I-I don't know what to do." He waited for her to continue and when she didn't he rolled his eyes. "Explain."

"Before the accident, I always knew what I was going to do. Onii-chan was insisting that I graduate, but after that I just wanted to get the first job I could find so he could stop working so many double shifts. I didn't need any plans after that, we had always been together and he would always take care of me and that was all that mattered. Now what am I going to do? I'm so lost. I could be done with school in a few months and where do I go then? What do I do?"

He sighed, maybe he should have expected this. "Pirika, I didn't bring you here just so you could finish school and I could kick you out again. If that was the case I would have simply given Yoh and Anna money to keep you, helped you get a job, any number of things. You can stay here as long as you need. It's not like you are difficult to care for-"

He paused thinking back to some of the troubles he had to sort through because of her. "-most of the time at least. One more person in this house isn't going to make any difference what so ever." She looked up at him hopefully. "You can't worry about what's next right now. All you can do is live it one day at a time." "I'm not really good at relying on people." She told him. "Well you should get used to it. It is actually a rather nice way to live." He said smugly.

Finally he got a small giggle out of her. "Maybe it is but I'm not sure it's my way." "Well what do you want?" "I want my brother back!" Watching as the tears started again he started to get frustrated again. "Pirika I'm just trying to help you! If you know what will help come find me but if you just want to whine you can do that by yourself." he snapped before he stood and walked out, leaving her to cry again.

He shouldn't have left like he did, but talking about Horohoro didn't put him in all that great of a mood and when she talked about wanting her brother back he just got upset. He wanted to help her but the only thing she would ask him for is the one thing he couldn't give her.

His life hadn't been in great shape before the accident and since then things had collapsed further. Even though things had never been good with Jeanne he had been on edge recently and she was angry about having Pirika here so they had gone from fighting maybe once a week to every day and it was stressful. As much as he thought he would enjoy her being gone part of him missed her.

The biggest question was what he missed. They never touched or talked, she never helped with Men or even spent time around him but still something was gone. All of that didn't seem to be enough though because Pirika was putting him through hell as well.

It wasn't her fault and in truth he knew that. She had lost the only family she had ever had, her closest friend, the only person she fully trusted or relied on. Ren was far from capable of replacing him like Pirika seemed to need. For some reason he had expected this to be easier.

Well, maybe not easier but different. Her falling apart in front of him wasn't supposed to happen, girls were supposed to do that around each other, not guys. Seriously how many times could one girl cry in such a short amount of time? Ren could deal with angry people, hateful people, determined people, hell even dead people, but crying girls were in a category all their own. "Tell her I'm sorry." Ren told Bao coldly before he carried Men to his room to put him to sleep.

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Glancing at the clock he knew she would be getting ready for bed soon. He was hoping to get a full night of sleep which would involve not having to track her down in the middle of the night. There were a few options he had to avoid that.

Asking Bason to watch her would be the easiest option but he was slightly concerned that the Ainu had won the Chinese soldier over. Ren knew that he told her everything that happened in the house and he had been with her last night when she had been outside after he knew how Ren didn't want her alone.

Bason could stand up to an army without flinching but if Pirika shed a single tear he was on her side. He would never allow her to get hurt, that was obvious but he didn't seem to mind making Bao panic. As much as she had settled in the past two days, he still thought she might hurt herself and if she decided to throw herself off the roof there would be nothing the spirit could do.

This concern also eliminated the option of Ren telling Bao not to panic if she was gone. If only the stupid girl would cooperate with him! Knowing she wouldn't he made his choice. Thinking back to the first night she had stayed with him he remembered that it was the only night she hadn't had her nightmare.

Although Bao was always with her the two girls never really got along so it was more forced than anything else. That night after the fight with Jeanne she had told him she didn't want to be alone. If he couldn't do anything else to help her he could help with that if staying with him would make her nightmares go away.

This way he would know where she was as well. He had always been a light sleeper and since Men was born even more so. She wouldn't be able to sneak past him, not with how the door squeaked and the window stuck. Standing up he walked into her room to see Bao standing by the wall and Pirika looking out the window. "You're done for the night." Ren told Bao, not quite expecting the look of relief she gave him. With no hesitation she ran for the hall.

"I'm hoping that means I am to be left alone." Pirika told him coolly. "No." he answered simply. "I don't trust you alone and I don't want to hunt for you so you are coming with me again." "Then my answer is no as well." "It wasn't a question." He was losing patience again but she didn't really care. She refused to let his moodiness unsettle her right now.

"Stop pretending you care Ren-kun. You can't make me come with you." "If I have to force you I will but I'd rather you didn't require it." Glancing over her shoulder she glared at him. "Either way I need to change so get out." Going back to the door he gave her one last look and smirked. "I would not recommend sneaking onto the roof because if I have to go get you I will carry you back down." "Get out!" she snapped angrily, upset that he had guessed her plan.

Knowing he would only wait for a few minutes she changed and brushed her teeth. She had barely finished when she heard a knock and the door open. "Why bother knocking if you're just going to barge in?" "If I gave you time you might hide or run." "I'd love to run. The part I wouldn't love is having you throw me over your shoulder like a rag doll again." Grabbing a book she followed him to his own room.

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	8. Chapter 8

Ok, here is a continuation of the last chapter, I hope it is good, I only proofed it once so if you see any mistakes you can point them out to me and I will fix what I can.

A few things I have been forgetting to say, I know I stress the eyes of Horo and Pirika being the same even though in the anime Horo's eyes dont actually have a color, they are just black and white, but when I started writing this I hadn't known that because I only have the first 10 books of the manga and hadn't seen the anime in like 6 years since it was on originally.

Also the reactions I use for her shutting down after the accident and how she recovers after cutting are from personal experience. I was a cutter in high school (over 2 years without now) and in the past when something terrible has happened I shut down in a similar way, though never so bad. My only knowledge about these topics are from my own personal experience and I have no real medical know how so I'm sorry if anything is all that wrong.

I love all the reviews I've been getting and they make me feel so happy. It means a lot that others enjoy what I am doing.

Now all that boring stuff is finished on with the story!

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Seeing that the state of the room was the same as the night before she decided to ask about it. He was already upset with her so it couldn't get much worse. What more could he do but kick her out of his room, which would please her. "What happened in here?" Ren glared over, eyes cold. "Jeanne had a temper tantrum before she left." He said simply, no emotion in his voice.

Walking over to the bed he turned off the light and lay down. "What do you mean left?" she asked skeptically as she pulled out a small reading light and moved into the corner. He didn't speak until she had opened her book and started reading again. "I mean exactly what I said, she left." His tone left no room for argument so she rolled her eyes and went back to her book.

It was all but impossible for her to concentrate so after about half an hour she gave up. Setting the book down she sat there on the floor and watched the pair of them sleep. She could tell that Ren was stressed and she wanted to be understanding but now that she had finally started feeling again her own emotions were difficult to process.

In some ways it had been easier before. In the pain that followed the loss of her brother she had been unable to cope so instead of trying she had simply shut down. There was no happiness, but there also wasn't any hurt, or sorrow.

Her memories from that period were sketchy at best, especially before she had been forced to China. The first two weeks had passed quickly. Looking back she could mostly just watch as things passed in fast motion around her as she sat on the floor. Everything was fuzzy and faded.

Thinking back to what had happened since coming here it was nearly the same until Ren had carried her in out of the snow and had Jun stitch her wrists. The only difference until that point was that she moved around some, though there was little real interaction.

Suddenly curious she tried to pinpoint when she had turned on again. Her emotions were still buried when she found the shard of metal and sharpened it. The same had been true when she ran it over her skin and walked barefoot outside. The snow and ice must have burned her exposed skin, but she didn't remember it.

For a brief moment she felt happy, thinking finally she would be with him again. Rage took over when he tried to stop her. It was the strongest thing she had felt since the moment her brother had taken his last breath. Every part of her being wanted to die right then and there. How much it would hurt her brother hadn't crossed her mind. The only thoughts she had were of how dead she felt inside and how she would have given anything for it all to be over.

That had been it. Once outside she had felt relief and slight happiness but her first real emotion was the rage when he stopped her. When she woke up safe with her wrists wrapped she had been so angry she wanted nothing more than to kill Ren for stopping her. Once that had worn off she had been filled an overwhelming pain. At that point she knew how much her actions would have hurt her brother, but it still crossed her mind only occasionally. Giving up would be so much easier. Not having to fight just to get out of bed, or eat, or even breathe, would be nice.

At least now there were little moments where she could smile. Most of them were thanks to Men, but Hakuoh had been helpful as well. Maybe tomorrow after she was finished with her lessons she would go back out to the stables.

As long as Ren was busy working she would be free to do as she pleased. Kororo wouldn't go to him unless she was really in danger and she knew as well as Ren did that Bason was very fond of her and gave her multiple freedoms Ren wouldn't allow.

The biggest problem would be Bao. Pirika didn't know why but she had been weird all day, almost as if she was afraid of her. After what she had seen with the fight between Pirika and Jeanne that might make sense, but being employed for the Taos she had to have seen stranger things than that. Maybe she would ask the woman about it tomorrow, but for now she would enjoy the silence she was given.

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At some point she must have drifted off because when she looked over at the clock two hours had passed. Her body was stiff and uncomfortable and when she heard Men fuss softly she decided to go over to the bed. It was large and with Men in the middle she had plenty of space from Ren. Sitting down on the soft mattress she put one hand on the small child to try and get him back to sleep but he was wide awake.

Normally he wouldn't wake to eat for another hour or so but she figured she might as well make a bottle quickly. During the day he drank his bottles warm but for convenience Ren kept a pitcher of water and some formula on the dresser and Men was usually so tired he didn't know the difference.

Mixing it up took only a moment and within minutes he had his fill, was burped, and drifting off again. Pirika was surprised at how easily he had fallen asleep this time because after he woke up the other night she had been forced to rock him and sing for nearly fifteen minutes before he settled again.

She wasn't going to complain though because as much as she hated to admit it, she was exhausted and having a comfortable bed underneath her was taunting. Despite how embarrassed and upset she was at being forced to sleep in Ren's room she moved under the covers and fell asleep the moment her head hit the pillow.

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Ren woke up to Men crying just after four. Everything around him felt different. Men had woken up far later than ever before, Pirika had actually climbed into the bed despite her recent stubborn streak, and her nightmares always came between 2 and 3 and he hadn't heard anything. The bottle on the bedside table beside Pirika at least answered the question of why Men had slept so long.

Once he had finished dealing with his son he watched the Ainu sleep for a few moments. She looked at peace. Seeing her this calm and relaxed was nice, though he didn't really know why. As if she could tell she was being watched she started to stir so he drew his attention away and let himself sleep again.

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When Ren woke up the next morning he felt more rested than he had in days. Waking up to deal with Men had become routine and as it would be required for at the very least another month he would adjust but the things that killed him were waking up to her screams and then having to deal with him.

"Wake up." He said, poking her in the back. Not really awake yet she gave an angry whine and pulled the covers over her head. Rolling his eyes Ren grabbed Men and walked over to her side of the bed. Grabbing the blankets he pulled them back sharply, smirking when she started muttering and her eyes started to open.

She was obviously confused with how her eyes searched the room. It had been the deepest sleep she had in as long as she could remember but it meant waking up was harder. Finally she understood where she was and she sat quickly. After trying to shake the fuzz from her head she stood up and headed for the door.

She was about to step out when Ren called to her. "I know you avoided Bao while you were going from place to place yesterday. If you can behave you will be allowed to at least walk to your lessons and meals alone but if you do something stupid I will have your every step followed." He knew she heard and understood, but refused to acknowledge him as she went back to her room to get ready.

After she finished dressing and brushing her hair she walked out to find Ren waiting for her. She didn't know why but she felt like being stubborn so she all but ignored him as they walked down to breakfast. He watched her closely after she was finished and left the room.

All he hoped for right now was that he wouldn't regret letting her leave alone. Part of him still wanted Bao to follow her everywhere as it had only been days since he had brought her in from the snow.

The problem was that he didn't know how much he could really have her followed when she stayed with him at night, went to breakfast, lessons, lunch, lessons, and then who knows where. She jumped from place to place and no one needed to go anywhere near her. Bason, Kororo, and whatever spirit thing she had rarely left her side so at least he would know if something happened but his real concern was that there would be no one who could stop her. In order to have Bao keep up with her the girl would probably need to go to her lessons with her and sit off to the side but Ren didn't really want that.

She would need at least a little freedom eventually and as long as she was only going a few hallways away this would be the safest time to allow it. He would be sure to double check her wrists at some point and would have Bao meet her after her classes so she couldn't run and hide in her room alone again.

The first part of her day went rather slowly. They were starting with math, her worst subject. Basically they were going over the same idea until they found a way that she would understand it. He said it was so he could discover her learning style but she thought he was just trying to determine how many ways she could fail at a single problem. By the time they started doing Chinese again she was actually excited for it. Any amount of a new language would be better than seeing another number. Even a page full of gibberish symbols would be better than another stupid equation.

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The second part of the day went fast enough and before long she found Bao waiting for her outside the room. The Chinese woman was still behaving oddly, not wanting to speak much or interact at all. In truth Pirika was probably making it worse. After trying to engage Bao in conversation Pirika had decided instead to talk with Bason who was also following her, most likely under orders from Ren.

The terrified look on Baos' face when Pirika looked over and started talking to air would almost have been amusing if Pirika had been in a better mood, but it only upset her at this point. You would think that in the house of a powerful shamanic family you wouldn't need to worry about people thinking you were crazy for talking to ghosts, but Pirika doubted any of the servants could see them, not with the way they whispered and pointed.

Of course they never did this around any of the Taos', most likely because it wouldn't be tolerated, but they had no such reserves around Pirika, unafraid of her opinion. People talking about her wasn't really all that new so it didn't bother her much.

Well, except for Bao. The first week or so she had stayed with the Ainu things had gone well enough and she seemed friendly, but after a bit she got unnerved seeing her talk to the spirits it had gone downhill. After Pirika sneaked up to the roof in the middle of the night she didn't even bother pretending. There was no point in worrying about it now, Pirika decided as she walked into the stables. Not even the look of terror on Baos' face when she moved into Hakouhs' stall bothered her.

After greeting the horse and getting a positive reaction same as before she went to see if she could find a brush and some treats. Both were easy to locate and within minutes she was walking back to the snow white horse.

She was expecting it when Bason appeared beside her. "Mistress, I'm not sure you should be doing this. The master did not exactly approve of you being here and it seems your escort is extremely agitated." Glancing out she saw Bao standing as far away as she possibly could while still keeping an eye on her. "I don't know what she's more afraid of, me or the horse." Pirika muttered to the soldier.

"And I only told Ren that I wouldn't come unless he knew about it. First off, what he doesn't know can't hurt him, and second if you would like to go disturb Ren to tell him you may." Now he seemed even more concerned. "The girl will not keep your secret." Pirika almost smiled as she started brushing the beast before her.

Bason didn't think she was in any danger at this point, Hakuoh obviously trusted her. What worried him was that his master would most likely be upset with him. "I'm not going anywhere on my own, I'm going to my lessons, eating meals with his family, even staying in his stupid room at night so he knows I'm not wandering around outside. I think I am being obedient enough. Being here, outside, with nature and animals, at least I feel something. I can't listen to every one of his stupid orders and not barricade myself in my room again. It's not like you could stop me if you tried anyway. He'll get over it."

Bason still wasn't happy, but he stayed and watched her until it was time for supper, not informing Ren of her location. She looked relaxed as she stroked the horse and all getting Ren would do is anger him and upset her. For now he might as well allow her to enjoy something. The odd group of them stayed outside until it was time for dinner.

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	9. Chapter 9

Okay so this is a long chapter, but I am hoping to lengthen them in general so I might as well start here. I'm sorry these updates are taking a bit, I have been very busy with Easter and my other story is drawing me in. For now I will continue to force myself to work on this one since I can do another few chapters of Lost Memories without writing another word. Hopefully I will be able to fill this next hole in only a few days and can give you guys some more. For now, please enjoy, read, and review. Love to all of my readers :)

PS I also updated my last chapters, fixing a few mistakes and adding section spacing that this program can read so I hope it will be easier to take in, but if you see anything wrong just message me and I will try and fix it, I only read through some of this once because I didn't want to keep you waiting any longer. Please forgive me.

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Another two weeks had passed easily enough. The interactions between the Tao and Usui were improving, but still difficult at times. Every night she slept in his room and her nightmares had yet to return.

She still woke up in the middle of the night but now it was when Men started crying. Ren had told her that he could handle it and she should just go back to sleep but in truth she enjoyed caring for the boy. When his innocent eyes looked up at her she felt like she was needed, like she was doing something that mattered. She hadn't felt this way since she had been cooking, cleaning, and sewing for her brother. As much as it hurt, it helped her too.

Both of them woke up when he started to fuss, but now Ren waited to see if she would move first. He would pretend he was asleep because she seemed to be afraid that she was stealing his time with his son, but he spent all day with him.

Once she got up he would watch her. Men had become increasingly active at night and after drinking his bottle would be up for at the very least ten to fifteen minutes afterwards, sometimes up to a half hour or more, but she didn't seem mind. She had fallen into a simple routine, pick him up, change him, make a bottle, sit down in the rocker and sing while he ate.

What shocked Ren the most was how easy it was for her. Other than Jeanne, who didn't even feel comfortable touching the boy, and Anna, who rarely warmed even to her own son, he hadn't seen many people interact with children. Pirika seemed to just know what to do, whether the middle of the night or any other time of day, it looked natural.

What he really hadn't expected was how much Men seemed to like her. Jun, Ran, Yuan, the servants, everyone had tried to spend time with the boy, but his patience ran out quickly and he never really relaxed for them. None of them could feed him, change him, or try and put him to sleep without enduring a scream louder than any Ren had ever heard before.

Assisting with Men also helped Pirika cope through-out the day as well. It gave her something to look forward to. Her lessons weren't exactly going well and things with Bao were strained to say the least. Pirika had no idea what had changed the other woman's personality so suddenly and it wasn't worth it for her to ask.

Today was worse than normal though. Bao was acting like a shadow, always there but never making a sound. After trying to go to the stables again she had stood by the door moving awkwardly from one foot to the other, keeping the greatest distance she could from the beast while still watching her charge. At that point Pirika had given up and headed back for the house. If someone spent every minute at your side but wouldn't even look at you it became unnerving. Even being with the inconsistent Tao was better than that so she headed to the office.

The door to the office opened and Ren looked up to yell but when Pirika walked in he just shook his head and went back to work. She stayed quiet, pulling a few books off the shelf and flipping through them. Why she did it she wasn't sure, she could read none of them but she wanted something to do.

Finally she moved over to the cradle and sat down, rocking it gently. Eventually Men started to fuss and Pirika began singing softly again, calming him instantly. Why she did it she wasn't sure, seeing him cry made her sad and it was the first thing that had come to mind.

Ren had started to stand when he heard the boy but watching Pirika he sat back down slowly. Seeing she had it under control he looked down again but his attention was still on them. Try as he might he couldn't focus anymore. His eyes were drawn again and again until he stopped pretending and just watched her.

There was a real smile on her face as she rocked Men. "What is that?" he finally asked. "What?" "What you're singing; what is it?" A slight blush hit her cheeks and she looked down. "Something my mother used to sing me when I was very small. It is the only memory I really have of her." "It's not Japanese." "No. Ainu was all that was spoken at home."

He hadn't expected the answer she gave. Although both siblings had spoken poorly of their father their mother was never mentioned. Ren had been left to assume she had died. The thought of her father had just hit him. He was pretty sure the man was still alive so why hadn't Horohoro wanted her to go there? Why hadn't she wanted too?

He must have heard about the accident, so why hadn't he come for her? It could be that he hadn't been able to find her yet, the fact that she had come with him had been kept quiet. They should discuss it just in case because if he showed up Ren wasn't going to let her leave unless she wanted to go.

Tonight maybe he could ask, but for now he needed to clear his mind and get at least some work done. Taking his eyes off the pair of them was much harder than he anticipated but after a bit he managed. Pirika was sitting mostly still and staying quiet but still she was a distraction. With the little smile that still hid on her lips he didn't have the heart to chase her out so he just did what he could. Time flew by and before he knew it the three of them were walking down to dinner.

The meal passed quickly with Pirika talking to his family a bit more than usual, as if a tiny part of her had opened up again. After the others left the room she turned nervously to Ren, biting her lip and keeping her head down. "Ren-kun can I have one night away from my crazy stalker?" "Stalker?" Ren asked raising a brow.

"She's either a stalker or a shadow. She won't talk to me anymore or even look at me and if I do anything that could involve breaking a nail she gets frantic." She was whining and she knew it but at this point she would do close to anything to have some space. Ren looked between the woman and Men and sighed. "I will dismiss her for the night if you agree to stay with me. I need to do some training and Men will need a bath before he is put to bed. If you are willing to follow me around as I do what is required of me you may but I will not be able to entertain you." Looking slightly angered she rolled her eyes. "It's not like there is anything else for me to do." She muttered, following as he walked away.

"You're done for now." Ren told Bao as they walked past and he noticed how quickly the girl ran. If the pair of girls kept upsetting each other this much he was going to need to come up with another plan. The main problem was he couldn't let her be alone all the time and servants that speak fluent Japanese were not very common in a Chinese household such as this. Glancing down at the upset girl beside him he passed Men over, knowing it would at the very least calm her.

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Once they were down in the gym she took Men over to a wall and let him sit in her lap as she stared off into space. Same as before, she was unintentionally a terrible distraction but at least training was second nature to him at this point so it required little focus.

Eventually he decided he had done as much as he really intended to do. He hadn't been working out much since Men was born and his body was much less used to this than he had expected. Men was starting to struggle in Pirikas arms and so he walked over with a smirk. "I think he wants to play." Ren suggested, pulling her out of her stupor.

Looking down at the frustrated child she gave a sad smile. "Sorry." Reaching down Ren picked up his son. "Let's go upstairs and you can take him to the playroom while I shower." Not bothering to answer she nodded and followed him out.

He led her to the room where she had first seen and held Men. The room looked the same but it had been some time since she had seen it. Moving to one wall Ren laid him down on a play mat, giving a smile as he started to reach for the toys dangling above him.

"Can you handle him for a little while?" "Yes Ren-kun." She muttered, not bothering to look up. She was sad again and he wasn't sure why. Even being with Men wasn't helping her. He hoped that having some time alone with the boy would cheer her at least a little. For some reason she had taken a number of steps backwards since she had come to see him this afternoon and he couldn't even guess why.

If she wasn't showing at least some improvement by tonight he might have to try and talk to her again and so far that hadn't gone well. It started fine, him sitting and listening while she broke down, then he would lose his temper and they would both be upset. At that point she would run off crying and things would be on edge for days and they would lose all the progress she had made in the past week or so.

The other option would be to ignore it all and act as if she was still fine but she had closed up so quickly today abandoning her might just let her slide further into herself. Knowing there was little he could do right now he pushed her towards the giggling boy. Once she was at his side Ren turned and left.

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After he had finished his shower he went quietly to the room they were playing in. Peeking around the door he saw Men propped up by a pile of stuffed animals taking each toy that Pirika offered and started chewing on it. He would suck on one for a bit until she handed another one forward and he exchanged them.

Wanting to see if she was feeling better he walked forward silently until she could see the small smile she wore. It was god to see, but he could tell something was still bothering her. If it was still a problem tonight he would push her, but for now this would do. "Do you have to let him eat everything?" Ren asked angrily.

Looking up Pirika could see he wasn't really upset. Judging by the look in his eyes he was most likely nervous because Men was putting so many different things in his mouth. As odd as it was, Pirika suspected he was just being an over protective father. It showed a side of him Pirika never thought he had. Pirika just gave a little ghost smile and shrugged.

Giving a deep sigh Ren decided to ask her the question he had thought about earlier. Moving forward he smiled when Men saw him and started reaching forward eagerly. Knowing what he wanted Ren complied, lifting him up and holding him tightly in his arms. Men loved being held this way and leaned happily into his father. Ren didn't bother trying to hide how much his reaction meant to him, and so there was a true smile on his face as he sat beside the Ainu.

"Your brother once told me that your father was still alive, despite how much the pair of you hated him." "And?" she snapped angrily. "What I want to know is why you didn't just go home. Why would your brother have asked anyone to take care of you if you had family you could go home to?"

Pirika looked right at him, angrier than she had been since he had dragged her inside that afternoon a few weeks ago. "If you are looking for a way to get rid of me sent me to Yoh and Anna but I will not go back to Oyaji!" "I'm not trying to get rid you stupid girl. I asked because if he were to try and get you back I would only allow it if it was what you wanted. After everything I have had to do to keep this promise I'll be damned if it's all going to be a waste."

Keeping her eyes locked on the Chinese man's she relaxed. He looked calm and honest, and although no one could lie like Ren could, she didn't think he was this time. "That won't be a problem. The stupid old man stopped wanting anything to do with us years ago. He could have been right next to us that day and nothing could have made him to step in to save either of us." Ren was slightly surprised by her bitter, hateful tone.

Tears were flowing down her cheeks and she was shaking, but she this time she wasn't sad, she was enraged. "Onii-chan was the only one who ever cared about me. If my own father doesn't want me why would anyone?" The idea of trying to talk to her crossed his mind, but she was beyond a point of listening.

He never would have expected it, but he actually enjoyed her presence for a number of reasons. One of the biggest reason was how she treated Men. Ren had always been afraid that if Jeanne left Men would never have a woman around him. As much as he wanted to be enough for the boy, he knew how much it would help to have multiple people interacting with him and Men made it very clear that he wanted nothing to do with most other people.

Of course Ren also liked having her around for other things too. The pair of them didn't spend much time together but it was still as much as he had been around Jeanne before she left and although he would never admit it, it was nice not to always be alone. The pair of them had settled into an easy enough routine and despite what had happened in the last two months it was comforting.

Knowing he could do nothing else for the moment he just waited until she started to calm down and grabbed her arm, pulling her up with him. With how exhausted she was, he hoped she would fall asleep despite how early in the evening it was. Getting some extra rest could only help at this point, and then, maybe tomorrow he would have a better idea of what to say to her.

Not bothering to look down he led her to his room. "Go to bed." He instructed, voice gentler than she would have expected when he was giving orders. Walking towards the bed he set Men down. "I'll be back in a moment." Truthfully Ren didn't need to do anything, as he could summon a kyonshi to bring him what he wanted without leaving, but this would give her a chance to change.

Since he never let her sleep alone she had brought most of her clothes into his room and although she could always change in the bathroom, but she felt far more comfortable changing in the room alone. He thought it was ridiculous but for now he might as well humor her.

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When he went back into the room fifteen minutes had passed, followed by a kyonshi who carried a bucket of warm water. Pirika was laying down, already half asleep by the looks of it. Her head lifted a bit at the noise but seeing it was just Ren she pulled the covers over her head to block out the light.

He smirked, knowing she had been struggling to sleep since Men had started waking up twice every night again. Ren had been overjoyed when the boy started sleeping for longer a few weeks ago, but it had only lasted about a week and a few days after she had started sleeping in their room he had gone back to waking every few hours.

Pirika always jumped up to get him and since it calmed her Ren didn't want to stop her, but Men had been fussing for longer periods of time and so she was up longer. There had been a few nights when Men had been up half an hour each time, so she was up with him for an hour and then still had to struggle to get back to sleep for a few hours. It wasn't fair to keep her up for so long when the child wasn't hers, but Ren was afraid stepping in would upset her.

For now he chose not to act, instead just watching as she got more and more tired every day. Ren hoped Men would be quiet enough for his bath that she could sleep through it. If she didn't start sleeping soon he was debating slipping her something that would keep her under. The Tao family specialty was poison and that art required knowledge of stealthy administration and the effects of numerous drugs and plants. Because of this it would take very little work for him to find something to give her and get her to take it without knowing.

He would have done it a while ago except that if she discovered what he had done he would lose any and all trust he had gained since he had brought her here. If it were anyone else they would never learn about something like that, but he wouldn't be able to do it without Bason knowing and even his fear of his master wouldn't keep him silent if Pirika started asking questions. At that point he knew she would never forgive him and he wouldn't be able to do anything to help her.

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For the first time Men hadn't shrieked at the feel of the water and Ren wondered if he somehow knew how important it was. Every time he had been bathed before this he screamed like a banshee and the way his face was scrunched up, he obviously wasn't have any more fun than usual. Pirika had fallen asleep before Ren had even undressed Men and she hadn't stirred even once. Since she seemed to be sleeping so well Ren decided to risk it and look at her wrists after Men was put to sleep beside her.

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After making sure the light was off, he pulled the covers off slowly and pulled at the sleeves of her shirt. Since she had slit them she had worn long sleeve shirt even at night in order to hide it. Luckily the cuffs were loose and they moved easily, letting him see her arms. The original cuts were still an angry red color, but the rest of her pale skin was untouched. Tugging quickly at her other wrist he was relieved to see it was just as bare.

Knowing that she could be at least somewhat trusted alone was comforting. Now if he could just convince her that people did care about her, but how could you make someone see that? Suddenly it hit him. It was a huge risk, but only one person had convinced even the most lost souls that they mattered. The question was the reward worth the risk. Thinking back to how upset she had been after the topic of her uncaring father he decided to at least try. If she pitched a fit he could always forget about it, but for now he had a phone call to make.

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	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10 is ready, yay!

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Ren had gotten very little sleep that night, thought after thought filling his mind. He had been awake when Men had started crying the first time and Pirika had reached over for him. She was so tired that her responses were simply instinctive at this point and she hadn't noticed him still sitting up. Men seemed to be just as sleepy because once he had eaten he went right back to sleep. When Men woke again Ren had been drifting in and out for a while, but was pulled sharply back from his dreams. Again she cared for the child and both lay back down.

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By the time morning had come he guessed he had actually been asleep for three hours at the most, counting the times he was still slightly conscious. Still, he wasn't all that tired, used to the lack of rest between Men and the fighting with Jeanne that had kept him up.

He toyed with the idea of letting her sleep but decided against it, thinking it would be better to keep her routine intact. That was the only thing that she could rely on anymore and so he didn't want to throw her off, especially with the discussion they were going to have this afternoon.

Shaking her awake gently he readied himself and Men quickly, giving her time to wake slowly. The first few days he had tried to get her up right away but if she wasn't fully awake she had a tendency to be extremely clumsy so he had decided giving her time was easier than dealing with any mess she might make or her falling and hitting her head on something as she had done early last week. She had only bled a little but Ren still thought it wasn't worth the trouble, so he woke her, readied himself, and then she was awake enough to get up herself.

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Pirika had started to walk towards her lessons when Ren called her back. Glancing over her shoulder she paused. "If you want to avoid Bao this afternoon you may come to me again." The tiny light that shined in her eyes assured him that she would come. If she didn't he could always insist she speak with him after dinner, but he doubted it would come to that.

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Just as he had expected she walked into the office a little after three. He could see Bao in the hallway before Pirika shut the door on her. The action made Ren smirk. It was nice to see her with a little attitude again. She stayed as quiet as the day before, going over to Men and dangling some of the toys from the wooden box near him. A strained smile appeared as the boy giggled and reached for them desperately. Looking back down he tried to finish what he was working on.

Before long he was done with what he was doing and decided to take a small break. Shutting his computer he looked over to the pair of them. Men was smiling and seeing it made Rens' heart fill. Maybe he didn't get the family he had always wanted, but Men meant the world to him and he would do it all again as long as he still got his son out of it.

Normally Ren made a point to avoid being sentimental, but for Men he turned into a sap. The one thing about his plan that worried him was that the others would see how he was with the small boy. They wouldn't see it as a weakness as he would have years ago, but they would tease him without mercy.

Still, Pirika needed this. She had crashed yesterday and she was still just as worked up. Ren was worried she would hurt herself again, more worried than he had been since the first few days following her attempt to kill herself. Last night he had thought about telling Bao to stay with her all day again, but Pirika had already shown that she wasn't afraid to ditch her at the first chance possible. At least this way he would know where she was and not have to worry about where she was hiding from her 'stalker'.

Watching her closely he had a feeling she had at the very least reopened her cuts based on the way she held her sleeves tightly, stretching them and ensuring her wrists would never be seen. There was no point in checking right now. As long as he didn't let her out of his sight she couldn't do any more damage and he needed her to be cooperative. Closing his eyes he bit down his anger at her stupidity and spoke calmly.

His first words were a lie, but after discussing it with Yoh they decided this would work best. If she knew that Ren was doing this and why she would refuse and shut down again. Even after everything she had been through she would still have her pride and she would take it as either an insult that she couldn't cope alone or an act of pity. Neither would go over well.

"Yoh called yesterday and asked if we would like to stay there for a week or so. He was hoping I would go over my birthday but I need to be here the day after for a business meeting so we would need to go this week." "Why would I need to go?" she asked coolly. Now he had to take a chance. She would be reluctant if he attempted to force her and so he was hoping she would hate the alternative enough that she wouldn't fight.

"I suppose you wouldn't need to come but they are all worried about you. You may stay if you wish but due to your recent-" Ren paused and narrowed his eyes, unable to keep himself from showing that he knew what she had done. "actions you will not be left alone. Bao will accompany you everywhere, including meals and class, and will also sleep in your room with you." Pirika glared up, tears welling up in her eyes. She was angry that he could see through her so easily, and that he would give her this kind of ultimatum. "When do we leave?" she asked coldly.

Rem smirked, pleased this had worked out. "Right after breakfast. If you are agreeable I will go down and train now so we will have a chance to pack after dinner. This will be Mens' first time out of the compound so I am assuming it won't be easy to know what he will need." Pirika didn't respond, choosing instead to lift up Men and hold him. When the boy gave a little sigh and snuggled in she felt like someone actually cared for her, even if he was a ten week old baby who just wanted to be held by anyone warm.

What hurt the most was how Ren was able to see right through her and knew what she had done to herself without hearing her speak or even looking for it. Somehow he just knew. She suspected Bason had broken his promise of never following her unknowingly and had seen her.

Bason had been a friend to her through this, always there when she needed and willing to talk, maybe it had all just been another order for him. Her trust in him was shattered and she was too hurt even to cry so she just tightened her grip on Men and followed as Ren led the way to the gym. Just like her anger at the thought of her father the day before, the pain the memory of her mother had caused only hours before that, the frustration of being followed by someone who feared her, even the pain she felt at the way Baos' opinion had change, she bottled up the betrayal she felt from Bason.

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She had been utterly silent as Ren had trained, pushing himself much farther than he had the day before. At least today she was being responsive to Men and had brought a few toys from the other room to entertain him with. By the time he was finished it was time to go up to dinner and Ren was starting to feel odd, having gone so long without holding his son, but Pirikas' arms clutched him desperately so he kept quiet.

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The meal had been slightly awkward because Pirika seemed to have fallen into her own little world, not responding to anyone as they spoke to her. Before they left Ren told his parents that they were leaving tomorrow and would be gone about a week. Neither objected because they were also concerned for the young girl and it wouldn't have done any good if they had tried anyway.

Ren might not fully see how she affected him, but his family could. As she had warmed up and started smiling again, Ren had been at peace as he hadn't been in a long time. Even Yuan could see how helping her deal with her pain helped Ren deal with his own loses, both that of his closest friend but also the failure of his marriage. He kept a strong face and acted like it meant nothing, but they all knew better. If she could help Ren handle things, they only hoped he could help her as well. Then maybe they could both begin to heal.

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Once they were back in the bedroom Ren grabbed two bags from under the bed. "I'm going to take a shower than you should. For now why don't you pack what you need." Not bothering to wait for an answer he grabbed a clean pair of pants and headed down the hall. As soon as he shut the door he paused for a moment. "Bason?" "Yes Bocchama?" the warrior asked. "Do not leave her for even a moment. If you think she might do something get me immediately."

The spirit floated back through the door and did as instructed, but he hadn't expected it to be this difficult. As soon as he materialized Pirika seemed upset. She had set Men down in the cradle and pulled her bag out of the drawer Ren had cleared for her. He watched silently as she grabbed the few pieces of clothing she had and threw them in.

When she felt his presence she looked up. "Get out." She demanded coldly, causing him to shrink back slightly, confused. "But mistress I don't understand." He told her sadly. "Maybe you didn't expect to get caught but you did! Now get away from me, or at least pretend to like you have been." Bason was hurt and confused but refused to move from his spot by the door.

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When Ren came back into the room he saw Bason cowering in the corner and Pirika glaring daggers at him. Raising a brow he looked back and forth between the pair. "Something wrong?" he asked casually. "Keep him away from me." She snapped angrily. "Bocchama I believe she thinks I have been following her around on your orders." Suddenly it made sense. "I don't need Bason to tell me what you do and I wouldn't trust him to anyways. He made his loyalties clear from the beginning and they do not lie with me."

His words were cold because what he said was true. Bao had told him that Pirika had been to the stables the afternoon before and had been talking to something she couldn't see. He knew Bason had been with her and had failed to tell him and that was only one instance he had sided with her. In truth he felt more betrayed now then she did thinking Bason had turned against her. Bason had been his ghost for longer than he could remember and to have him disobey this way hurt more than he would ever admit.

"If he didn't tell you then what makes you think I did anything." "Because you all but told me yourself. The way your eyes darted around, the way you glared at Bao, how you kept your sleeves pulled down and gripped them as if your life depended on it. Now if you are finished you should go take a shower and keep Kororo with you." Pirika was so confused and upset she didn't even try and fight, instead choosing to just leave. Maybe when they were in Japan she would have a chance to run, get out and start fresh.

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As soon as the door slammed shut he regretted his reaction. The pain of how things were going with Bason had taken over and he had snapped at her. It had been stupid considering what she had done. Now she was in the bathroom alone with a chance to act again. When she got back he had to talk to her. He couldn't keep hurting her because he was angry. She was crashing quickly and he had to do something.

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Ren had handed Men a stuffed dragon to cuddle and began packing on his own. It didn't take long to pack his own things, but Men was a little more difficult. He would need clothes, bottles, toys, diapers, blankets, not to mention the car seat they had but had never needed. Eventually he had everything he expected they would need in the second bag.

Glancing up at the clock he saw that a little over an hour had passed and she still wasn't back. Just as he started to panic and walk towards the door it opened and she walked in. He couldn't help but give a sigh of relief at the sight of her. She obviously didn't want to talk so he let her grab her book and sit in a chair in the corner.

Ren fully intended to give her a bit of space while he put Men to bed, but he had spent the last month picking his battles carefully. He knew he could only push her so far before things would fall apart and so he had been trying to let her handle things herself unless it was extremely important. As much as he hated knowing that she had been out in the stables with Hakuoh, or her sleeping in the corner of his room after refusing to lay on the bed with him, but if he put his foot down for every little thing she wouldn't listen when it really mattered so he bit his tongue and ignored it.

Her hurting herself and falling apart this way was something that had to be dealt with now. Once Men was snoring softly Ren walked over to her. She acted as if he wasn't there so he reached down and grabbed one of her arms. Pirika lowered her head and let herself go limp, knowing there was no point in fighting. He already knew what she had done and she would never be able to get away from him so she didn't bother wasting her energy.

Pushing down her sleeve he saw a new scratch beside the still healing one from two weeks ago. This one was nowhere near as deep. Obviously she hadn't been trying to kill herself again; she had proved she was more than capable of that. "Why?" He asked sadly as he saw the identical mark on her other wrist. "Why does it even matter?" she snapped. "Onii-chan is gone and no one else will ever care about me. The only reason you and the others are doing things for me is because you cared about my brother. All of you were friends with him, not me."

This wasn't going to be easy so he grabbed her hand and pulled her to her feet before leading her over to the bed. Ren didn't really want to stand for as long as this would take and she would probably feel more comfortable if they were at the same level and he wasn't towering over her. "Look at me." He commanded and as if programed she looked up at him.

"Pirika, it would have been easier for all of us to try and forget about Horohoro. The easiest way to do that would have been to shut you out but no one did. Every time someone looked at you, they thought of him and remembered everything. Still after learning about the accident and the fact that your brother was gone everyone's first question was about you."

While he spoke she had started to cry. Ever since her brother had left home and their father had decided his children were no longer his problem she had followed him everywhere. She had never made any friends of her own. Being a shaman and as loud and hyper as she was very few people had any patience for her.

At first it had hurt, but Horohoro was always there for her and so it was alright. When he had died she felt alone like never before. All she had were the friends her brother had made years ago. Listening to Ren say that she was more than a dead friends' baby sister was hard to accept, but she would have given anything for it to be true, to think that she had her own friends.

Still, Pirika was an pathetic, childish girl from Hokkaido. Why would anyone want anything to do with her? His words were confusing her, making her question her earlier thoughts. It all began to overwhelm her so she wrapped her arms tightly around herself and started to sob.

"The first thing Yoh did after getting the call from the police was come get you. Anna sent Manta to your apartment to get everything you would need so they could take you in to keep an eye on you. Faust looked at you half a dozen times after that, trying to get you to open up or discover something that could help you. When you lost the apartment all of the guys packed up everything they could. Picking through the stuff was hard, but they knew it would have been harder for you so they did it anyway."

Ren could see he was getting to her so he kept talking. "Hell, I brought you here despite the fact that my wife had a fit and was about ready to kill me. I only promised I would make sure you were taken care of and there were a hundred other ways I could have done that. Yoh and Anna were happy to take you in, but being seventeen you might have been put in foster care and none of us were willing to allow that. So I brought you over the ocean to a location all but untraceable. Once your birthday passed you could have gotten a place in Tokyo or gone back up to Hokkaido. It was also suggested that we let you drop out of school because we all knew how you hated it."

"S-stop." She pleaded. "It doesn't make any sense. Why would anyone go out of the way for me? My own father doesn't love me. I-I'm not worth it." As much as Ren was trying to help, he had never been a patient person. "You meant the world to your brother Pirika. In order for anyone to care about him you had to mean something as well. You were to much a part of him to be ignored." Looking up her eyes searched him, taking in his pain and also something else. He seemed almost desperate, and seeing that she broke.

Ren never saw her next move coming. Before he could stop her she moved towards him and let herself fall against his chest. Her arms moved around his waist and held him tightly, fists clenched as if wanting to make sure he wouldn't get away. As soon as her arms snaked around him and her head rested on his chest he tried to pull back but her grip was too tight to do it easily. So, instead, he let her in, just for a bit. Just as he had the few other times she had needed this, he held her and let her cry.

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For the second time in his life, Ren woke up with someone in his arms. Just like before, he couldn't help but enjoy the warmth it gave him. He didn't have much of a chance to think about it though as Men was crying loudly. After he started to move the girl in his arms stirred and reached for the hungry infant. She must have remembered how they had fallen asleep because he could feel her eyes on him the entire time even though his back was to her.

The original reason he had held her was that he hadn't wanted her to feel so alone. Although it was for her, it helped him with how lonely he was as well. Once she finished with Men and set him down, he felt her hesitate. She was debating where to go. Personally Ren hoped she would lie next to him again. In the end that was her choice, and slowly she sat beside him as he moved his arm. Once she was under the covers and still he placed his arm around her, waiting to see how she would respond.

He didn't want to make her uncomfortable and he certainly didn't plan on doing anything to her. It was just nice to be this close to someone, to know with such certainty you weren't alone. After a few moments she leaned back against him again. She hadn't felt this way, this accepted, since her brother had been with her. When she closed her eyes she didn't feel quite so lost.

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	11. Chapter 11

Ok, here is the next wonderful installment. I am hoping to start updating more regularly so I am planning on doing every four days for each story. That gives me time to write and deal with other things and you will still know when to check. Fingers crossed I won't let you down.

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Once they were done with breakfast they went back to Rens' room to get ready. Pirika faltered for a moment when deciding which jacket to wear, and just like before, she grabbed his, still not able to let it go. Once she had the white and blue snowboarding jacket on she grabbed her boots and slipped her feet into them.

Ren was still grabbing a few things for Men he had been unable to pack the night before, so Pirika lifted the infant gently and put another thin layer over him. Once he was bundled well enough she put him in the car seat and buckled it tightly. By the time she was finished, Ren was ready and a Kyonshi had arrived to carry all the bags. Glancing one last time at the cooing boy she draped his blanket over it so the wind wouldn't blow right on his face.

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Ren had watched the Ainu girl carefully for both the drive and the flight. She wasn't angry as she had been the two days before. Now she was just sad and withdrawn. Regardless, Ren felt like she was more stable this way. When Men had gotten bored she pulled out a toy that had a rattle on one end and a squeaky toy on the other. He could entertain himself with this for hours but didn't often get the chance as Ren found the constant noise irritating. With the smiles and laugh he gave and the way Ren glared over at her, she gave the nervous ghost of a smile she used when she looked at him before.

It was at least one little sign she was better. When he felt the plane start to descend he went over to her and sat down. "We need to have a short talk before we land." Taking her eyes off Men for the first time she looked up at him fearfully. She vividly remembered him saying that if she hurt herself again he would have Bao follow her constantly again, even to meals and such. He didn't seem mad, maybe disappointed and definitely serious, but not angry.

"I won't be able to have you watched constantly so I'm going against my better judgment and allowing you to spend at least some time alone. You should know that I am not joking when I say if you hurt yourself again we will go straight back and every move you make will be monitored. Just as if you hadn't come, Bao will follow you to every meal and every lesson, and if you aren't with her you will be with me. Do you understand?" Getting upset at how he treated her like a child she just nodded, not trusting herself to speak.

"I am still going to want to know where you are so if you leave the onsen you need to tell me or agree to have Bason follow you. Frankly I have no preference as long as I can find you if need be. This isn't going to be easy but try and let them help. It will be good for you and they will be glad to do something to help."

Her eyes went down to the floor as he mentioned the other wanting to do something for her. Despite everything he had said the night before it was still hard for her to believe. She expected that they would ask her how she was doing, maybe talk for a few minutes, but after that they would move on, feeling like their duties to her brother were finished.

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The pair of them were quiet as she grabbed the toys Men had played with on the flight and he grabbed the carrier holding his son. Ren didn't speak again until the car had arrived at the inn and they got out. Peeking in Ren smiled when he saw his boy was asleep. It was the first time he had ever been out of the compound, let alone the country and you could all but feel the smog in the air. Despite that, he was out cold. One last thought occurred to him as they waited for someone to answer the door.

"It's obvious how Men helps you." He told the Ainu softly. "If you want to spend time with him this week you are welcome to. Since you seemed to need permission last time I will give it to you now." A real smile crossed Pirikas lips at his words. She wouldn't even try to deny how the little boy made her feel and knowing that she could go cuddle him whenever she wanted made her feel a little better about this whole idea. "Please just make sure I always know where he is. I-I don't like being away from him for very long."

The worry in his voice was obvious and for some reason it made her feel better. These glimpses of his soft side helped her see him in a different light. It showed that no matter how cold hearted the Tao seemed, her brother had been right. Although he tried to hide it, Ren truly cared. Ren was glad when Tamao opened the door and drew Pirikas' curious gaze from him as it was starting to make him uncomfortable.

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Tamao led them into the living room where Yoh and Manta were talking while Anna laid on the floor watching her soaps. All three looked up and smiled as Ren walked in, taking the blanket off Men and getting him out of the restraints. Lifting him up, all eyes were on the still slumbering infant. "He's really cute." Manta said happily. Glancing around even Anna hid a small smile on her lips as she eyed the boy. "Hana will enjoy seeing him once he gets up from his nap." She said.

"You said his name was Men right?" Yoh asked with a grin as he walked forward to get a better look. If it weren't for the silver hair he would look just like his father. Suddenly Yoh glanced around, confused. "Where's Pirika?" He asked softly. Looking up Ren spotted her standing fearfully just outside of the room. Not saying a word he tilted his head toward her and Yoh nodded.

Pirika was oblivious to the fact that everyone else was staring at her. Being here in the onsen she and her brother had stayed at so frequently, things were coming back and she was having trouble coping. She didn't notice the tears falling down her face or how short of breath she was. Instead she looked around and saw him. First she saw him sitting on the couch laughing with the others, but when she turned he was out the window, playing with Kororo. Looking into the kitchen she saw him emptying plate after plate of food.

After trying and failing to catch her attention he did the only thing that had always worked for him. "Look at me!" he called clearly and sharply. Just as every other time he had used those three words she obeyed. "You need to stop." He told her, meeting her distraught eyes.

He let his gaze dart over to Yoh for a second and whispered softly enough that only he could hear her. "She can't sleep alone so I was hoping she could stay with Tamao. Could she bring her to put away her things?" "Sure, I'll get her." Yoh responded as he walked out. This seemed to be just as hard as he thought it might be for her and he hoped he wouldn't end up regretting it. "You need to be strong at least for a bit, alright?"

The others were more than a little surprised by the gentle, yet firm tone he used and also how well it seemed to work. After giving only a few more sobs she bit her lip hard and managed to calm herself some. "Good. Get settled first, then you can get someone and walk around." Her knuckles were turning white with how tightly her fists were clenched but she gave a tiny nod. Yoh pushed Tamao forward gently and the woman touched Pirikas' arm gently. "Come on, let's go put your things away." She suggested. The blunette was shaky but allowed Tamao to lead her away.

Men was starting to whine so as soon as Pirika was out of sight he looked down and saw how flushed he looked. Touching his cheek he realized for the first time how much warmer it was in here than it had been outside or in the plane and Men had on too many layers. "I need to take Men upstairs and change him. Do you want me in the same room as usual?" "Yep." Yoh said with a smile as the Chinese man left.

"Don't you think he was being a little hard on her?" Manta asked nervously. "No." Faust said from the doorway. "She needs it. With how she responded the first two weeks I'm amazed by her progress." "She looked like she was falling apart." Manta said, still far from convinced. Understanding the small man's worry Faust smiled. "I am overly familiar with both loss and grief and I promise you she is doing well. She is responding to outside stimuli, she is meeting people's eyes, and she has even pulled out of the emotionless shell she was trapped in before she left. Remember it has only been two months."

"I'm more surprised by short pants." Ryu said walking in. "He spoke softly to her and the look he gave his boy was something I never expected from him." Yoh chuckled softly. "I just wonder what happened to Jeanne. He was a mess the last time he came but he's gotten better too. I didn't think he would start to mellow out again until one of them got fed up and left." "I don't think I would ever call Ren mellow." Manta muttered, making everyone laugh.

"Well, he was better before he got married. After that he got edgy and angry again. What do you think happened? Why are they both getting better?" "Isn't it obvious?" Anna asked as she rolled her eyes. Looking around, the only person in the room that seemed to understand was Faust judging by the small smile he had. Everyone else was clueless. "I'm sure it'll come to you eventually." She said as they heard a door open upstairs.

All of them got quiet as Ren came back in. This time Men was wide awake and looking around the room curiously. Both Ryu and Faust looked over happily, seeing him for the first time, but before they could say anything more noises were heard upstairs and they knew the two women were coming back down.

Tamao walked in easily but Pirika lingered by the door. It was the first time since Jeanne left that she had been around this many people at once, but they were all smiling at her so she walked in slowly. "Hey Pirika, you look good." Yoh said happily, his easy laid back smile on his face.

Her blue eyes darted over to Ren for a moment, as if unsure what to do, but his eyes were locked on Men. He knew she had looked but he had brought her here so she could open up and so he was planning to ignore her when possible.

It wasn't that he wanted to hurt her, but he wanted her to start trusting the others. She would see how much they cared fastest if he gave her nowhere else to go. Just as a number of times before, his actions were risky, because she could just collapse into herself again. With how much she didn't want to be alone constantly he hoped she would move towards them.

"I'm-better." She finally managed. "Good." Yoh told her. "We've all been really worried about you." His words made her remember what Ren had told her the night before and she wondered if she really mattered. The confusion and pain she showed made Yoh worried that he had upset her. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-" "I'm fine Yoh-sama." She told him, looking right at him. He still wasn't convinced, but with her forced smile and the fact that she was making eye contact with him for the first time he didn't push it.

Determined to get the girl to open up a bit Anna started asking her questions. "Ren told us you started school up again. Are you enjoying it any more than you did here?" This question actually made Ren listen closer. He had talked to Tanaka about how she was doing but it hadn't occurred to him to ask her how she felt. After how she had talked about only finishing school for her brother and so he just assumed she would always hate it. Judging by the conflicted look she wore, she certainly didn't find it enjoyable.

"It's different." She admitted. "He says he's trying to figure out how I learn to make things easier, but it's still a struggle." This was the first she had ever actually admitted how much she hated school, or how hard it was for her. When she looked around she thought everyone would be looking away or otherwise distracted but all eyes were on her.

"Don't worry too much about it. Nothing they can teach you will ever really make a difference in your life. I don't think I learned anything from any school teachers after we got back from America. All you gotta do is-" "Yoh, you are a lazy bastard and only succeed by cheating. Do not give her any ideas because she will do this properly." Ren snapped angrily. It wasn't as if she needed another reason to want to quit trying.

Looking between the ashamed Yoh and the angry Ren she giggled softly, causing everyone else to look at her happily. She had begged her brother for years to let her cheat like Yoh had, but he always threw a fit and said basically the same thing Ren just had. The words echoed through her head as if he was standing right next to her shouting like he used to. Tears filled her eyes at the thought of him, at the sound of his voice in her ears. The memory broke her down and she barely had time to mutter an apology before she ran upstairs.

Ren just sighed. Really she had done well, better than he could have expected, but he was still impatient. "Did I say something?" Yoh asked sadly. Although Ren had opened his mouth to give a rude reply Faust answered first. "It's the first time she has been someplace that they were together. Just let her mourn. She'll open up at her own pace." It was obvious that Yoh felt bad, but Ryu started talking about the road trip he had just returned from and it was at least a slight distraction.

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Pirika had no idea how much time had passed when she heard a knock on the door. "Come in." she called, trying to keep her voice even. Faust walked in and she was more than a little taken aback. He was definitely one of the last people she had expected. "Can I do something for you?" she asked awkwardly as he sat down across the room. "I was just curious about your troubles with school." "What do you mean?" she asked, confused. The calming smile he gave helped her relax a bit. "Just tell me why you struggle and I might be able to help you."

Shrugging she decided she had nothing to lose and Ren had told her to let them help her. She doubted anything could be done though. School had always been a struggle, even when she was little. "I guess I can't focus. My mind wanders and once I realize it I've already missed things."

Faust watched closely as she spoke. Her fingers were tapping and her eyes were moving from one thing to the next quickly. Between that and what Ren had told him her tutor was saying he was relatively sure he knew what was wrong and if he was right it would be easy to fix. "I'd like to look up a few things but I should know enough by the time you need to leave." "Thanks?" she asked as he got up and walked out.

When she was alone again she wasn't sure whether she should be worried or not, but in the end she decided it would just be one more thing she couldn't handle at the moment. After giving herself a few more minutes before she walked into the hallway and downstairs.

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Pirika found herself thoroughly over whelmed less than half an hour later. The longest she had been around a large group before this was an hour at most during dinner at the compound. Everyone seemed to understand how she was feeling because they gave her plenty of space. Hana had come down not long ago and Tamao had taken him to the kitchen to get a snack, Faust was still upstairs in his room reading and Ren, Anna, Yoh, Manta, and Ryu were all sitting around talking.

She had spent the last five minutes with her eyes on Men and although Ren had seen it, he was going to make her come get him on her own. It took more time than he had expected, but eventually she started moving slowly forward. The others were watching her, but kept up their conversations going anyways. Once she started moving it got easier and after a few steps her movements were confident until she got to Ren and his son.

When she was close enough for Men to see he started chirping happily and reaching for her. Yoh nodded happily at the true smile the Ainu maiden gave to the boys' reaction. Pirika pulled the boy from Rens' arms to her own. As if it suddenly occurred to her that Ren might be upset she looked up nervously, but he had a calm look as he waved her away. Before he could change his mind she walked back across the room and sat down in the chair she had just left.

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Hana and Tamao came into the room not long after and Hana was drawn right to Men. "What is it?" he asked poking Men in the cheek. Pirika gave a little giggle at how angry the action made Men. "He is a baby. You were that little once." She told him. Her voice was calm and happy as she spoke to the four year old. Just as when she first held Men, dealing with the two boys was comforting.

Hana didn't seem convinced that he ever could have looked like that so he touched him a few more times, succeeding in pushing Men over the edge until he started to bawl. "His eyes are creepy." Pirika couldn't come up with a response but in the end it didn't matter. Ren had little patience with Men being insulted so he snapped back coldly, not caring how small Hana was.

"You have the same muddy brown eyes as your father so you really shouldn't be one to talk." Glancing over at the amused look Yoh was trying to hide he looked like he was about to cry. "It isn't nice when people say mean things is it?" Pirika asked as he turned back towards her. Giving a little sniffle Hana shook his head. "Could what you said have made Men feel sad?" "Maybe." He murmured making Pirika smile again.

Kicking his foot nervously he looked at the still crying Men. "I'm sorry." Hana said softly before he went over to Yoh and crawled up onto the couch with him and Anna. Yoh started talking softly to him as their son settled between them. Watching as Pirika stood up and carried Men out to settle him, Ren was again surprised by her. She had gently reprimanded Hana and explained why it was wrong without having to think about it.

The idea of gentle parenting seemed to come naturally to her and Ren was jealous. When Men wouldn't settle and Ren lost his temper, he just wanted to scream and walk away. Pirika didn't, and they weren't even her own children. It was probably thanks to Horohoro really. He raised her with kindness. Still Ren had no idea when they had left home or what had happened before that, but Horohoro had done well regardless.

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The night passed quickly and around ten everyone started heading to bed. Pirika was nervous about sleeping here again so she waited until in the living room nearly all the others were in their rooms. "Go up to bed." Ren instructed from the door. "Get some sleep." She knew sleep wouldn't come easily, if it all, but she doubted he would go upstairs until he did so she obeyed.

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Ok I wanted to give a special shout out to those who have reviewed consistently, it means the world to me.

Thanks to Princess of the Road, Tatchan ekis, and Blackanomoly.


	12. Chapter 12

Ok so here is the next chappie, I really hope you enjoy. If you are curious about any other stories I may be toying with I have a list with short summaries on my profile page and they are separated by chances of me finishing them but the more interest I get the more eager I am to continue. If I post another story it wil most likely mean slower updates for all, but if other fics were that important I could be easily persuaded to post. When I get interest in a story it spurs me to write more and faster, so tell me what intrests you and we can go from there. A few of the stories that I plan on being one-shots or just a few chaps I will finish before I post just so there will be no waiting involved.

Now, onto the story!

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She laid quietly on her futon for over an hour, trying to be sure everyone else was asleep before she got up again. Once silence had filled the air for over twenty minutes she got up slowly. Maybe it was stupid, but she went straight to the basement storage. Walking over to one corner she saw the familiar boxes and cases.

Her own snowboard was sitting against the wall in the shoulder bag she had made. Silent tears streamed down her face as she unzipped the fabric and ran her fingers over the wood her brother had so carefully carved for her. After a few minutes she moved on, picking out the box she had been looking for.

Opening it, she found the tools for two of her hobbies. First was her sewing kit, filled with needles, thread, buttons, and more. There were only a few pieces of fabric left, but at least she could start something. She needed something to do now that she was back here. Around all these people she had nothing to do.

Back in China she had a full schedule. Every day she would wake up, eat breakfast and go straight to her lessons. After lunch she went right back studying until late afternoon. Only her evenings were free so she never had much time to fill. Although it didn't sound like it would be nice, the routine kept her mind active so she couldn't spend every minute of every day thinking about what had happened.

Now she needed something to fill her time and since cooking was the job of Ryu and Tamao, sewing would be her best option. She also planned on taking the other kit from the box, but it would most likely not go over well with Ren so she needed to keep that one hidden. It was her brothers carving kit, equip with a range of chisels, a knife, a small hammer, and multiple pieces of high quality wood ready for carving. The box that held it was beautiful as well, hand carved by Horohoro.

That was part of the reason she had come for this at night was because Ren wouldn't feel comfortable letting her handle these tools. Even if she wanted to cut herself again, she would never use any of this for that purpose. The tools were actually her brothers and he had owned them for as long as she could remember. Although Pirika enjoyed carving, her brother had been a natural at it, far better than her. She could never ruin the memories they held.

A bag she had sewn was the last thing in the box. Opening it up, she let the carvings, necklaces, figurines, and other things fall into her hands. All of them were things her brother had made either in the last year of his life or they were a favorite he couldn't bring himself to sell.

Pirika knew Men would be waking soon for a feeding and if Ren checked up on her and found her missing there would be hell to pay. For now she needed to get what she wanted up to her room. Pulling out what she was looking for she closed back up the box and put it back where she had found it.

Turning back to her board she paused for a minute before throwing the strap over her shoulder. It would give away the fact that she had been down here but she wanted to use it again so she decided it was worth it.

It was a bit of a struggle to get everything up the stairs quietly, but she managed and had the tool kit packed away in the bottom of her bag by the time she heard Men wake. Moving quickly she leaned the board up against the wall in the corner, placed the bag of carvings underneath it, and placed her sewing kit near the bed.

The other room had gotten quiet again a few minutes ago and if he was going to check on her it would be soon. Crawling under the covers and closing her eyes she tried hard to slow her breathing. It wasn't perfect, but at least by the time she heard the door roll open she wasn't panting from her run up the stairs and around the room.

He knew she wasn't asleep. It wasn't her breathing or her slightly flushed face that gave her away. Instead it was how still she was. Even when in a deep sleep she tossed and turned, muttering softly to herself. He had never told her so he doubted that she knew, making it something she wouldn't know to fake.

His eyes landed on the snowboard in the corner. She had been downstairs, but he wasn't going to do anything about it right now. Maybe he would talk to her in the morning or at the very least check her wrists, but for now he went back to his room. It was good that she felt strong enough to go through the things, but he wished she hadn't done it alone. For now he would ask Bason to watch her for the rest of the night, no matter how much the soldier would complain. Ren knew he wouldn't be able to sleep without knowing she was safe.

She didn't wait long after he went back to his room to get up again. He most likely wouldn't be back. He knew she was awake, Pirika was sure of it. The frustrated groan he had made gave it away. Just as she expected, Bason floated in the room nervously as she sat up. "Don't bother hiding. I knew he would send you." She told him as she reached over and opened her sewing kit. "I'm sorry Mistress." He said, bowing his head in her direction.

Instead of the angry reaction he was expecting she just gave him a sad smile. "I'm the one who should be sorry." She admitted gently. "I shouldn't have assumed you broke your promise." Not looking up she picked through the fabric, pulling out a number of brightly colored scraps and one large dark colored piece.

There wasn't all that much she could do with the little bits of fabric she had, so she decided to make a play mat for Men. It would be something simple to get her started again after so long without doing anything. Hopefully it would be like riding a bike and it would all come back quickly. Bason could tell she had no desire to talk so he just stayed back and watched as Pirika started laying out the scraps to try and size them up properly for a puzzle of color swatches.

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By the time morning had come she had gotten a decent start, having a top layer sewn together already. Next she planned to add flaps, buttons, toggles, snaps, and other things for him to fiddle with. Then she would attach the top and bottom, adding either a soft or maybe crinkly filling. As long as she could find the other things she wanted it could be done before they headed back for China.

She still toyed with the thought of running away, but she doubted she would. Besides yelling at her when she hurt herself or losing his temper occasionally, he had been good to her. As much as she hated to admit it, he hadn't needed to take her in, or bring her in from the snow, get someone to try and teach her, or watch over her so carefully.

It was easy to think that he kept her in his room and checked her wrists to keep her down, but the things he said on the trip here made her think he did it for a different reason. He had told her on the plane that if she hurt herself she would be followed everywhere, but instead of saying she would need to sleep with Bao again, or entertain herself all the time as she had the first month, he had said that she would be with her or himself. At the beginning Ren had to be convinced even to check on her, but now he made a point to at the very least talk to her every day.

She had been an annoyance to him growing up, as he had never failed to tell her. Now he was offering to let her be around him instead of pawning her off to the first person with time. It had been the same a few days earlier when he had told her she was welcome to come to his office to get time away from Bao. Actually she had been more surprise the day before that when he hadn't kicked her out of his office the first time.

What had really gotten to her was when he told her she could spend time with Men. Pirika was well aware of how it upset Ren to be away from his son for any length of time but he was letting her play with him when she needed. What was even more shocking was that Pirika had only seen 3 other people ever hold the infant besides herself. Ren did daily of course, Jeanne had a few times that she had seen, and the day Ren had left him with one of the workers. She had never seen Jun or either of his parents hold the boy, so why did he trust her alone with him?

It had all bounced around in her head that night before until it started spinning circles. Could he have been right? She wondered. Faust had come to ask her about school, and the others had talked openly with her. Did they really like her or were they still finishing the duties they thought they had to her brother. Not knowing what to think she decided to just wait and see what they did today, refusing to get her hopes up.

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Ren could hear her walk down the stairs and looking up she stood near the door carrying her snowboard. Meeting her eyes he could tell she was a little nervous. "Umm, I was going to go snowboard for a bit." She told him awkwardly. Neither looked away from the other as he considered her. It was already past six and the sun was setting and if she was going where she used to go with her brother she would be gone at least two or three hours.

"It's getting dark." Pirika shrugged, obviously not bothered. "Full moon tonight." She answered simply. For a moment it was as if they were the only two in the room when he finally gave a frustrated sigh. "Fine, but bring Bason." Although she glared over she accepted his offer and without responding turned to leave. Just as she walked out of view he called out to her. "Don't forget what I told you on the plane." He just heard the door shut but he knew she had heard him.

Looking back around the room he saw everyone was looking at him oddly, except for Anna who wore a small smile. "What?" he snapped angrily. "Nothing Ren, you're just being uh- a little more caring than usual." Yoh said with a smile. "I mean I've never seen you send Bason away with someone." Giving a soft growl Ren glared at the lot of them, each either smiling or snickering. "She can't be left alone, not after dark for that long." He told them, looking out the window to see her move Kororo into her snowboard and head off.

"What do you mean?" Yoh asked more concerned than amused anymore. Looking back over Ren debated what to say. If they knew what had happened maybe they could help keep her out of trouble this week, but if she found out she would be furious. "She tried to kill herself nearly 3 weeks ago." He was looking right at Yoh despite the gasps he heard around the room. It was hard enough for him to admit what had happened, let alone to a roomful of people. "She damn near succeeded. Since then I know she cut herself again at least once."

Although Pirika had always been overly emotional and cried easily, she normally seemed happy. To think that she had been so lost she tried to end it all was something nearly impossible to comprehend. "But why? She looks so much better." Manta asked sadly. "She convinced herself that the only reason any of us are helping her is because we owe it to her brother. In her mind, she has never had any friends, only he did."

"Wow. That's sad. Didn't you tell her she's our friend as much as he was?" Yoh said. "No that fact completely escaped me." Ren snapped angrily as he rolled his eyes. "Of course I did baka! Nothing I say seems to make a difference. That's why I brought her here. I thought this might be the only way she could see it."

"I thought she would have seen it years ago. Did we upset her at some point?" Yoh asked. "No." Faust replied, looking at his beloved wife. "All of you were closer to him because of what we've been through. He was the one who made friends with everyone. In her mind she was just a tag along. When he died she was fragile and part of her must have seen him as the only person whoever put her first or at least who stayed with her willingly." "What can we do?" Manta asked the doctor. "All we can do is try and show her we care, hopefully that will be enough."

Ren just looked back out the window as the others spoke. If Pirika found out why they had come, or that he had told them what happened, she would hate him. He hoped it was worth the risk. As long as she saw she really did have friends maybe it wouldn't matter if she hated him. At the very least she could feel safe and happy again.

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The trip took far less time than usual using Kororo instead of her own spirit Wakka for the simple fact that Kororo had more experience with this medium and use. As much as she loved Kyuri, they had never done much training together. In all it took half the normal time to get to the mountain the siblings had used to board every winter.

She gave a small smile as she readied herself. Although she wanted to keep using Kororo it was too hard to look down the hill knowing she was going down alone for the first time, and using his spirit. Taking a deep breath to slow her tears she removed Kororo from the board and used Wakka instead. Since she was on a hill it wasn't really necessary to use an oversoul, but it was better to be prepared, especially this late at night. If there was a rock or tree in a shadow she could avoid it much faster this way.

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In the end it was a good thing she had merged because she was so blinded by tears she could barely see anything. Despite that she kept it up, doing run after run until she could barely stand. At that point Bason had been trying to get her to stop for nearly an hour and she finally complied. It wasn't actually willingly; she had fallen part way down the last hill, tumbling until she stopped at the bottom. She was so exhausted she didn't bother to fight him anymore.

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	13. Chapter 13

Ok, After this the chapters will get longer again I promise. I have another one ready and it is a good length again. Now that I have lost memories on a hiatus I'm able to put the the time I want into this and not worry about when they go out because I have plenty of time. My muse has just been struggling I guess.

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Once back to the onsen she thought about heading in, but based on the lights and noise they were all inside watching a movie and she didn't want to interrupt so she just stayed outside. Walking to the back yard she set down her board where she wanted to sit. Looking around at the snow she suddenly wanted to feel the cold bite on her skin. Taking off her jacket she set it down like a blanket before she lay on it.

Running her fingers through the snow a sad smile appeared. It wasn't that she wanted to feel pain, the cold just made her feel like she was home again. Sometimes when they were little, she and her brother would go outside and see who could take the bitter temperatures longer. She never won, but when they used Kororo and Wakka they could stay out for hours in nothing more than a t shirt, and a skirt or shorts, having snow ball fights or boarding down a hill.

Most people avoided the burn, but it made her feel alive. Kororo was sitting beside her squeaking and Pirika felt closer to her brother than she had since that day. It was as if the icy wind brought him to her.

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She hadn't been sitting there long when she heard the snow crunch, signaling someone was coming. It had to be Ren so she didn't bother looking up. "Hey snow bunny." He said gently, standing beside her. Pirika gave a difficult smile as she wiped away her remaining tears. "I seem to remember that being an insult to onii-chan." Ren smirked. "It's not my fault it offended him. Besides, you're sitting out here in the snow just as jumpy as a rabbit so it works."

"Since I shouldn't jump to the conclusion that Bason got you would you like to tell me how you knew I was back?" Ren smirked and squatted down next to her. "It seems Bason isn't the only one willing to disobey when desired." Looking behind Ren she glared. "Baka hanzaki!" she snapped softly, causing the creature to drop its head in shame. "Well now you know how it feels to have your guardian ghost betray you." He told her with a cold laugh.

Although she wanted to be angry, he did have a point. Bason had been keeping her secrets from the beginning, even though he knew how it would upset Ren. Reaching out, Ren touched her arm gently, surprised by how cold her skin was. "It seems like he came just in time, you're freezing." Now his concern made her laugh. "_Snow_ bunny remember." She told him. "Emphasis on the snow. I could be out here for well over an hour more without feeling any more than a chill."

Pirika just looked back up at sky as snow started to slowly fall and Ren was glad he had grabbed a jacket because this was obviously going to take a while. At this point he just needed to accept that dealing with her would always take time. The talking didn't take more than 15 or 20 minutes usually, the tears that she would inevitably shed lasted at least that long again.

Knowing he was still there Pirika gave a small glare at the amphibian hiding behind Ren. "Shouldn't you be hiding somewhere?" she snapped. As odd of a creature as it was, Ren smiled at it and scratched its head softly when it pulled away from her. "What is it?" he asked curiously.

Looking between the pair she sighed, trying to hide a tiny smile. She had Wakka since she was little, but he very rarely came out because of how shy he was. He was so shy in fact that only about half a dozen people had gotten more than a passing glimpse of him. As a result, although she could always feel his presence, they didn't spend a ton of time together. Usually he stayed away until she was alone.

This was one of the first times he had ever approached someone else besides her or Horohoro on his own. As much as she loved the creature, it was difficult to be so close to something that was never really there. If this meant he was going to open up so they could actually be together maybe it wasn't a huge deal.

"Wakka is a hanzaki." Her sentence obviously had little meaning to Ren so she laughed. It made sense that he didn't understand as he only knew two of the four words she used and neither were in any way helpful. "He's a salamander." "I'm sure hanzaki is Japanese, but I'm assuming the name is Ainu?" he asked, the word sounding in no way familiar.

Feeling her slowly calm, Wakka crawled over onto her chest and laid out. He was so long that even when his tail rested near her knees and his head rested under her chin he had to stay in a slight s shape. Once she started running her fingers down his back absent-mindedly she answered him. "Yes, it means clear water and that's the only kind the hanzaki will live in." "Looks like a frog with a tail to me."

Pirika didn't bother to respond, choosing instead to just shoot him a quick glare before looking back up at the sky. The snow was falling faster and heavier, and she couldn't help but think of how beautiful it was. Although it snowed both in China and here in Tokyo, thick snowstorms like this were rare. Back in Hokkaido though, they were frequent.

Most people disliked them, the way they trapped you inside, had the potential to knock out power, shut down traffic, and all but stop the world. Pirika loved them though. Anything they took away you could live without and it was always pretty.

"You should tell the others to expect a storm, a big one." She advised. "They said it would pass over quickly." Ren said with a shrug. Her blue eyes met his and she smiled. "I doubt that." She said softly.

Turning back to the falling snow she paused for a moment before she stuck out her tongue to catch the pure white flakes. Ren just raised an eye brow and shook his head. He thought she was being childish, but feeling this close to home again she didn't really mind. Besides, he hadn't laughed or mocked her, which was quite an achievement for him so she decided he was being nice.

Suddenly the night air was pierced by a sharp cry from the house, easily over powering the sound of the TV. Standing quickly Pirika grabbed her jacket and board before the pair went into the house. Men was upstairs shrieking in a way she had only heard once before when Ren had left him with the nanny. Dropping her things she ran up the stairs to find Tamao trying to calm the child, but nothing was working.

Walking over calmly Ren lifted his son and tried to sooth him, but he wasn't calming well. "What's wrong with him?" Pirika asked in disbelief. "Nothing's wrong." Ren said exasperatedly. "He just doesn't like people." Tamao moved out of the room and stood by the door watching, knowing Hana must have woken but not wanting to settle him until the noise had stopped.

After waiting for a little over a minute Pirika stepped forward. The high pitched shrieks were starting to give her a headache and she was desperate to make it stop. Reaching out her arms she looked up at Ren, tilting her head a bit as if asking. Ren just shrugged and passed him over carefully.

Bouncing him gently, he looked up at her and his cried muffled slightly, causing her to give a sigh of relief. She began singing softly, too quietly to be heard well by Ren or Tamao, but Men seemed to hear it because he started to slowly settle.

It was still nearly five minutes before he was silent again, but as long as the noise stopped they didn't really care. "I don't understand." Pirika told him as she changed Men. "Why did he get so upset with Tamao?" "Men has a general dislike of people. I'm the only one who can hold him on a regular basis, well and you. He didn't even have much patience for Jeanne."

Giving her a closer look he saw the bags under her eyes and the little yawns she tried to hide. "Did you get any sleep last night?" he asked, already knowing the answer. Knowing he wouldn't be pleased Pirika kept her gaze down on Men as she shook her head.

Moving forward he took Men from her. "Go to bed and try to sleep." "I don't want to sleep." She muttered coldly. "And I don't care. You can't stay awake for an entire week. Although if you refuse I'm sure Faust could give you something." Glaring at him she walked to the door, pausing just before she left. "Men must have gotten his people skills from you."

Ren couldn't help but smile as he followed her out. Even though she slammed the door behind her it looked like she was dealing with her anger a little better. Going down to the kitchen to make Ren another bottle, he saw Yoh in the hall. Deciding to trust her, he shared the information she had given him.

"Pirika thinks it's going to get worse out there." "How much worse?" he asked curiously. "She said it would be a big storm but I haven't the faintest idea what that means." "Hm" Yoh said thoughtfully. "I suppose I could ask Ryu to go get a few things last minute just in case." Nodding Ren walked away to feed his son.

Yoh had been heading upstairs but he turned and walked back to the living room where Manta and Ryu were watching another Pai-Long movie. "Hey Ryu, any chance you wanna run to the store quick?" Both men looked up curiously. "But Master Yoh it will soon be 10. Could it not just wait until morning?"

Giving an apologetic shrug he told them what he knew. "Pirika said the storm is gonna get pretty bad and thought we should prepare." Manta looked up at Ryu. "There's no harm in going, and if anyone is going to predict a blizzard it'll be her." "Alright, would you like to accompany me my short friend?" "Sure, as long as we can stop by my office so I can grab some paperwork in case the roads are too bad tomorrow."

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When Bason came back and told her what the others had said, she gave a nervous smile. She hadn't expected them to trust her like that. To believe that, despite the forecast of clearing skies they were still taking her concerns seriously was nice. She had thought that they would blow it off, only to realize in the morning when it was too late.

Feeling better than she had in days she sat on the futon and pulled out the play mat she was working on. Throughout the day she had been gathering extra buttons, toggles, extra scraps of fabric and even a flexible reflective surface she could use as a mirror. Picking up a needle she began attaching the buttons.

The work required slightly more concentration than the day before because things needed to line up properly. Still it wasn't enough to keep her mind fully occupied and after a number of hours she drifted off, sitting up with needle in hand.

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This dream was different than one she normally had. It still had her brother in it, but they were playing together or doing some enjoyable. Just when she started to feel comfortable, he would start to walk away. He never slowed down, spoke a word, or even looked back as she begged and pleaded. The events came one after another, time after time.

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Finally she was jerked from the nightmare, but instead of screaming she didnt make a sound. She was hyperventilating, tears were flowing down her cheeks, and a cold sweat covered skin. Not thinking twice, she pushed her project from her lap and ran from the room.

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Ren was woken up by a series of jabs to his arm. Opening his eyes he groaned when he saw her. Her eyes were bloodshot and her skin was an ashen color. "P-please Ren-kun, I don't wanna be alone." "You weren't alone! You were with Tamao." He snapped as he glanced at the clock to see how close it was to Men's feeding time.

It was close enough so he lifted the half-awake boy and started to deal with him. She didn't speak again. Instead she stood there trembling, wide eyes following him closely. "You realize this is going to be difficult to explain in the morning." He said coldly, getting only a tiny nod in return.

Glaring at her he sighed. "Bason" he called sharply, pleased when he instantly materialized. "Go tell Konchi and Ponchi that she's with me and if they let Tamao worry I'll slice them into ribbons." Hearing his words she showed a hint of a relieved smile and ran over, hugging him tightly.

"OFF!" he snapped. His voice was filled with anger but she didn't care. This dream had affected her far more than the previous one had and as long as she could stay she would be happy. Watching his death was heart-breaking, yes, but watching him leave willingly absolutely shattered her. The idea was terrifying and each time it felt like she had been stabbed in the chest.

She was so tired, but was more afraid to sleep now than she had been before. If Ren had turned her away she would have found some way to stay awake for the entire week. Nothing could make her go through that again.

When he pushed her back the smile still hid on her lips. Ren had no intention of making her leave with how traumatized she looked, but he didn't want her to know that. Not only was he trying to get her to rely on the others more, but he also hated how easy it was for her to get her way. He was barely willing to admit it to himself and he certainly didn't want her to see it.

That and he hadn't been kidding when he said it would be difficult to explain in the morning. Konchi and Ponchi would make sure all the ghosts knew within the hour and the rest of the house would follow as they woke. Not only would it give them one more thing to tease him about, but it would also require explaining why she had come to him. Most likely they wouldn't quit until they found out she had been staying in his room for weeks.

They wouldn't be as upset by the idea as Jun and his parents had been, but he doubted they would think things were as innocent as they had been. His parents were bothered for a number of reasons, the biggest one being that he was still married to Jeanne and it looked bad but also because they, along with Jun were sure he must be taking advantage of her.

Like Horohoro, none of his friends had much faith in his marriage, although the Ainu was by far the most out spoken about it, so they would care little about the way it appeared. Really they knew him well enough to know he wouldn't use her, but that would be buried deep down. On the surface they would think he was fooling around and would never leave it alone.

In the end he would just have to deal with it. The look of relief she had as she crawled under the covers on the far side of the bed let him know he made the right choice. Since she had been so much better since she had gotten back from snowboarding, he didn't want her to fall back again, especially not while they were here, a location that could help her, but also where he couldn't watch her or have her followed.

She laid there silently as he finished with Men, eyes wide open. That changed as soon as Ren lay down as well. It was less than a minute before she was sound asleep. He watched her silently as he rubbed Men's stomach, trying to get him to shut his eyes. All of the distress he had seen on her face only minutes before was gone, replaced by peace.

It was always like this when she slept. As long as she knew he was there she was completely relaxed, though never still. He wished she could be like this while she was awake, but for now this was better than nothing. If things went as well as they had last night maybe soon he would see it all the time.

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Please read and review it makes me happy.


	14. Chapter 14

Ok, I know my chapters are starting to shrink again, it's because I'm rushing to get anything done at all. I'm having some troubles with my focus and writing is becoming more of a struggle. I'm really sorry and I'm trying to push through. This chapter is way longer than the last one and I hope I can manage this again.

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When Ren walked into the kitchen it was just as expected. Anna, Yoh, and Faust were all sitting at the table and they each gave an amused smile. "I don't want to hear it." He said coldly, getting only a chuckle from Yoh in return. "Come on Ren-san, you gotta tell us something or we're just gonna start guessing." "There's nothing to tell!" he snapped angrily, turning away from them to ready a bottle for Men.

When he turned back they were all still staring. "It's the only thing that makes her damn nightmares go away alright?" "And how did you find that out?" Anna asked. Any passerby would think she was just as cold as usual, but everyone here could see the smile that tugged at her lips. Growling he glared at the lot of them, knowing silence wouldn't work.

"She got in a fight with Jeanne one day." "Wait what kinda fight?" Yoh asked eagerly. Remembering made Ren smirk. For that one second Pirika had nearly been back to normal. "Jeanne ran her mouth a bit too long so Pirika attacked her." "I would've loved to see that." Yoh said with a snicker.

"Anyway," Ren continued, "she didn't want to be alone and it was only the night after she slit her wrists so I wasn't eager to argue about it. That was the first time she didn't wake up screaming. After that she went back to her own room, but the dreams woke her up and she snuck out onto the roof. It wouldn't have been that big of a deal if I trusted her alone but I didn't. Having her stay with me was the only way I would know where she was and what she was doing."

"That can't help her sleep with Men waking every few hours." Faust said. "I don't care how much she sleeps as long as she isn't creeping around in the dark or screaming for half an hour." Ren admitted simply. Truthfully he did worry when she didn't sleep. He worried a lot, but that was just one more thing they didn't need to know.

The conversation changed suddenly when Pirika walked in, still rubbing her eyes and yawning. "Good call on the weather Pirika." Yoh told her gesturing to the window. Walking over and looking outside the blunette saw there were a few more feet on the ground then when she had been boarding the night before.

The snow was coming down so much you couldn't even see across the yard. It might not actually be falling that heavily because the strong wind was whipping around snow that had already fallen as well. Regardless it was bad. Her lips formed a real smile as she saw it all. Turning around she went to get something to eat, not noticing how pleased the others were.

Sure the blizzard was going to suck as they were going to be trapped in the house for days and if it continued they would probably lose power, but with how happy she was right now none of them really cared. "You think it's gonna let up soon?" Yoh asked hopefully.

Glancing out the window she shrugged. "I doubt it. Chances are it won't clear up until the overnight." "Wait how much snow are we going to get?" Suddenly Yoh was far more concerned than the night before. Giving a sigh Pirika she set her plate down on the table and walked to the entryway. Having an idea of what she was planning Ren followed her quickly.

"Umm Pirika-chan I don't really think that is a good idea." Yoh advised as she opened the front door. There was two feet of snow in the door way but she didn't seem to mind. "I just wanna get a better look." She told him simply, aware of the way Ren's angry eyes watched her. Not really wanting to upset him knowing that she was planning on begging to stay in his room again she turned to him.

"I can't see what's going on from in here. I need to see the sky. If I'm not back inside in five minutes you are free to chain me to the kitchen table or whatever it is you have in mind to keep me safe." There was a teasing tone in her voice as she mocked him. "Come on Kororo." There was a sparkle in her eyes he had never seen before and he liked it so he took a small step back.

Not even thinking about her bare feet she jumped out into the snow bank. The wind and flakes whipped against her face and closing her eyes she felt like she was home again. She had been standing there for well over a minute when she realized she was on a time limit so she walked out to the backyard. Looking up at the sky she observed the clouds, the wind, the falling snow, everything that could give her a hint of the future.

Knowing her time was up she headed back in quickly. The door had barely shut behind her when she heard Anna snap at her. "If you track that mess all over my house you will be the one cleaning it up!" she told the Ainu coldly. Ren glanced over, expecting her to be upset but she just gave a little giggle. "Yes Anna-sama."

Ren followed Pirika up the stairs and stopped her before she went into her room. Pushing her sleeves up a little he looked at the well healed cuts on her arms. "You know they will never go away." He told her simply. Her happy mood was quickly declining. "I know that." She snapped. "I wasn't trying to upset you. All I meant was that you are going to need to accept them at some point. You've been wearing those two shirts for weeks. You have at least 3 short sleeve shirts so wear one of them instead."

Pirikas mouth dropped open as he walked away. The idea of letting the others see how weak she was, terrified her. Her giddiness was gone, even her anger had faded, replaced by a raw fear. Trying to push it aside she went to her bag and dug out all the shirts she owned. She had one sweater, one long sleeve shirt, two t shirts, and a tank top.

Grabbing one of the T shirts she replaced the long sleeve one she had worn since they had arrived. Once she slipped into a matching skirt she looked herself over in the mirror. Although the four pink scars on her wrists were small, her attention was drawn to them immediately.

Taking a deep breath she decided she could use this to her advantage. The way they reacted would tell her a great deal and if she still had any intention of running away from here the blizzard would be the perfect chance. She would be able to travel through it unlike any of the others. For now she just crossed her fingers that they wouldn't turn it into something big.

Not bothering to keep her hands from trembling she walked back down to the kitchen to eat the food she had dished up earlier. Without a word she sat down and started to eat, carefully noting the reactions in the room. There was a cautious air around them, but she was getting no extra attention and that pleased her.

"So, Pirika-chan," Yoh started nervously "you were gonna tell us how much snow we're getting." Not looking up she answered, voice shaking softly. "Umm, yeah, well, it should lighten up a little, but by sunset there will probably be six to seven feet total and after that it'll just blow around till morning."

"Wait did you say seven feet of snow?!" Manta cried in shock. Nodding, her lips turned up in a slight smile. "That is a large amount of cold fluff." Ryu said, making her look up for the first time. "It might take out the power for a bit but it isn't going to hurt anyone, at least not anyone who respects it."

Both Yoh and Ren exchanged a quick look. While she had been speaking they had almost been able to hear it in Horohoros' voice. It was just the type of thing he would say about the element he had embraced. The others were sure to have noticed as well and if they said anything she might fall apart again.

The storm was making her happy, and she was slowly recovering, but she was more fragile than any of them had expected. They were going to have to be very careful not to upset her. Thoughts of her brother would push her far over the edge. Everyone seemed to understand the risk because no one mentioned the man they were all thinking of.

Pirika looked up at the ceiling and as if on cue all the light vanished in a flash. "And that would be the loss of power you were predicting." Manta said flatly. "Yeah, I doubt it will be back on until tomorrow. No one can get out there to fix anything." "So what are we supposed to do until then?" "I'm sure you'll figure something out." Pirika said as she headed back upstairs to grab her project. Anna would have plenty to keep the others busy so she might as well try and finish the mat she was making.

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The day actually past quickly, with Anna being lenient with the men on chores. Most of their time was spent in the main living area with everyone talking. Pirika had spent her time in a chair off to the side watching the group carefully. They had been including her in the conversations frequently, but weren't pushing when she wanted to shy away.

Overall it had been a wonderful time. Pirika had a nice warm feeling in her stomach she hadn't had in as long as she could remember. The only time she felt really nervous or uncomfortable was when people started trickling up to bed. She watched very carefully until Ren stood. Not a word was needed as she looked up at him, her eyes did all the pleading. Rolling his eyes he nodded.

Once she finished the flap she was working on, she followed him, stopping in the room she was sharing with Tamao to change into her pajamas. After debating for a moment she chose to wear her tank top. Although everyone had glanced at her wrists and whispered a bit, none of them had made a big deal about it.

When she got to his room and gave a small knock, he opened the door already prepared for bed. She gave him a tiny bow before she entered, more thankful now than she usually was. Glancing at the bed she smiled when she saw Men fast asleep. The child was always an angel, but never more so than when he was sleeping.

"What were you working on all day?" Ren asked as she walked over to look out the frost covered window. "I'm making a mat for Men to play on. It was all I could think of with all the scraps I had." "Those are the only pieces you have?" "I have another scrap or two, but yea. Onii-chan had been going to bring me out that weeken-"

As if she finally realized what she was saying her words trailed off and tears filled her eyes. Giving a deep sigh he walked over and put a hand on her shoulder. "Pirika you've had almost no sleep in three days. Go lay down." Arms wrapped protectively around her body she obeyed, keeping her sobs silent so she wouldn't wake Men.

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The second time Ren woke to the cries of his son Pirika was sitting in the same place she had been all night. It looked like she had waited for him to fall asleep so she could get up again. Right now there was nothing he could do about it as he lifted the baby.

He would talk to both her and Faust in the morning because tomorrow would be day number four on around three hours of sleep. No matter how much better she was doing she was going to crash hard and crash fast if she didn't rest. She looked wide awake, staring out the window at the few flakes still falling from the sky.

After Men had settled, Ren debated going over to her, but in the end decided against it. When Men had cried she hadn't even flinched. It was as if she was in her own little world. She was sitting there calmly, looking utterly at peace and Ren didn't want to risk disturbing her at this point.

When he lay down he couldn't even begin to close his eyes so he just watched her instead. He couldn't decide whether seeing her like this was a good or a bad thing. Sure she was relaxed, but she looked empty again and that alone made him worried.

Being back here had been both helpful and hurtful, but remembering something they had been going to do together was a huge blow. Sleep wouldn't come to him again tonight, so he just waited, in case she broke.

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Ren waited until it was time for Mens' nap before he pulled her out of her stupor. She had moved to the living room window but was still sitting perfectly still, just staring out. The snow had stopped, but now she was just staring out at the banks of pure powder. "Pirika." He called sharply, not expecting a response.

"Look at me." He ordered. Now she obeyed, looking up at him with hollow eyes. Pulling her to her feet he placed Men in her arms and turned her towards the stairs. "Go take him up for a nap. After he's down grab your jacket and come back here." She still seemed to be in a light trance of sorts as she headed to the bedroom.

"What happened?" Yoh asked sadly when they heard a door shut upstairs. "She started thinking about him again. Being back here seems to make everything more intense. When she gets better she improves faster than I thought possible, but when she breaks-." Ren just shook his head, not wanting to finish. "Well what can we do?"

"I was planning on taking her outside once Men is asleep. Being outside is calming for her." "Actually if you know what's good for you all of you will go out. There is a lot of snow to shovel." Anna informed them as she walked into the room. Manta gave a sad smile and Yoh looked about ready to cry but when the blunette came down the stairs they all went out into the cold winter weather.

While Yoh, Manta, and Ryu got out shovels Ren led Pirika out into the yard. The snow was a good six and a half feet deep and it would likely take hours before they would dig themselves out to ground level. Walking over to the tree in the backyard she smiled. It looked like a bush because the snow had completely covered the trunk.

Kororo appeared suddenly on one of the branches and started bouncing up and down, knocking snow to the ground. The flurries fluttered down over the pair causing Ren to look up with a glare. "I am covered in enough snow thank you I do not need anymore." Giggles over took the Koropokkur at his anger.

Watching Pirika struggle had put Ren on edge so he had little patience for any games such as this. He had been about to yell at the miniature spirit when out of the corner of his eye he saw Pirika stick out her tongue to catch a few flakes. Giving a small smile he rolled his eyes and let it go.

The two girls started playing together so Ren walked back over closer to the others. Hana and Faust had come out to the porch and Hana was laughing at his fathers' loud complaints. "Oh shut it Asakura. The only thing moaning about it will do is encourage Anna to put you in double time." "You know Ren this would go faster if you helped." Manta told him angrily.

Ren just smirked. "I will assist by managing. It is something I do well and none of you are quite capable of." Before Ren knew what happened something smashed into the side of his head. "What the hell was that!" he shouted at the others. All of them looked like they were just trying not to laugh as he reached up and pulled some snow from his hair.

"Whoever threw that will pay." He told them coldly, but none of them were intimidated. Two smaller balls of snow flew through the air, hitting Hana and Faust easily. Just as Ren turned, another ball hit him right in the face. Ready to kill he wiped his eyes clear and saw Pirika standing by the tree giggling.

She had a stack of snowballs beside her and Kororo had a little stack as well. The pair were throwing them one after another, showing no mercy to anyone. Thinking quickly everyone took cover and began assembling an arsenal of their own.

Once Pirika had run out of Ammo she darted away, knowing she was exposed. Snowballs started flying just as she dove behind a large rock. Before she crashed to the ground she was caught and pulled to her knees. Looking up her eyes met a pair of cold golden ones and she cringed away slightly.

"Please don't be angry Ren-kun. You were just the easiest target." Ren peeked out from behind the rock but had little time to look around before another round came in. "We will discuss that after we deal with this little war you seem to have started." He snapped. "Umm, war?"

Glaring over at her he explained. "They've broken off into two groups. Yoh ran over to Faust and Hana and they're camped out near the house. Manta and Ryu are hiding in the ditch they made so far. I would assume they are preparing." "Preparing?" she asked nervously. "They saw your attack as a taunt and are happy to retaliate."

"So that means I should make more snowballs." She decided. Getting no response she got to work, forming tight, round balls as quickly as she could. Kororo was next to the growing stash using her ice powers to strengthen them a little, being careful not to turn them into solid ice balls. Giving one last look over the top of the rock he smirked. "This will be fun." He muttered.

"I always expected you to be too high and mighty to play in the snow." She said with a smile. "I will happily engage in any form of battle." "And I'm sure that's the only reason." Glaring down he had been about to give her a retort when he saw the playful look dancing around in her eyes. His temper was quickly softened and he just shook his head.

"You have better aim than I expected." "What's that supposed to mean?" she asked, taking it as an insult. "It means you impressed me snow bunny, now get ready, they've had more than enough time to prepare."

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By the time the war was over it didn't look like any side had come out victorious. As they trailed into the house they were rosy cheeked and covered in snow from head to toe. All of them were casting gleeful looks over at Pirika who was laughing and talking with Hana, who was insistent he and his father had been the best.

The group dissipated as Ryu went to assist Tamao in cooking dinner, Faust went to read, and Ren and Pirika went to check on Men. Walking in they saw he was already awake, lying there looking around the room curiously. "I wanna try and finish this mat today, see what he thinks. Maybe it will entertain him enough that he will lie on his tummy for more than 10 seconds." Before he could respond she grabbed her things and headed downstairs. Smiling after her, he followed.

The power had come back while they had all been outside and everyone was quickly plugging themselves back in. Manta was working on his laptop and Yoh was putting in a movie. Sitting in the corner Pirika was already getting started with her sewing again.

There was very little she had left to do at this point. The mirror needed to be attached and there were a few holes here and there that needed stitching but then she just needed to stuff and seal it. Unless something went terribly wrong she should be finished before bed tonight.

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After dinner Pirika, Tamao, and Anna went to the other room to talk Ren went to hunt down Faust. Just as expected the doctor was in his room. "I had been planning to come and talk to you tomorrow. I believe I know how to help Pirika in her lessons." For a moment Ren forgot why he had come, distracted by the idea of her not dreading every morning and afternoon.

"What have you found Faust?" he asked, keeping his tone casual. The idea of making things easier for her appealed to him, but Ryu had been making pointed comments about sleeping arrangements all day and he needed no more fuel so he refused to show how interested he truly was. "I'm not a psychologist so I've had to do extra reading on the subject but I believe she has some kind of an attention disorder."

"How does that help her?" "Well there are a number of herbs and minerals that could help her. The most promising seems to be a mixture of fish oil and primrose, though if that doesn't work there are others as well." "So try that and if it doesn't work call you?" "I think that would be the best way to proceed. Also from the research I've done it looks like some schools have begun to let struggling students use large exercise balls instead of chairs."

Now Ren was skeptical. "Knowing her she would just sit there and bounce down the hall." Faust gave an understanding smile. "That isn't far off actually. I don't understand quite how it works but not having to sit still seems to help."

"I'll look into it. What I came for was something to make her sleep." "How much sleep has she been getting? Has she slept through the night at all in the last few weeks?" "Normally she gets up with Men twice at night and since it keeps her happy I don't interfere, but since we arrived she's gotten three, maybe four hours."

Faust started to mutter thoughtfully as he pulled something out of a pack by the desk. "You can try and give her one of these when she needs to sleep but it will be a struggle. We tried to give her things to calm her and help her sleep after the accident but she refused. It was all we could do to make her eat a few bites a day."

Ren sighed sadly thinking back to how she was when he first brought her back. "Well, I fixed that by threats. One way or another I'll get it to her." "The pills are only a mild sedative and although I wouldn't recommend giving her more than one or two of them, even at extremely large doses it has no adverse effects. I am hesitant to give her anything too dangerous in fear of her trying to overdose on them." "I'll tell you how things work out." Ren told the German as he walked from the room.

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"It looks nice." He told her as she set the completed mat down on the floor. She was obviously pleased by the way she looked nervously down at the infant sleeping on the bed. "Well in the morning we can see what he thinks about it. That's what really matters." "Pirika he has only seen a mirror once and he screamed when I pulled him away. Add all the other things he can mess with it will keep him busy for hours." Looking up with a smile she nodded before she crawled into bed. "Thanks Ren-kun."

He felt a little bad as he watched her eyes close, but knew it was worth it. She never would have agreed to take something so he had crushed the tablets to a powder and dropped it into the glass of water she drank before bed. By the end of the night she had been so tired she had to work not to cry when anything went wrong, from dropping her needle to forgetting the time. The pointless tears had been the last straw and he knew one way or another she needed the rest.

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	15. Chapter 15

So I promise the relationship between the two is going to escalate soon. I was afraid of pushing things to quickly, but not only am I out of patience, but I feel like I've led up to it enough finally and I hope you agree.

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Ren got up quickly each time that Men woke in hopes of not waking the finally sleeping Ainu. In the end it didn't seem to be much of a problem because she slept through everything for the entire night. She would have questions in the morning, but he would just say he had barely slept in three days and was exhausted. It would be the truth, just not all of it.

Bason had been instructed that he was not, under any circumstances, to make her suspicious. Despite his hesitations, the warrior had agreed, mostly out of concern for her. It seemed he had finally decided that lying to her would be worth it as long as she was getting healthier.

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Ren woke up the next morning to a sun filled room. Looking down he saw Pirikas eyes were still closed, but Mens' weren't. He was watching everything happily, content to lie there peacefully. Just like the night he had been quiet during his bath he must have known she needed sleep. Shaking his head, Ren could barely believe how much the small boy seemed to understand.

Getting up silently he changed his son and headed downstairs before the noise caused her to stir. Unlike at home where she had a routine to stick to, things were different here. It was basically a vacation and if she was capable of sleeping all day he wouldn't stand in the way of it.

Once he walked into the kitchen he saw most of the others were already up and eating. "Did she sleep last night?" Faust asked curiously. "Not willingly. Actually she is still asleep and if ANYONE wakes her they will face a long and torturous death." Ryu started giggling softly, about to make a comment of some sort until Ren gave him a cold glare, stopping him in his place.

Yoh chuckled at the terrified look Ryu wore, but other than that they left it alone. Ren was obviously finished with all the teasing and laughing and had no intention of allowing anymore. Yoh was surprised he had put up with it this long. Based on his improved mood and the fact that he had admitted Pirika had been sleeping in his room at night, Yoh had to assume Jeanne was gone.

There wasn't anything he really disliked about the religious French girl any more, but they hadn't been right together. Ren was the only one who hadn't seen it, or he had just ignored it. Yoh had talked to Anna a few days ago about her suspicions regarding Rens change and after hearing her idea and watching them closely he agreed. Anna figured that, not only was Jeanne gone, but the Chinese and Ainu were getting closer than either of them realized.

Despite how different they were, Yoh felt they would work together far better than Ren and Jeanne had. Pirika had only been with him in China for two months, but already he was more protective of her than he had ever been of his wife and he seemed to trust her thoroughly with his son. Oddly enough the three of them all looked right together. It was just a matter of time until they discovered it as well.

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When she walked into the living room where Yoh, Manta, and Ren were sitting it was two in the afternoon and she had slept for well over twelve hours. The way she rubbed her eyes and yawned suggested that she still wasn't really awake. She wanted to be angry with all of them for letting her sleep for so long but she felt so much better than she had in over a week that she couldn't be all that upset.

Still she glared at the smirk Ren wore when he saw her. Giving a small stomp she was about to snap at him when Ren pointedly looked down at the floor. A smile lit her face as she saw Men lying on the mat she had made, staring into the mirror. He seemed fully entranced by it and it looked like he had been laying there for some time already.

"How long has he been like that?" she asked happily. "Well," Ren start, keeping his voice extra casual despite how amused he was at her excitement. "I've had to rearrange him every ten minutes or so in order for him to reach something new but he' been content for an hour now."

Her mouth fell open as she looked up at Ren in awe. "An hour?" she asked, not believing him. Her words were louder this time and as a result Men looked up suddenly, trying to find her. Since she was still most of the way across the room he couldn't see her and it seemed to frustrate him. He let his head fall hard onto the floor and started screaming, making Pirika giggle and Ren roll his eyes.

Men had learned a few new tricks since Pirika had taken over some of his care. Letting his head hit the ground was most likely one of them. As watchful as Ren was of his son, he wouldn't tolerate being played. His actions had been an intentional ploy to get attention and even though Pirika knew it. she still obliged. Ren thought she was going to turn him soft, but he didn't stop her. He didn't stop her from doing much of anything with Men because it made them both happy and he liked to see them together.

Walking over quickly she lifted him gently into her arms, ignoring the angry growl she heard from Ren. As soon as she held him he quieted and gave a little smile. Pirika giggled again, amazed at how smart he was. "You shouldn't spoil him." Ren snapped, getting only a smile in return. "Why shouldn't I? You never will." She goaded. Giving her a glare he turned back to the others and started talking to them again as she walked away.

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"Get up." Ren instructed when he came back into the room after eating breakfast. Although he had slipped her only one pill since the first night she was even more groggy than usual when she woke. That didn't stop her from getting up to deal with Men, but getting her out from under the blankets for anything else was nearly impossible.

"I want to go out for some things today and so we have a lot to do." "What do you mean go out?" she moaned as she pulled the covers over her head. "There are a few things I think we should get for you and I assume you would prefer buying things while we are in Japan and you can speak what the merchants do."

All his words were doing was making her want to crawl further under the covers. "Ren-kun I don't have any money and couldn't get anything if I wanted to. Plus isn't it still a mess outside?" "The storm was three days ago. Manta went to work this morning without a problem and I got a call today. I need to get home tonight instead of in the morning. This is our only chance to get out."

"That doesn't solve the problem of money." She snapped angrily. Sitting up quickly she grabbed her pillow and chucked it at him, disappointed when he easily knocked it away. The attack seemed to amuse him slightly so she just groaned. "Pirika I fully intend on giving you the things I think you need. Now you have fifteen minutes to be downstairs, dressed and eating breakfast before I'll make you."

"Get out!" she said with a glare, standing up slowly. Knowing he had won he gave a smirk and retreated. Although she doubted he would really do anything as extreme as carrying her out if she didn't hurry she didn't really want to deal with an argument so she dressed quickly and started on her hair.

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"What are we doing out here?" she asked, still grumpy about this morning's wake up. At least that's what she wanted to think. What really bothered her was what Ren thought she needed and the fact that he planned on spending money on her. Part of her accepted that it was necessary and she would need plenty of things, but she didn't like to just be given things.

Where the discomfort came from she didn't really know since her brother had no such reservations. Accepting things from others felt wrong to her though, maybe because she thought she should earn everything she got.

Regardless it would be difficult to deny Ren if he was determined. She could bitch and complain all she wanted, but little would make him back down. So she went along with him silently until they came to a clothing store. "Why are we here?" she asked again.

Turning to her Ren spoke bluntly, knowing she would be upset, but also wanting to get back to the onsen before lunch. "Besides the one day I told you not to, you have worn those two shirts for over three weeks now. You're going to wear holes in them soon. If you want to cover your scars fine, I'm not going to stop you but you need to have more than two things you are willing to wear."

"If I can get my hands on some fabric I can make anything I need. I've only ever bought clothes when I really needed to." "Well you really need to." He told her simply. "Next I'll take you to get whatever fabric you want, but you need something to wear until then because if I see either of those shirts again in the next week they will be burned."

Once they walked into the store she just started to get more and more uncomfortable. "Damn it snow bunny just pick something. Money isn't an issue. I could buy the entire store and barely even notice." She didn't know if it was his financial reassurance or the use of the new nick name he had given her that won her over but after taking a deep breath she started looking through the sweaters.

She liked the feel of knit fabric on her skin but had never learned how to make it. As much as she had enjoyed them, she didn't really have time to learn a new trade so she had just kept sewing what they needed. It had taught her the difference between what you really needed and what you just wanted.

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At Rens' insistence she picked four shirts before they left, heading to the fabric store nearby. Ren had known where her brother usually took her and in an attempt to keep her together he had gone across town, someplace she never would have been.

Walking in she looked around, taking in the layout of the store. Just as she started to walk away Ren grabbed her arm. "I have a few other things to get. Can you manage on your own here?" Biting her lip she nodded. "But could Men stay with me? I want to see what he likes so I can make him something nice."

Seeing the hopeful look in her eyes he slowly passed his son over. He knew that Men was safe with Pirika, but he still worried. It was a senseless concern he assumed you only developed when you had a child. Before he left he placed a hand on his silver hair as if for reassurance.

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He completed his errands as quickly as possible so he could get back to them, but it still took longer than he wanted. When he got back to the he saw the pair of them next to a large roll of fabric and she was pulling a little out so Men could feel it.

Now that he knew they were both fine he could relax and hold back. It was interesting to watch them from a distance. If it was possible, Pirika seemed to behave even more naturally when she didn't think he was there.

When Men started smiling she leaned forward and placed a kiss on his head. Ren guessed she had done it before when the pair was alone because it seemed easy for her. Something about the scene pulled at Ren and he didn't know what it was. Not wanting to deal with figuring it right now he moved towards them and let Pirika lead him around, pointing out what she liked.

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He knew it would be easy to please her, but after struggling with Jeanne for a year it was a nice surprise. In the end he had gotten her more than she had asked for because he wanted it to last. Sewing was something that managed to distract her and she needed something to fill her time. Having her stay with Bao all the time clearly wasn't going to work and she couldn't follow him around watching forever.

Besides that, he could remember her telling him that she enjoyed simple household tasks like that. It meant enough to her that she made her way to the basement alone to dig it up and when she saw Men playing on the mat, her smile was as real as he had seen since the accident.

Besides cooking, this was the only thing she had admitted she liked to do. Maybe if this went well he would see if she wanted to do that as well. Cooking would just be slightly more difficult to arrange but he could figure it out somehow. Maybe he would just banish the servants from the kitchen for a few hours. They would talk, but they did that already.

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When they made it back to the onsen lunch was just being served and he didn't have a chance to tell her that he had been hoping to leave this afternoon but absolutely no later than immediately after dinner. Once the meal was finished he pulled her up stairs.

She was obviously confused as she cocked her head to the side. "What is it?" This was going to be tricky and she would likely take this the wrong way but he had to be sure. "I need to leave this afternoon. I want to know if you want to come with." There it was, her fear, the tears, and the tiny glint of betrayal that he hated so much.

"Wait, let me explain before you throw a fit." His words had the same serious tone he used when he needed her attention and since it was familiar, it worked. Biting her lip hard she nodded. "If taking you back will make you happy I will do that, but if you want to stay here I'll understand. It's your choice."

The tears started to fall as she grabbed his arm tightly. "P-please don't l-leave me here. I-I see him everywhere." "Alright, then pack your things. We will leave as soon as possible. Apparently someone has been trying to contact me for a few days and it will need to be dealt tomorrow so we can't stay another night."

Just as he expected she would cry, he had expected her to hug him like she did. He humored her for a moment before he pushed her away. "Now get both your things and Men's together while I go talk to the others." She gave him a big smile as she nodded and started the task.

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The trip back had been easy enough, with Men only fussing when the plane took off and landed. Truthfully, Pirika didn't blame him. That feeling that her stomach was dropping out wasn't something she would ever get used to.

All she knew was that she was much happier when her feet were planted firmly on the ground. That was the only thought going through her mind when she walked into the house carrying Men. It was past his bedtime so they just went straight up to their room with the Jiang-shi carrying their bags.

Ren watched as Pirika interacted with the corpse servants and he was more than a little impressed. She didn't flinch back from them when they moved towards her. Actually she didn't even get upset when she bumped into one of them.

"Don't they bother you?" he asked curiously. When she looked up at him she was surprised. "What?" Seeing him motion to the servants exiting the room she shrugged, going back to changing Men into a fresh diaper and onesie. "Not really. They don't judge. They don't point or whisper. That's three points for them all ready."

"That's a bit more cynical than I would have expected coming from you." The calm raw smile she gave made him smirk a bit. "Are there really any shamans these days that prefer the way they are treated by humans?" "You saw Bao on the way in didn't you?" he guessed. Now her smile turned apologetic. "I'm sorry. I didn't really mean that. The way her attitude changed is just something I'm tired of"

"We all are." He reassured her before passing over the other things he had bought while she was shopping. "Faust thought this could help you focus on your work. Every morning you should take two of the pills and the herbs will be made into a tea. If this doesn't work Faust said there are other things we can try as well."

Giving a small smile she nodded. "Thanks Ren-kun." She whispered softly as she readied a bottle for Men. "Thank Faust. He spent half the time we were there doing research about it." Giving a nervous smile she nodded and carried Men over to the rocking chair.

Looking up at the clock he grabbed some workout clothes. "I'm going to go down to the gym for an hour or two. Can you handle things until then?" "If I need anything I know where to find you and I'm quite sure you plan on leaving Bason." He was glad to see the casual attitude she had about being followed at this point.

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Ren had left the room around seven thirty. By the time he had stopped in his office to check his messages and the gym to exercise, two and a half hours had passed. It was a little past ten when he walked back into their room. To his surprise Pirika was still walking around the room with Men.

Looking at her he could tell she was flustered by the way he was still fussing. "What's wrong with him?" he asked her but she only shrugged desperately. "Nothing as far as I can tell, he just won't sleep. I've tried rocking him, walking, bouncing, even letting him cry alone on the bed."

Walking over Ren took him from her, but it just made him start to scream louder. The pair of them were at a loss as to what to do. Men had never been like this before. Normally he was easy to care for and loved to sleep. "How long have you been at this?" he asked, trying to decide what to do.

Her exhausted look made him sure she wasn't over reacting when she answered. "After you left, I fed him, burped him, and started settling him for bed. All singing did to help was keep him quieter. He refuses to close his eyes." "You should sleep." He told her. Although she went over to her side of the bed and sat, she didn't lay down, choosing instead to watch. Ren knew she was a little worried about Men so he didn't push her, instead choosing to focus on his son.

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She walked into his office but was met with a glare as he waved her away. Bowing her head she shut the door quietly behind herself, ignoring his orders. His cold gaze stayed on her steadily but she just walked silently over to Men. Since she had kept her eyes down she hadn't noticed he was on the phone until he started yelling loudly in Chinese.

Hearing the angry voice Men started to fuss and the stressed look Ren gave made her guess this had been going on for a bit. Every time he started shouting Men probably got upset. After he finished yelling he snapped his fingers to get her attention. When she looked up he pointed at Men and then the door. She understood the meaning easily and thought it was a good idea.

Lifting Men quickly into her arms she walked out. At first she couldn't decide where to go and walked aimlessly back to their room but once there, she found herself staring out the window in the direction of the stables. A small smile appeared on her face at the thought of seeing Hakuoh again. Not knowing how long it would be until Ren was finished, she dressed Men quickly in another layer and headed out.

When they got outside Men had insisted on being held in a sitting position so he could see the horses. He seemed to find as much pleasure in the beasts as Pirika did. "Bason." She called, knowing he would be close enough to sense her wherever he was on the grounds. With a soft noise he appeared beside them. "Could you tell Ren where we are whenever he finishes?" "Mistress I doubt he feels comfortable letting you wander alone yet. Maybe it would be best if I remained with you."

Pirika just rolled her eyes. Despite how much time she had spent on her own while they were in Japan it was true he disliked it still. "If I was going to do anything to myself I wouldn't do it when I had Men with me. You know that and Ren-kun does as well. Kororo and Wakka will stay with me." When the ice spirit and salamander showed themselves beside her, the warrior bowed and vanished.

Seeing a brush hanging near the stall she grabbed it with her free hand and walked carefully up to Hakuoh. Although he had been great with her, Pirika knew all animals were unpredictable and she was smart enough not to get cocky. Like she expected, he gave a soft whiny and allowed her to approach.

Holding Men tightly in one arm she started to brush his glossy white coat. Hearing a soft coo she decided that both the boy and the horse were content. After she placed one small kiss on Men's head and another on Hakuohs' nose she laughed. They weren't the only ones who were happy to be here right now. Something made her feel whole again when she held the infant and she had always felt better when connected with nature like she was when she was here in the stables.

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"He only understands Chinese you know. If you plan on learning to ride any of them you are going to need to be at least decent at it." Glancing over her shoulder she smiled at his hint that she could learn to ride. "I don't care what any of the others respond to, I only wanna ride him." Judging by the tense way Ren held himself whatever he had been arguing about on the phone hadn't been resolved.

"Then learn enough to command him quickly and confidently. Prove you can do that and I'll give you a chance with him." Pirika was thrilled at the thought of riding Hakuoh. Although she had wanted it, she had doubted Ren would ever let her.

It did make sense that he was reluctant. One of the last times she had been down here, she had seen a stable boy try and go into the stall. Hakuohs hoof had missed the man by under an inch and Pirika had the impression the horse had simply been issuing a warning. He was too good to simply miss his mark.

Pirika though, respected the beast in a way few people did. She understood his power and made no attempt to control him. With an animal like this you needed to coax him into thinking that your way was simply in his best interest. Once you earned his respect that would happen, but as far as she had seen only Ren had done that.

"So what do I need to know?" Ren considered her. He had decided this would be a great way to encourage her learning of the language, but if he told her what she needed to know would she just learn that and lose her ambition? If he didn't tell her she might not push herself as hard so he made his choice and hoped that when she was able to command the horse effectively she would want to learn even more.

"I'll speak with Tanaka. He can work it in so you won't know what will help and what won't. That way you need to focus on everything." Pirika just stuck her tongue out as he reached forward and took Men from her. She had been worried he would say that. Still, working with Hakuoh would be worth it so she didn't try and fight. Turning back to the horse she started stroking his nose gently, trying to hide her smile from Ren.

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Please read and review :)


	16. Chapter 16

Okay, I'm really sorry, but I am not going to be able to manage regular updates for some time now. I'm struggling with some pretty big health issues and just am not able to keep up any longer. This will be my last chapter for a bit and I just ask that you please don't give up on me. I am going to keep writing as best I can, but I really don't know how fast I will be able to update.

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"Maybe he's sick." Ren suggested. "He has never been away from the mountains before and the air in Tokyo is filled with toxins." Pirika just shrugged as she continued to walk with him. "I suppose he has been coughing some." "I'll take him to the doctor before I start working tomorrow. The sooner he starts sleeping again the happier I'll be."

Now she gave him a teasing smile. "You're sitting there reading. I'm the one dealing with him. Why do you care?" Setting his book down, he looked up with a smirk. "If you would like me to take over you're free to say so." "I'm going to try singing to him once more and then he's yours." She told him with a laugh.

He lifted his book again, but he hadn't been reading for a while now, instead using it as a lame cover to hide the fact he was watching her. Men had been fussing any time she stopped moving or set him down for the last four hours, so she had spent most of the time walking with him. As long as he was being held and in motion he seemed rather content, but she needed to sleep at some point too.

Despite the stress of the situation she was calm as could be, still smiling. They had only been back one day but already Ren could see how much better she was. His plan of making her see that the others cared about her had worked wonders, but Ren thought it might be something more as well, something he couldn't quite name.

Maybe later he would try and figure out what it was. For now though, he would settle for the fact that she was happy. He still saw a flicker of pain when she thought of her brother, but it didn't last very long anymore. Also she was able to pull herself out of it most of the time.

Ren was glad she hadn't chosen to stay in Japan. He offered because he wanted to make sure she was happy. Despite how he thought dealing with her would be too much for him right now, it was comforting. More than that, he just enjoyed having her around.

When he heard her stop singing he came back down to earth and focused on the pair of them again. Her tongue was sticking out of the corner of her mouth in obvious concentration. She kept pacing for a bit but Men was finally quiet. Standing up slowly he walked over to see the child's eyes finally closed. Now all he wondered was why she didn't put him down.

Knowing what he was thinking she stopped moving and kept him bouncing lightly. "This happened yesterday and when I set him down he woke up. I don't want to risk that again." "If he just needs to be moving put him in the cradle. At least then you can get off your feet." "I really don't mind Ren-kun." She whispered with a smile.

"Do it anyways. If he wakes up I'll walk the halls with him. I used to do it when he was only a few weeks old. At that point it was more a calming mechanism for me not him but it should work both ways." Nodding she moved over to the mostly unused cradle in the corner and set him down.

Giving a soft push, she crossed her fingers and sat down next to it. She wanted to cheer when he gave a contented sigh and snuggled in. Knowing that would wake him, she settled for a smile and the ability to close her eyes and lean against the wall. Not willing to risk him waking she kept pushing it back and forth.

Ren watched her in amusement. Each push got softer and softer until finally she stopped, having fallen asleep herself. He hadn't given her any of the sleeping pills since they got back and he wasn't sure if she would be able to start sleeping again but obviously that wasn't a problem. Seeing the motion slowing Kororo floated over, sat on the side of the cradle and started swinging back and forth, keeping it rocking gently.

Giving the ice spirit a small smile he walked over to the group of them. For a moment he just watched the scene happily. He still didn't know what it was about seeing Pirika care for Men that warmed him, but it did. Once he had gotten enough of the pair of them he moved his arms under Pirika and lifted her carefully, not wanting to wake her.

She must have been tired because she merely shifted as he lay her down on the bed and pulled the blankets over her. Before he went over to his side he ran the back of his hand over her cheek. Since her dreams had stopped, sleep had been her one escape, the one time when the terrors left her and she was at total peace.

Something about her was just entrancing when she was like this. It pulled at him in in a way he would never understand and he didn't know how much he really liked it. When he saw that something was wrong with her he was willing to drop almost everything to try and help. He was also honest with her in a way he had never been with anyone besides Horohoro and maybe Yoh.

No one else had ever gotten this type of reaction out of him. Did it mean he was weak? Did it matter if it did? When he started to want to pull away he just looked at her smile and suddenly he didn't really care anymore. As long as she was happy it seemed to all be worth it.

Knowing it was pointless to go over these same thoughts time and time again, he pulled away. Sending one last glance to both her and his son he just shook his head. He never expected that he would be influenced this way, but he didn't think he wanted it any different. Even the thought of weakness was pushed away by the joy they gave him. With a last smile he turned out the light and closed his eyes.

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As Pirika walked into his office that afternoon she wondered if the doctor had found something wrong with Men. She had been about to ask but just after she walked in the phone rang. Ren must have been expecting it because he gave a glare before he answered it. Guessing this would go over about as well as the conversation two days before she went over and sat beside Men. He was awake and so she pulled him into her lap and grabbed a few books from the chest near the cradle.

Although Ren had known this would come up eventually, he hoped it would be months before it did. He had been about to lose his temper when he glanced over at Pirika and Men. Suddenly an idea came to him. It would be risky, because she would be alone for days but she seemed to get better when given a something to do and this would be her first real responsibility.

"I will try and work something out. I'll call you tomorrow." Before he got a response he hung up the phone and got to his feet. "Let's walk." Ren suggested, heading for the door. "Okay?" Pirika said, giving him a confused look. He didn't slow down so she got to her feet and hurried after him.

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They had been wandering around the halls for twenty minutes when she finally stopped. "What's going on Ren-kun?" she asked. Something was obviously on his mind and it was starting to make her worry. This was one of the first times she had seen him this uncomfortable. "Is it something about those calls?"

"You've been doing well with Men lately." He told her simply. "Do you feel comfortable with him?" "You know I do. I'd do anything to keep him happy." Turning to face her he decided to ask. "Would you be willing to watch him for a few days?" "I-I don't understand." Giving a sigh he took her arm gently and pulled her to the nearby library. Once they were both sitting, he took Men into his own arms and spoke.

"Before Men was born I used to travel some for business. It gave me a chance to get out of the compound and away from Jeanne. I always planned on starting again when I felt comfortable leaving them together for a number of days." "Why don't you just bring him with you?"

"I won't be able to keep him with me during meetings and he is far too young to be alone for any length of time." "So what do you want?" "Would you be willing to stay here and care for him? It would only be for a couple of days."

Suddenly Pirika looked nervous, biting her lip and twirling her hair around one of her fingers. Ren wasn't all that surprised, he had just hoped she would be willing to try. "I understand if you don't want to deal with him." "It isn't that Ren-kun. I just don't want you to leave me alone." "Pirika I need to go. They won't let me stay away much longer. You are the only one I trust enough to care for him."

Biting her lip one last time she looked up hopefully. "Take us with you." She suggested. "What?" "Take us with you. I'll watch him while you're working but you'll be able to see him once you're finished. Then I won't have to be alone either." "The flight alone will be around fifteen hours, then you'll be stuck in a place where no one but no one but me will understand you."

"Please Ren-kun. I would love to watch Men, but don't leave me here alone. I promise I'll be good." Ren stayed quiet for a bit, looking between his son and the pleading Ainu. "Alright, I'll let you come. You can stay in the hotel with Men while I work. If you ever want to stay here you will just need to say so. I promised to call them back tomorrow and I'll tell you where I need to go and when."

"But tomorrow's your birthday, you shouldn't be working all day." "It is a day like any other. There is always work to be done." He told her with a smile. Her insistence on relaxing just because of what day it was amused him. "You need to do something you enjoy tomorrow." "And what would you suggest I do?" "How should I know what you do for fun? If you even know what fun is."

"And what is that supposed to mean?" he asked, pretending offense. "It meant exactly what it sounded like." "My tastes are simply too refined for one such as you to understand." "Well why don't you expand my horizons then?" Looking down at her he smirked. He saw it as a good sign when she started teasing him. Not only did it mean she was at least somewhat happy, but it also showed she was comfortable around him and that meant a lot.

"I suppose if I must, I will only work until lunch and then I will come up with something for us to do." "Does that mean I don't have lessons tomorrow afternoon?" she asked hopefully. "I'll make sure you make up the work somehow." He assured her. "And I'll be sure to talk to Tanaka about preparing something for you to do while we're gone, either things you can do alone or that I can help you with."

"Is that really necessary Ren-kun?" she pouted. He just smirked. "Pirika if you want to try and stretch out most of your lessons I don't care. All I insist is that you do finish them eventually. However you will need to learn Chinese if you plan on staying here." "Alright." She said sadly, accepting her fate of endless, brain-numbing language lessons.

"What are we going to do tomorrow?" she asked, eager to get her mind off the torture planned for her. Ren had something in mind already, that he would enjoy, but he didn't plan on telling her. There was a fifty-fifty chance she wouldn't like the challenge of learning something new, especially something he was skilled at. "You will just have to wait and see."

"Would you like to tell me about your plans for the rest of this day then?" "Men has some sort an infection and I need to see Jun at some point. She was mixing something up for him this morning, but needed time to assemble everything she needed."

"At least we can give him something to get him better. It'll be nice when he starts sleeping again." "I was going to go see her as soon as we were finished." Suddenly her eyes lit up. "Alright, well I have something I need to do. If you need me, Kororo knows where I'll be. Just call her if you want to me for something."

Ren looked down at her in suspiciously "And what are you planning on doing?" "It's a surprise Ren-kun. I promise I won't do anything bad. You'll like it, trust me." Although Ren was still skeptical he allowed her to go.

The curiosity was eating at him as he watched her hurry away. "Follow her Bason. Find out what she's up to." The soldier was torn. He knew what Pirika was doing and it obviously meant a lot to her that Ren remain clueless, but he was concerned. Ren would never approve of what she was working with, but the question that really worried him was if she was safe.

"You already know." Ren surmised. "And I'm assuming you have no intention of telling me." "It is important to her that this remains a surprise." It was obvious that Bason was keeping something from him, the only question was how important it was. "At least tell me she isn't doing anything stupid."

Thinking fast Bason decided to believe in her for now. "Bocchama I think it would be best if we trust her for now." Nodding, Ren looked back down at his son. "Keep her safe Bason." He said softly. "Do _not_ let me down." Hoping he made the right choice he watched as his ghost disappeared after her.

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As much as he wanted to trust her, her past indiscretions made him weary. When he got up the next morning, before he woke her, he checked her wrists. He felt a hint of shame when he saw they were clean, but pushed it aside.

Pulling her sleeves back down he gave her a shake before walking over to the cradle Men was still sleeping in. Satisfied she was starting to stir he went about his duties until they were ready to go downstairs.

After breakfast was over he followed her out towards her lessons. "Umm, Ren-kun, don't you need to go the other way?" "I guess I must have forgot." He said with a shrug, staying close behind her. Nothing else was said until they walked into the room she spent every morning in.

"Tao-san, it is good to see you." Tanaka greeted. Ren cast a thoughtful smile at the Ainu before the two before he responded in Chinese. "There are a few things I was hoping to discuss with you before you get started this morning." He said.

Tanaka was obviously curious, about one thing more than others. "If it's about her lessons shouldn't we let her know what we're saying." Pirika glared at the pair, even angrier when Ren gave that cocky smirk. "If she wants to know what's going on she should work harder to learn." Tanaka gave an understanding nod, knowing Ren was hoping that this would make her want to learn.

There was only so much a teacher could do when a student wasn't fully engaged and Pirika wasn't. The best way to make her learn was to convince her that she wanted to. Nothing else was a better motivator.

"For now I was hoping that you could focus on ways to engage her. I promised her that if she learned how to properly command the horses I would teach her to ride. During the next week or so I'd like you to work them in, they follow typical orders." "I'm sure I can manage something. Is there more?"

"Yes. At some point in the next week I'll be traveling to Europe for a number of days and she will be coming. I would like it if she had something she could bring along to work on in her free time. When we are leaving has yet to be decided but I will have you informed when I know. And one last thing, she will be coming with me after lunch so get all you can done this morning." Tanaka gave a small bow as Ren turned and left.

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Between wondering what Ren had planned for the afternoon and wondering what Ren and Tanaka had been talking about this morning, she was having trouble keeping on task. Although her attention had gotten a little better since Ren had given her the things Faust recommended, but even a normal person would be curious about everything.

The hands of the clock looked like they were frozen in place as she watched time pass slowly. It seemed like eons before they were finished and she was able to head for the dining hall. Ren watched her in amusement as they ate. She was trying her hardest to stay still but she was thoroughly failing. The excitement of something _fun_ had obviously overtaken her.

Actually she was just happy to be doing something new, not sure whether whatever Ren had planned could be called fun for normal people. Still she kept smiling as he led her out of the room.

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"You want to teach me how to play a board game?" "Mahjong is more than a simple game." He informed her sternly. "It requires skill and knowledge." "and luck?" Giving a smirk he shook his head. "I don't need luck. I have more than enough experience playing with better opponents and much higher stakes."

Pirika looked over at him curiously. "I never thought you were a gambler Ren-kun. Don't you love control too much?" She could hear the confidence dripping from his voice as he responded. "It isn't gambling if you can't lose." "Oh, haha." She muttered as she rolled her eyes.

Playing with her there was no chance he was wrong but still, his arrogance annoyed her, mostly because he was usually right. "Actually I haven't really gambled in close to two years. I used to enjoy it but Jeanne did not approve."

It didn't surprise Pirika that she hadn't allowed him to do it. What did surprise her was that Ren had listened. He had done a lot more to please her than anyone would have expected. Making the relationship work must have meant more than he let on.

It made Pirika feel bad all over again. Even though she knew things had been bad long before she had come, she still thought it was her fault. She had been the one last straw that had pushed Jeanne over the edge. Was this just one more thing she should be blamed for?

Ren saw her falling and knew he had to stop her now before it was too late. "Pirika look at me." He commanded sharply. Just in time she jerked her back to reality. "Stop." Taking a deep breath she nodded, trying desperately to clear her mind. Acting quickly Ren started showing her how the game was played.

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Pirika had actually enjoyed playing the game, although she had no skill for it. Ren didn't seem to mind though. He just liked playing again. Well that and the way she stuck out her tongue a tiny bit while she was concentrating. Judging by how she focused, Fausts' advice had worked well.

They had continued for a bit after dinner until the pair of them had headed back to the bedroom to try and put Men down. Although they had given him some medicine earlier in the evening, he was still fussy and didn't want to sleep, so Pirika had spent the last two hours working with him. Neither noticed how much time had passed because Pirika had her hands full and Ren couldn't take his eyes off them.

Seeing her rock the child and sing to him made Ren regret that he had ever married Jeanne. Watching the two of them together, he wished that Pirika had been Mens' mother instead. The thought stopped him cold. How could he think that? Where had it come from?

Suddenly the girl looked up with a smile. "He's finally sleeping." She whispered with a laugh. Standing up she kept him moving lightly in her arms, making sure he was sound asleep before she set him down.

When she turned around she was startled by the fact that Ren was standing right behind her. "What are you thinking Ren-kun?" He knew he shouldn't have done it; that it was wrong, but he couldn't stop himself. His lips met hers gently and when she gasped he expected her to pull back but she didn't. Instead her mouth slowly responded to his.

When he moved away a few moments later he saw how confused she was. "Put him down." He ordered. Her mouth was still open in shock when she turned and set the child down in the cradle, giving it a small push, hoping the movement would keep him under.

The second she stood up she was in Rens' arms. He tried to kiss her again but she turned her head a bit. "Ren-kun, what about Jeanne-san?" Giving a soft growl he ignored her and this time she didn't stop him when he pulled her in. Moving cautiously, her arms wrapped around his neck while he pulled her against him.

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He woke up to both her and Men screaming for the first time in over a month. Shaking her awake he got up to settle Men again. By the time he was done she was sobbing into the pillow. "Ssh" he whispered softly putting his arms around her.

Once she had quieted down she looked up at him and pleaded. "Please, make me forget." He knew instantly what she meant and pulled away slightly. "Pirika you're not even eighteen yet, I'm still married to Jeanne, it-" Moving in she cut him off with a soft kiss. "Please Ren-kun. I just want to forget, for a little while."

Tears started falling from her eyes again and he knew he was breaking. It had been around a year since he and Jeanne had held each other this way and he ached to obey her request but she wasn't thinking straight. Opening his mouth to deny her, she kissed him once more, biting his bottom lip lightly, making his defenses fall. Rolling her over, he kissed her deeply, his hands running down her body.

Feeling her shiver beneath him he pulled away one last time. "We shouldn't do this." He moaned. "Don't you want me?" she asked in a tearful whisper, wondering why he kept pulling away. "No I want you b-" "Than please." The fear in her eyes at the idea of being rejected won him over and giving a groan, he started gently tugging off her shirt.

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Sorry but like I said in the other story I have no plans for lemons. Although I do enjoy them sometimes, I don't feel like I can write them well and I want to be able to keep my longer stories rated T so more people can read them.

Please read and review :)


	17. Chapter 17

Okay, I know this chapter is really short, and the next one might be as well, but I really just wanted to get something out so I split what had been going to be a single chapter. I am getting better and am able to write more frequently, but I don't know how long it will be before I am back up to par. Hopefully, within a week or two I will be up to regular updates again.

For now, please enjoy this little bit that I can give you.

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Pirika must have dealt with Men quickly when he woke for a second time because Ren didn't stir until just before the alarm went off. He was more than a little surprised to find the bed empty. Searching the room he saw her sitting over by the window looking out at the glowing sky. Walking over he sat down beside her, trying not to startle her.

"What's wrong?" he asked gently, seeing her tears. "Nothing." She told him with a fake smile. Ren just rolled his eyes when she tried to discreetly wipe away the streaks on her cheeks. "I have no patience for your foolish games." He told her coolly. He knew he should be gentler because she was upset, but he was worried.

After she stayed quiet for a few minutes he asked the question he had been thinking about. "Did I hurt you?" A tiny laugh escaped her and he raised a brow, not finding it particularly amusing. "No Ren-kun. I just-I wanted to say I was sorry. I-I never should have begged you for that. Please don't hate me, I don't wanna leave."

Finally understanding her concern he smirked. "Even you should be smart enough to know that no one makes me do anything I don't want to, not my father, not Jeanne, and not you." "Maybe you wanted to kiss me last night, for one reason or another, but why would you want more that from me?" The pained tone she used made him sure she still didn't think much of herself. It was confirmed by the way she avoided his eyes.

Before she had a chance to stop him, he placed his hand on the back of her neck and pulled her lips roughly against his. His kiss had a desperation it hadn't had the night before. "Stupid woman." He growled when he finally pulled back, just enough to breathe. "I care about you. Far more than I'm supposed to."

For the first time her eyes met his, in total shock. "Ren-kun I-" "If you want me to kiss you again prove it." He interrupted with a cocky smirk. As sure as he acted, he didn't want to do this if she didn't want it so he wanted to make her choose. If the last twelve hours were a mistake in her eyes, the sooner he knew the better.

He waited as she closed the small gap between them slowly, meeting his lips nervously. The moment she touched him he pulled her in. Until now, a tiny bit of him had wondered if she had just gone along with things last night because she was scared of denying him, but the way she was leaning against his chest proved that wasn't true.

Her hands were running up and down his bare chest while he kept his arms wrapped tightly around her. The way she touched him caused deeper feelings than Jeanne ever had and all he was sure of was that he didn't want to let her go.

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The pair didn't pull apart until Men started crying. Glancing at the clock Ren noticed it was nearly eight. Breakfast had long since finished and his family would no doubt be wondering where they were. Thinking quickly he decided that saying they didn't want to wake Men after he had been sick would work as well as anything else, though it wouldn't explain why both had stayed behind.

In the end they could all guess what they liked; there was nothing that he could do about it now. Looking over at Pirika as she lifted Men made him happier than he had been in a very long time. Nothing could bother him today. Well, there might be one small exception.

"I need to leave in five days." He told her simply, getting only a calm nod. His next words though, made her freeze. "I'll be going to Paris." If she hadn't put it together on her own, his serious tone would have alerted her to at least a small problem.

"It will only be for two, maybe three days at the most. You could stay here with Men." Her actions were slow and thoughtful as she changed Men into fresh clothes. When she was finished, she handed the boy to his father and licked her lips carefully.

"I've never been to Europe." She said, voice light, but determined. "It'll be nice to see it." Ren had suspected that she wouldn't back down, just like she hadn't when Jeanne had been living here. He liked her spirit, but was a little concerned there might be trouble. All he could do know is hope that the trip was uneventful.

Just as they were about to leave the room, Ren grabbed her arm and pulled her back. "What happened last night it-it needs to stay between us." He told her. To his surprise she gave a tiny smile and nodded. "I know. I-promise I won't say anything." She tried to walk away, but he held her back for a moment longer. "I'm sorry." Was all he could tell her, before he let her go.

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When she walked into his office that afternoon she had a curious smile on her face. She was hiding something behind her back and he was trying to decide if he cared enough to push the subject. For now he left it alone, suspecting she would bring it up soon.

He was right. After she checked on the sleeping Men she headed over to the desk, standing behind him and looking silently over his shoulder. His concentration was gone but he tried to ignore her. Just when he had about lost his patience she pulled a long thin box from behind her back and set it in front of him.

Before he could open it she walked back over to Men and sat beside him. "And what would this be?" he asked. There was a slight blush on her cheeks as she spoke, eyes locked on the floor. "I-I made it for you, for your birthday. I was going to give it to you yesterday but forgot."

Lifting it up curiously, he opened it to see a knife with a wooden handle and scabbard. Both were carved in a style similar to Horohoros', but different enough that he knew she had done it herself.

As if she knew what he was thinking she spoke softly. "Onii-chan taught me years ago. It isn't something girls normally learn, but I annoyed him about it for so long he gave in and showed me how himself."

Ren watched carefully as she spoke. He was more than a little impressed. This was the first time she had brought him up in the three or so months since the accident. She was obviously in pain, the haunted look in her eyes proved that, but she was holding herself together remarkably well.

There was still the smallest trace of a small on her lips as she remembered him. "I'm guessing it didn't take as much convincing as you thought it did." "Probably not." She admitted with a shrug. "It's nice, thank you." He told her as he set it down. "Would you mind telling me how you managed to get your hands on it?"

For a second she thought he might be angry, but his eyes were soft so she gave a little smile. "His carving kit was in the basement at the onsen. It had all of his tools and the leftover wood pieces he had. I really wanted to do something nice for you, to thank you."

Before she continued she bit her lip hard. She was going back to the same thoughts of blame as she had yesterday. "I'm sorry for the problems I've caused." She whispered, tears welling up slowly.

"And which problems are you referring to?" he asked with a smirk. Although there had been a few troubles since she had come, he blamed her for very little of it. He didn't even really think it was her fault the first time she hurt herself.

Sure there were better ways of dealing with her pain, but with how he had been treating her it wasn't a surprise she had resorted to something so drastic. In his mind, he deserved more blame for that then her. Even her fight with Jeanne had been after a decent bit of provocation.

"For everything." She whispered, barely holding herself together. "If I hadn't been so stupid none of this would have happened. Onii-chan would still be here, Men would still have his mother, e-everyone would be happy."

Doubling checking the door was closed he spoke sharply "Look at me." He ordered, beckoning her forward when she obeyed. It was only a split second before she jumped to her feet and went over to him. When she got to him she paused, unsure what to do. Seeing her tears he sighed and pulled her down into his lap.

She felt safe in his arms and her crying started to soften slightly. "What happened to Horohoro wasn't your fault. You need to accept that. As for the rest of it, Jeanne would have been gone soon enough and Men is better off without her." "Everyone needs a mother." She whispered.

"You managed just fine." He said with a small smirk. "Besides, Jeanne will never be a mother. She may have given birth to him, but that was the only thing they will ever share." Since she still wasn't buying it he decided to suck up his pride and get sappy again.

"I'm sorry your brother is gone snow bunny, but some good came out of it too." Her eyes showed intense betrayal, despite his calm demeanor. "If it hadn't been for the accident you wouldn't be here. You're the best thing that's ever happened to Men-" tilting her chin up to face him he finished. "-or me."

Ren knew just what she wanted when she watched him hopefully. His words had worked and so, after giving a small smirk, he placed his hand on the back of her head and pulled her lips into his. Things were moving too fast, and he knew it, but when she was with him this way, everything was right.

It was something he just couldn't get enough of. There was no tension or yelling. Their interactions weren't forced, or even just because. They did it because being together felt good, and they both needed a little good right now.

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Normally, Pirika had been coming to his office around two every afternoon, but never later than three. Ren was a little concerned when five o clock came and went and he hadn't heard a peep from her. Without any distractions he had managed to get everything done he had wanted to and had a bit of time to spare.

He started by checking all the usual places, the bedroom, the library, even the stables but he couldn't find her. Finally he called Bason to help, accepting he wasn't going to find her on his own any time soon. "Where is she?" he asked in frustration. "I believe she is in the kitchen Bocchama, doing something for her lessons."

When he walked into the kitchen he saw a scene he hadn't been expecting. Three servants were standing in the corner pointing and whispering. Pirika was standing over by one of the larger counters with a number of things strewn around in front of her. There was some type of white powder in her hair and on her face.

Hearing him come in, she looked up and he saw tear stains through the white on her face. Before he could even ask she glared across the room at the workers. "Make them go away!" she pleaded desperately. Looking over at the group he gave them sharp orders and watched as they all scattered.

Seeing her relief he rolled his eyes. "You know you can tell them to leave by yourself." He told her. "I can't speak enough Chinese." She snapped angrily through her tears. "You shouldn't need words." He muttered.

He decided to change the subject in hopes of calming her. "What are you doing?" Taking a deep breath to control herself she turned back towards the counter and pulled a small card from under the mess she had made. Taking it from her he saw it was a recipe card and he had to admit, it was a good idea.

She admitted to loving to cook and Tanaka had used that to his advantage. The recipe was for traditional moon cakes and was entirely written in Mandarin. Looking from her frustrated face to the obvious mess she had made he smirked.

"Would you like some assistance?" he asked as he grabbed a stool and pulled it over near her. His humor made her glare, but she was distracted and struggling so she nodded. "What do you need?" Pausing for a bit she looked over the recipe, trying to figure out where she had been before she got off track.

Hearing Men coo from Ren's arms she turned sharply. Not bothering to ask she pulled the infant from his arms and hugged him tightly. Holding him was more calming than anything else and after coaxing a few smiles from him she gave one of her own. Passing him back over and seeing the powder on him, she became aware of the flour covering her for the first time.

Trying not to laugh at the way she started brushing it off her best he could Ren wiped what he could off of Men. "Now would you like my help or not?" he snapped once he had finished. His tone was sharp, but almost playful and just made her happier.

Pointing to the line she was stuck on she hid her giggle at his sweet side. "I don't know what this says." She told him. Reading over the entire thing quickly, he leaned back. "What do you think it means?" he responded calmly. Stomping her foot angrily she looked it over again. Biting her lip hard she made a guess, "sugar?"

"Why would you need my help if you already knew what it was?" he asked. She knew he had done it intentionally, pushing her to figure it out on her own, but she was still proud of herself and managed to finish the treats.

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The next morning as she was brushing her hair he brought up the trip again for the first time. "We are going to need to pack tonight if you still plan on coming." He reminded gently, not knowing whether he wanted her to change her mind or not. If she did things would be easier, but part of him was impressed by the way she refused to back down.

"How many days should I prepare for?" she asked easily, ignoring his unspoken question. "We will be there for two days but each flight will take another day." "How long is the flight?" she asked. "Well," he started simply. "The flight itself is twelve hours but the difficult part is the six hour time zone change. We will leave here at seven in the morning and after flying for twelve hours we will get there at one in the afternoon."

Pirika was obviously having trouble grasping the idea of only six hours passing in twelve so he just smiled and shook his head. "Since we will only be there for two days there isn't much of a point in you trying to adjust your schedule. It will be far too difficult for Men to change his sleep habits so it might be easier for you to stay with him."

Deciding that there was no point in trying to understand it for now she just nodded. "I'll figure it out." She assured him. Pleased with her confidence he placed a quick kiss on her forehead before he beckoned her out into the hall.

He let her walk down to breakfast with Men because he had one more thing he wanted to deal with first. There was a single thing he had to do to make sure Pirika didn't have the same problem in the kitchen she had the day before.

It wasn't something he really wanted to tell her he was doing, mostly because he didn't want her to see how much he was willing to do for her. Not only was he a little embarrassed about how much he cared, but also Jeanne had pushed him too far once she realized what he would do. Part of him knew Pirika would never abuse his desire to help her, if she even believed it.

She wouldn't notice what he had done until she tried to cook again, so he would just wait till then and see how she reacted. He planned on telling her he had been wanting to do it since he had gotten rid of Jeanne, it just happened to be now when he finally did it. It was unlikely that she would believe it, given the timing, but there was always a chance.

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I hope you liked this. I'll admit it wasn't my best but I did feel comfortable posting it. No matter what you think, please read and review.

Thank you for your support and patience.


	18. Chapter 18

Ok, I feel terrible that this has taken so long, I'm being just as slow with my other story as well. I am pushing myself really hard to write though so I won't disappoint any of you more than unnecessary. This chapter is long to make up for the length of the last one and how much time it took.

For now I really hope you enjoy this, please read and review.

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Pirika managed to keep herself entertained on the flight by sewing, but after eight hours she was losing her mind. Ren watched in amusement as she started pacing back and forth in all the open space she had. He let her continue that for a while until he finally stopped her and dug out the mahjong tiles he kept on board.

The game managed to keep her entertained for another few hours until they were close enough that thinking about the trip kept her mind occupied. Besides the trip to the America nearly ten years ago, which was only in the very rural, secluded Patch Village, and her recent move to China, she hadn't been out of Japan before.

Something told her this would be unlike anything she had ever seen before. It was exciting, but also a little nerve-racking. She would love seeing how different things were.

The different way that people lived was interesting. She had loved learning about it since the first time she left Hokkaido and saw Tokyo, and how, even in the same country, people survived in such dissimilar ways. It was fascinating really. Just thinking about what she might see she let her mind wander until they landed.

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Pirika had been entranced by her surroundings as they had headed through the streets to the hotel. Ren didn't bother trying to get her attention until they were settled. Now that she didn't have so many sights to stimulate her she managed to focus on him.

Before he could speak she looked out the window and up at the sun. "So what time is it?" she asked, still thoroughly confused. Ren pointed to the clock on the wall and she saw it was around two in the afternoon. Part of her wanted to fight with the logic of the fact they had been in the air for twelve hours in only six hours but she decided it wasn't worth it to try and understand.

"Regardless of the actual time Men should be put down for the night in two hours or so." Giving a raw smile she nodded "and he will want to be up for the day around two or three." Ren didn't bothering giving her a response, choosing to just smirk instead.

That confident smirk was starting to get to her. If Ren could be summed up with a single look that cocky smirk would be it. In an attempt to hide her thoughts she turned towards the corner with a tiny kitchen and started to make a bottle.

Men had yet to start fussing but it had been about five hours since his last feeding and that was a long time for him. She guessed the descent had upset his stomach just like it did hers and once it settled he would chug as much as his little stomach could hold. If she made the bottle now she could throw it in the mini fridge until he was ready.

Glancing up at the clock Ren sighed. Grabbing the things he needed quickly he told her his plan for the night. "I need to go out for a number of hours and don't know exactly when I'll be back. You don't need to wait up. It might be easier for you if you ignore the time change."

He didn't actually expect her to sleep, but he felt like it needed to be said regardless. Most likely her fear of nightmares would keep her up until he got back, no matter how long it took. After looking back at her one more time, he left.

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It was less than an hour before Men wanted his next meal and while he was eating she thought about what had happened between her and Ren. If you had asked her three months ago where she would be, this would have been her last guess. Things had escalated faster than she had thought possible, but she liked it.

When he held her it made her feel wanted and that was something everyone needed. Sure, caring for Men gave her a purpose. It gave her something she had to get out of bed for, but Ren wanting her, wanting to be with her, be close to her, that gave her something she _wanted_ to get out of bed for.

That might not be much of a distinction for most people, but after you lose everything and your world falls apart, the difference is clear. Her only real fear at this point was that he didn't mean it. He had told her he wanted her, but she couldn't imagine why. Jeanne had given her a long list of reasons she didn't belong there at all, let alone with him.

Those ideas were hard to shake and they were usually in the back of her mind even as he held her. The sensible part of her though knew that he wouldn't play her like that. Despite first assumptions, he was too much of a gentleman for that. Not to mention that he had worked hard to help her and after everything she had been through he wouldn't do that.

It had only been a matter of days and she was hoping it would go away in time. Everything felt so perfectly right with him, how could it not?

She noticed the way he would watch her sometimes, how much he seemed to want her. He tried to hide it, the way his face would flush when he remembered that night, but he couldn't. It was clear that he was holding himself back. Most likely it was for all the same reasons he had listed then.

The fact that he thought she was too young didn't bother her at all. In just over a month she would be eighteen. What did make her feel bad was the fact that he was still married. As far as she knew they were technically only separated at this point since neither had actually moved for a divorce.

When Men finished she rolled out his play mat and set him down while she pulled out the Chinese work she had been given. She really wanted to please Ren with her progress, but her mind wouldn't focus, instead flittering repeatedly back to her previous thoughts.

During the big fight she had with Jeanne, the other woman had accused her of trying to ruin her marriage, but it wasn't true, was it? Sure, Pirika had been grateful to him for everything that he had done and hadn't liked being around Jeanne, but she hadn't had any ideas of the two of them together until he had first kissed her.

The thought of getting between them had never crossed her mind. Did that matter though? She had been with a married man. She was _still_ with a married man. Even if Ren and Jeanne were finished it still didn't absolve her of any guilt. What she had done was wrong and she knew it.

Her blaming thoughts just bounced back and forth until Men started to give clues he was ready for bed. It was a short lived relief when she was able to care for him and let her mind escape from the shame she felt.

Once she had him tightly wrapped, cradled in her arms with a bottle she felt her stress fade. Really it had to. Men could feel it and wasn't settling well. After a deep cleansing breath in, she started to sing to him and he relaxed. She watched him with a smile as he finished his meal and his eyes slowly closed. It had only been a few days after he started his treatment that he had started sleeping again and was back to being the perfect little boy.

Knowing she couldn't avoid her own thoughts forever she set him on the bed and quietly closed the curtains. There was a large enough crack on one side for her to attempt her work again easily. She managed to get a decent bit of work done before the thoughts returned.

Giving up on finishing any more she changed into her pajamas and lay down on the bed. Closing her eyes she let her mind wander where it would. The feeling that she hated herself was back again, though it wasn't much of a surprise.

Even if she didn't hold herself fully responsible for what happened, there was still the fact that she would do it all over again, given the chance. The way his lips touched hers felt like nothing she could have ever imagined and she didn't want it to end, no matter how wrong.

Before she lost her brother she might have made a different choice, but now she was so alone, so lost, having Ren there for her was a great relief. While she lay there thinking about her brother another idea hit her, and this one hit hard.

When they had been in his office together Ren had said that losing her brother wasn't all bad because he got her out of it. Part of her had agreed with him. She loved Men and her feelings for Ren were far stronger than she would admit.

Was she actually in some little way, glad he was gone? How could she possibly think that? Her brother had given her everything and she would give _anything_ to get him back. But how could she also be glad she had ended up in China with Ren and his son? It wasn't possible to have both things, so which did she want more?

That answer was easy. She wanted her brother back. But wait. Could she ever walk away from Men? Why was this even bothering her? Nothing could bring Horohoro back to her so why was she beating herself up over it?

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She was still lying there when the door opened and she heard Ren come in. Not really knowing if she wanted to talk she didn't respond, instead staying under the covers and breathing gently. After watching her for a minute Ren smirked.

"Stop faking." He told her as he walked over to his bag. She wanted to be angry that he called her out, but his words made her smile. Waiting until he had gone to change she sat up slowly and leaned her back against the wall, where she stayed until he came out.

Though her tears were long gone, he could tell something was upsetting her. He wanted to just ignore it because he was exhausted. Not only was it nearly one in the morning back home, but he had also needed to deal with people since he had left the motel and that was never pleasant.

Trying to hold in a frustrated sigh he walked over and sat beside Men, avoiding her eyes. If she felt overly pressured she would close up again and he wouldn't get anywhere. Although that sounded like an alright idea with how agitated he was, he knew she needed better.

After waiting a few moments and having her keep utterly silent he rolled his eyes. "Are you going to talk or do I have to start guessing?" At first he thought she was going to lie back down but after some time of staring at him she crawled over towards him, not stopping until she was sitting in his lap.

She ignored the slightly frustrated noise he gave and bowed her head. "If you won't start talking I would like to go to sleep, tomorrow is going to be a very long day." So much time passed before she spoke that he had been about to push her away.

"I shouldn't be happy." She muttered sadly. "Well then you don't have much of a problem since you are clearly upset." His words were cool and uncaring, but they still made her giggle. She half thought that he would get mad at her reaction, but she couldn't see the smile he hid.

Her reaction had been just what he was hoping for. After her giggles had subsided she relaxed and leaned into him. Giving up any chance of sleeping in at least the next hour or so he slid his arms around her.

As much as he wanted to go to bed, he wouldn't leave her like this. Not when it was so obviously helping her, even without really talking. So all he could do now was wait until she was ready, however long it would take.

After nearly a half hour he decided to give her a little prod. "Why shouldn't you be happy?" he asked, trying not to sound as frustrated as he actually was. It was still another few minutes before she spoke. "How can I be happy when he's gone?" she asked through new sobs.

Ren sighed. Finally he knew what this was about. "He wouldn't want you to be miserable snow bunny." He explained softly. Hiding her face in his chest, she seemed reluctant to believe him. Not having enough energy to try and convince her, he decided to leave that part for tomorrow. For now he would just distract her so they could both rest.

Nudging her face up with a finger he kissed her softly. He got nervous for a second when she resisted, but before he could really pull away she leaned into him. When they did part she gave a satisfied sigh and set her head on his shoulder. Ren smiled and kissed her head when she was asleep within a minute or two.

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Somehow Ren must have gotten up with Men before she woke, cared for him, and put him back to down sleep because she didn't wake until the sun started to shine into the room. Sitting up slowly she rubbed the sleep from her eyes and yawned.

Once she was a little more awake she looked around the room. Men was indeed lying beside her, snoring softly, but Ren was gone. At first she started to panic but she managed to bite it down as she got up and dressed.

He had to be coming back soon because he had left Men here. Despite the logic she was proud of herself for not over reacting. With that satisfied thought she got ready and then stood over looking out the window at the new scene.

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Most of the day had passed quickly with few of her troubling thoughts from the night before. When Ren had come back to the room he had helped her work on her Chinese. He had to admit her determination had greatly improved her skills and now she was learning quickly.

Once he had left the rest of her day had been filled by Men. Things with him were a little tricky today because Men wanted to go outside. She just knew what he wanted most of the time and today he wanted fresh air.

The problem was Pirika refused to go outside without Ren with them. She didn't know the area and was likely to get lost. Navigating forests or mountains was easy; she knew all the signs and clues, but cities were different. She had learned that the hard way when she had first gone to Tokyo.

At least then she had known the native language though. Here the words they spoke were equivalent to gibberish to her and even her new Chinese lessons would be useless. Without the ability to speak or track she didn't feel safe wandering, even with all three spirits.

Although she wouldn't admit it, there was also a chance of seeing Jeanne and Pirika didn't want that. She wouldn't mind a fight, but she could take Men and that couldn't be allowed. Ren had made his desire to keep Men from her clear and Pirika refused to be the weak link. If she ever managed to get Men it would not be through her.

Men however didn't care. He wanted to go outside and had little concern for her fears. All she could do now though was wait. Part of this was probably her fault. Her love of the cold winter weather had her always sneaking the window open and Men had adjusted quickly.

As long as his body was well wrapped he seemed to be calmed by a slight chill. She hadn't admitted it to Ren because he was so over protective of the small boy. He assured her he trusted her with him completely, but sometimes he still seemed to panic.

She knew Men was safe, it had helped a bit when he was sick and the doctor had confirmed Rens' suspicions that it was most likely something he had gotten in Japan. For now she didn't see a reason to tell Ren what she did. It was just a happy secret between her and the infant.

Although opening the window helped some, he kept leaning towards the noises, the breeze. Her moments of peace were when he napped but instead of resting herself she worked hard on her work. Tanaka had given her more than he thought she would finish, but after talking with Ren this morning she was getting through a lot. Ren seemed to make things easier to understand, clearer.

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When Men started to fuss again she just sighed and walked over. She had set him up by the pillows and the easiest way to get to him was by crawling over the bed. When she fell onto the matrass Men was bounced a little and he calmed slightly.

Pirika stopped dead. As soon as the bouncing stopped Men started to get upset again. Deciding to take desperate action she used a few pillows to prop him up and keep him from moving. After finishing that she went to the foot of the bed and bounced on her knees. The action instantly silenced him and she smiled.

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It took everything Ren had to not laugh when he walked into the room and saw them. She was still jumping on the bed and both were smiling and laughing like crazy. Neither noticed he was there until he spoke. "Do I want to know what is going on?"

Pirika responded in one quick movement, sitting still at the end of the bed. Now he couldn't help but laugh. She was looking up with the most adorable combination of confusion and innocence in her big blue eyes he couldn't help it.

The combination of not being bounced and hearing his father's voice made Men cry out angrily. Pirika stayed motionless, letting only her eyes follow him as he lifted his son. Ren couldn't shake his amused smile as cuddled with Men.

Since he had started seeing her more relaxed, he had opened up as well, shown her a softer side. Men was usually the center of it, but not always. Sometimes he let her see a smile like the one he wore now, the kind that only she caused. He wasn't sure she realized it, but part of him hoped she would someday. There was a bit of him that wanted to keep that view of him private, but mostly he wanted her to see what she meant to him.

"I assume you would like to get out of this room for a bit." He said to break the growing silence. Sending a longing look out the window she nodded. "Let's go then." With that he turned and walked to the door, leaving her to run after him with a smile.

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When Ren turned around and saw her gone for the fourth time he decided it would be the last. Retracing his steps he found her two blocks away staring up at something in awe. "Damn it woman stay with me!" he snapped as he grabbed her arm tightly and started dragging her along with him.

At first his actions unbalanced her, but once she got her feet beneath her she smiled. Losing her repeatedly was stressing him out. Now that she was paying attention it was clear he was worried about her. "Are you gonna let go of me?" she asked. Glaring at her he shook his head. "You have wandered off more than enough for one day."

His sharp tone made her giggle. Watching him carefully she loosened his grip and slid her hand down into his own. Looking down at her he raised a brow. She was nervous of his reaction and was biting her lip hard so he just sighed.

Once she determined he wasn't angry she gave a small giggle. Reaching over with her free arm she pulled Men over. Ren helped her arrange him so that he was looking out at all the sights. He seemed even more entranced by them than she was. It was busier here than anyplace the infant had ever been before and he enjoyed the constant action.

When Pirika looked down at the happy child with warm, caring eyes he just wanted to kiss her. He had been about to move towards her when he felt it. If he hadn't been distracted he might have noticed it earlier, but he had been focused on keeping track of her. Now he knew where his attention really needed to be.

Not wanting to upset Pirika he shook it off and pulled her into motion again. After walking about another block he was sure. They were not alone. He was trying to locate the problem when Pirika gave his hand a gentle tug to regain his attention.

She looked nervous again so he hid his anger and frustration. Upsetting her at this point would only make things worse. She seemed to be waiting for him so he made a soft acknowledging noise. "Ren-kun I'm kinda hungry."

Judging by the way her stomach grumbled she was more than a little hungry. She must have been uncomfortable saying anything but couldn't wait any longer. Looking around he gave a sigh. He knew the area well enough and had eaten at most of the restaurants nearby, but he had been with Jeanne then.

They had run into each other on only his second trip here, so everything was filled with thoughts of her. Being back was more stressful than he had expected and as much as he wanted to, it couldn't be avoided. With how the evening would most likely go he might as well just face it head on.

He led her to one of closer ones that he thought she would enjoy. Since it was an odd time locally they were able to get in right away. Once inside and out of the fresh air Men seemed to realize that he hadn't eaten in some time and started to search around.

Seeing his actions Pirika slipped her bag of her shoulder and dug out a bottle and some formula. Ren had watched her pack and knew she didn't have any water along so he flagged down a waitress.

Pirika was surprised when he spoke. Although she couldn't understand the words, she knew enough about languages to know he was extremely fluent. "How many language do you have mastered?" she asked, almost jealous.

Sensing her emotion he smirked. "I am comfortable Mandarin and four of the other most commonly used languages in China, Japanese, French, German, and English, and with how different English in America than Britain that should almost be considered two separate ones. I can also speak some Italian, Spanish, and Korean, though I wish I was better."

Pirika looked at him like he was crazy. "Why?" she asked as a warm glass of water was set down in front of her. Waiting until she had finished mixing the bottle and gave it to an eagerly waiting Men, he answered.

"The different forms of Chinese were required when I was young because of how spreads out the Tao family's assets are. I learned English and Japanese a year before the fights because my father insisted. How he knew where things would be I don't know. The rest I picked up over the years while I was studying business and when I started traveling."

Pirika was far more impressed than she wanted to be. She was struggling with learning a third and he already knew around a dozen. Finally she gave a cocky little smile. "Well I know one that is all but extinct and you'll never learn it."

Ren just let his smirk grow as some food was set before them. "You never know, I'm a rather quick learner." His eyes were all but taunting her as he spoke and she liked it. When he teased her this way it made her feel special. It wasn't an effort he made for everyone. There was a light blush on her cheeks as she started eating.

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Once they had finished Ren had lead her around, seeing a few close sights and hoping he could put off dealing with things, but nothing changed. Coming up with a plan the three of them headed back towards the motel.

About a block away Ren stopped walking and Pirika stopped with him. He looked so serious she just tilted her head inquisitively. Refusing to meet her eye he spoke, voice cold. "You should bring Men back to the room. I'll follow you soon."

She didn't really want to leave, something had clearly upset him. However the way he looked right now made her suspect that fighting him on this was not an option.

He didn't know why he did what he did next. Just before she turned away he moved in and kissed her. His plan had just been to walk away without making things worse, but Pirika looked so concerned he didn't want her to walk away like that.

Besides, how much worse could things get? It didn't matter what anything thought at this point. He wanted to kiss her so that's what he was going to do. After he gave her another long kiss he pushed her towards the door. Once he had seen her walk inside, he turned around. Ren was tired of the games that were being played, so he moved slowly back into the shadows, determined to get the upper hand.

His rouse had worked, and she had quickly lost track of him. She thought highly of herself, and it wasn't completely justified, since she still had nothing on him. Her eyes were narrow as she scanned the area for him. Jerking out, he grabbed her arm tightly and pulled her off the main road and into a small alleyway.

Her deadly glare showed him that she did not appreciate being caught off guard, but Ren didn't care. "What did you hope to accomplish by following us around all night? I doubt it was for Men, but if it was you can forget it. I'll never let him go and you know that."

Ripping herself from his grasp, the crimson eyed woman ignored his question, demanding the answer to her own. "What do you think you are doing with that-woman?" she spat viciously. Refusing to rise to the bait she was setting he gave a casual shrug. "I believe that no longer has anything to do with you." "I am still your wife!" she shouted.

Ren smirked. That was the last thing she was holding over him. "If you want to make our separation legal I am only too happy to oblige." Jeanne stepped back in surprise. That wasn't what she had been expecting. It had been clear from the beginning how far he was willing to go for her. She never suspected that he would quit.

Seeing her alarm he laughed coldly. It felt freeing to see her this way, to know she had lost her grip on him. "I'll have the first paper work delivered to you in a matter of days. Until then stay away from us." With that he turned around and started walking back towards the street.

"You need to keep that bitch away from my son." She snapped angrily. Ren paused, feeling his temper flare. After a deep breath he beat it down. She was trying to get a reaction out him and he couldn't let her win. Without turning around he spoke a few last words.

"Pirika is a better woman then you'll ever be, and she is the only mother Men will ever need." His words were cold and detached, but he wanted to get rid of her once and for all. Men was being well cared for and Ren himself was truly happy for the first time in years. Jeanne could not be allowed to ruin that.

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Ren had been about to take the elevator up to the room but something stopped him. Her likely location hit him and he gave a small smile. There was a restaurant in the hotel, and inside of it was a large indoor pond filled with turtles and koi. Pirika was stressed, and when she was she looked for nature. That was just who she was.

Moving quietly he worked his way through the crowded tables, he found her just where he had expected. She was leaning up against the rock aquarium walls with one arm holding Men in a sitting position. With her free hand she was running her fingers carefully on the water's surface, causing the fish to come up to her, thinking they would be fed.

Her attention had been so focused on the animals around her she didn't know he was there until he came up behind her. Before she could do anything he wrapped one arm around her waist and put the other on Men.

She gasped sharply, caught off guard, but after looking behind her and seeing it was him she relaxed. "You shouldn't do that." She whined. "It isn't nice." No matter how angry she tried to sound, he knew better. He could hear the smile she was hiding.

All of a sudden he was filled with an odd warmth. Holding her and his son this way, he felt relaxed, like nothing could bother him. It was a good feeling and he didn't want it to stop, so he moved in without thinking.

Pirika gave a sharp intake as he let a few kisses trail down her neck. Her heart was pounding and he must have noticed because she could feel the smirk on his lips. Finally snapping out of her trance she looked down to see Mens' eyes getting heavy. Clearing her throat she turned around. "We should put Men to bed." Ren looked overly confident as he took her hand and they headed upstairs together.

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Waking up the next morning there was a smile on her face. However it faded when she found she was alone in the room. Even Men was gone. Rolling over she started to panic, but her hand fell onto a piece of paper. Reading the first sentenced she giggled softly. His words proved how well he knew her already.

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Stop panicking. I have Men with me and we'll be back before twelve.

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There was more written after that, but it was written in Mandarin. Instantly frustrated she started swearing in Ainu as she rolled out of bed and dug out the translator she had been given for her lessons.

It was an old habit of hers to swear in Ainu. She had started when she was in school because she couldn't get in trouble for it. Even though the teachers had suspicions of what she was saying, the only person in the entire school who ever could have confirmed it was her brother, and no matter how much he didn't like that she did it, he wouldn't have ratted her out.

Knowing Ren would have wanted her too, she started by translating the words she knew before using the handheld device to do what she could with it. It took a while, but she was so entranced by the task, she didn't notice. Finally she had finished, and could read the rest of it.

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Instead of leaving right away this morning, we will leave early afternoon. Once I get back to the room we can eat downstairs and then fly home. This will probably take most of the morning, so I doubt I will return until very close to noon.

I had one last chore that absolutely had to be done before I left Paris and isn't something I will exactly relish doing so I didn't want you to come. I needed Men with me for this or I would have left him with you.

Ps, If you have managed to read this by the time I get back we can do something special in the next few days.

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Although she had been trying to glare at him when he returned, she just laughed. As he lead her downstairs it was obvious that he expected she would give in to his challenge. Part of her considered being angry, but as they sat down together she decided against it. In truth she was happy he cared enough to help her.

Her mind wandered throughout the meal, but almost all of her thoughts were about him. As a result she blushed every time he looked at her. By the time they had left the hotel and were boarding the plane her cheeks were at least a light pink all the time. Ren just smiled as the three of them started towards home.

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	19. Chapter 19

Okay, the past week or so have been filled with everything from last minute company, dr.s appointment to family emergencies. I swear it never rains in life, it only pours.

Hopefully this will be the end of my downpours and I will be able to get back to the things I enjoy in life. For now though, my updates will be sporadic, though I'm crossing my fingers that will change.

I'd just like to say I love you all for sticking with me through all my drama induced late chapters.

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They had left Paris at one in the afternoon, but after the twelve hour flight it was seven in the morning. Neither Pirika nor Men had gotten more than a few moments of sleep. Ren had dozed off for a few hours here and there and would manage fine, but it was clear to him Pirika was going to struggle today.

When they got back he watched her head for her classes. She was just starting to get tired. In order to spend more time with him, she had adjusted her schedule to his new one in the two days they were gone. Now she had to do it all over again. Her body thought it was just after midnight, but she still had an entire day to live before she could sleep again.

She didn't want to seem weak at the moment so she pretended she was fine, working hard to hide her yawns. Ren knew she would be stubborn about it so he just let her go on with her day. Lack of sleep wasn't new to her, and the worst thing that could possibly go wrong is that she would fall asleep during her lessons, though he doubted it would happen.

Since the night she had escaped to the roof she had only fallen asleep once without him in the room and it was only for a few hours. It also seemed that she could tell when he was gone, because when he talked to her about the previous morning, it seemed she had woken up less than twenty minutes after he left with Men.

He was willing to bet that she would do anything necessary to stay awake, no matter how hard it was. Nothing short of him slipping her a dose of sleeping pills would make her sleep before he was ready tonight.

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As it turned out, she wasn't the only one who had a bad day. Men had overly exhausted himself by not sleeping much on the plane and he just bawled all morning until he finally cried himself to sleep. Just as when he had been sick, Ren was too worried to set him down so he just held him in one arm while he did what work he could.

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Mens' sleep was restless and he woke himself up frequently. It was a long repetitive morning that cycled through Men sleeping, crying, and eating little bits here and there. In hopes of accomplishing more Ren had chosen to eat lunch in his office.

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His plan had worked well and he had gotten at least a few things finished when Men completely broke down. Waking up suddenly he started to bawl, refusing to even touch his bottle. Ren had been trying to sooth him for ten minutes or so when Pirika came in.

There were dark bags under her eyes, but the first thing she did was walk right over to the pair of them. "I can take him." She told Ren softly. Although he didn't really want to force his crying child onto her, she seemed sincere and he really needed to finish up a few things.

She pulled him easily into her arms and smiled as she did. Despite his cries she was happy to be with him and it gave Ren the time he needed.

Pirika rocked him for the next hour but it did little to settle him. Still, it didn't seem to fluster her. She waited patiently, after trying to feed him and changing him. Ren did what he needed to quickly. Although things seemed fine now, both of them were exhausted and it was only a matter of time before she broke down just as Men had. Not wanting to push his luck he kept his task list short, doing only what was absolutely necessary.

Once he was finished he glanced up at the clock and saw it was only two in the afternoon. Pirika must have either been let out of her lessons early or skipped the entire ordeal after lunch. The former was definitely the more probable, but he would have a talk with Tanaka regardless. Normally he doubted she would do something like that, but she was suffering from lack of sleep and it was clear there was also something else on her mind.

Her eyes were out of focus and she seemed to be concentrating as well as she could be. He suspected he knew what was on her mind, but didn't know how to approach it. Although she was naïve and somewhat slow at times, he was relatively sure she had a suspicion of the reason he had sent her back to the hotel after they had walked around Paris.

His frustration had been clear to her even then, and she had plenty of time to put it together. She seemed capable of getting into his head when he least expected it.

In some ways it irritated him because it was a mostly new experience, to be read so easily. Jeanne had been able to sense some things, but usually had then used them against him, such as the time she became aware of how far he would go to make things work.

Part of him was happy when she did it, though he wasn't sure why. Maybe it was nice to be understood for a time, even without knowing what the end result of it would be. For some reason he trusted her and so it mattered little.

The trust actually made sense when you considered how much she had been required to trust him lately. There were a million ways he could have hurt her in the past few weeks, everything from having Bao continue stalking her every step, allowing Jeanne to stay despite how she threatened and demeaned the younger Ainu, or even leaving her in Japan.

The idea of betraying her that way didn't appeal to him. At the beginning it probably would have been tempting, but after she had hurt herself and Jun had yelled at him that changed. Then he slowly cared less and less about the promise he made and more about the knowledge that she was safe and happy. After everything that had happened now he didn't want her to leave for any reason.

Looking back over at the woman in front of him he decided he had done more than enough work for the time being so he stood and moved towards her.

"I think he just let himself get too tired." She told him when Men stopped to breath for a moment. Giving a defeated sigh he motioned towards the door. "Do you think you can get him to sleep?" he asked.

Working hard to hide a yawn she nodded and followed him to their room. As soon as they got there she sat down on the bed and began singing to him as she rocked lightly back and forth.

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She had to go through all she knew of the song three times before he really calmed down. Acting quickly Ren mixed a bottle, hoping she would be able to get him to eat since he couldn't.

As happy as he was that Men was finally eating, he felt a ping of jealousy at how easily he took the bottle from her. Ren had been struggling all day just to get him to drink an ounce or two, but here he was chugging the formula. Shouldn't he be more willing to eat from his own father?

Taking a deep breath he forced himself to accept the fact that it really didn't matter. Pirika was wonderful with him and it made her happy and that was something he wanted for her. Still, Ren wished he could be enough. No matter how hard he tried, a tiny bit of doubt remained as he watched them.

He was probably still worked up after seeing Jeanne. Although he was pleased with how things had ended up by the time they had flown home, it had been upsetting none the less. He hated how she spoke about Pirika and that she thought she had any claim whatsoever to their son.

After he had been born and Ren had left, she claimed she had cared for him the entire two weeks, but Ren was well aware she had handed him to the nearest servant the moment he was out of sight. He had never told her that he had caught her lie, mostly because he didn't see a point. It would just end in another fight.

Ren suspected that the reason Men was so determined that strangers couldn't hold him because he had been passed around frequently, never staying with Jeanne for more than a few minutes at a time. Even at such a young age it seemed he could tell that the people caring for him had little interest in the task.

Since the compound didn't have anyone specially for watching a baby and Jeanne had refused to admit her choices to the rest of the Taos he had been with whoever she could order away from duties without much suspicion and she could also expect silence from.

Partly he blamed himself for what he had been through because he had left them both knowing he couldn't fully trust his wife but he hadn't seen another option, although he had never expected her to let things go that badly. Jeanne wouldn't have come for something so 'trivial' and Ren wouldn't be able to handle a newborn with everything he and the others had been going through.

Even for him, those days were a blur, confusion and sorrow all flowing together. Looking back he doubted if he would have been level headed enough to give Men the care he needed given his anger and short temper at the time. Despite how things ended he knew it went as it had to.

A sudden noise brought his focus back to the two in front of him and what he saw made it hard not to laugh. Pirikas magic seemed to work on more than just Men because not only was he asleep in the crook of her arm and she herself had dozed off leaning against the wall with a mostly empty bottle still in her hand.

At that moment petty jealousy didn't matter. All he really thought about was how calm she looked right now. Moving forward slowly he pulled Men from her arms and lay him down on the other side of the bed. Deciding whether or not to move her was slightly more difficult.

Chances were higher that she would wake up if he tried to lie her down so he just took the bottle from her. Looking between both of them he suddenly thought back to the list of work that needed to be done.

It wouldn't be a great idea to leave them here for long, but he could probably risk running back to his office and grabbing his laptop. Though far from ideal, it would be better than nothing so he headed back down the halls.

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He had been gone less than five minutes, but she had still woken up. She glanced up at him quickly, but stayed silent as she looked away again. Either she was tired or trying to work up the courage to ask him something so he ignored it as he sat down near her on the bed, watching secretly as he loaded up his computer.

She had been ever so slowly sneaking towards him until finally he rolled his eyes. "If you are going to move just do it." He told her. Looking up again she met his eyes for a bit before giving a small smile and crawling towards him.

Once close enough she slid up under his arm and rested her head on his chest. It made things a little tricky for Ren, but he didn't want to make her move so he ignored it. She had only been beside him a minute or two when he knew she was asleep again.

Watching her sleep this way made him wish he could close his eyes as well, but that would only result in more work tomorrow and he was hoping they could do something if both of them had slept well. He had promised her they would do something special if she could read his note and she had succeeded so he would hold up his end of the bargain.

Giving the pair of them one last look he turned his full attention to his computer.

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Pirika and Men both slept soundly that night and woke up feeling much better than the day before. At the promise of going out and doing something special the Ainu girl kept up her good mood and came to his office bright eyed that afternoon.

Her eagerness was clear and it made him smirk. She was nearly beside herself with curiosity as to what he had planned, but she refused to inquire. Ren would let her know soon enough and she didn't want to look overly anxious, although they both knew it was easy for him to see that she was. Still, she didn't want to give him anything more than she already had so she restrained herself.

Being a little amused at how hard she was trying to act casual he added extra temptation by continuing with his work slowly and acting as if she hadn't walked in. He saw her getting antsier with every minute that passed until she finally picked up Men and started pacing back and forth.

More impressed with her than he had expected he stood up and walked to her. She had Men over her shoulder so he was able to move up close to her. Just as he moved in to kiss her he pulled back a smidge.

Looking into her excited blue eyes brought back difficult memories of an identical blue pair he hadn't been prepared for it. What was different this time he didn't know, but it hit him hard enough to freeze him for a moment.

His pause and change of actions had only spanned a second or two, but she still noticed. Refusing to show her knowledge or the pain that accompanied it, she just smiled as he put his arms around her and rested his head on hers. Although her trust in him had been nearly complete this made her want to think things over again.

Pirika might be slow sometimes, but she would catch on soon so he had to deal with his thoughts later. If he got distant right now he was sure she would fall back into her depression. No matter how torn he was inside he would do anything to avoid that so he decided to think about it later when he was alone.

Placing a soft kiss on the top of her head he pulled back and looked at Men for a moment. "We should leave him behind." Ren said gently, not liking the idea any more than she was going to. Just as he expected she looked upset so he explained. "You're going to need your hands so you won't be able to hold him."

Biting her lip she suddenly seemed thoughtful. "I wanna show you something." She told him, turning around and leaving the room. Now he was the curious one as he followed her back to the bedroom. Once there she went to the dresser and pulled out a long strip of cloth. Setting it out across the bed she set Men down in the center and started wrapping it around him and then herself. By the time she was finished the small boy was held firmly in place facing her chest.

Seeing him settle in so easily made Ren smirk. She had obviously been planning on bringing him around with her outside at some point because she had this ready. It was probably just something she didn't know how to bring up or was afraid would upset him.

Placing a hand on his sons head his smirk turned into a smile with how content he was. Looking back up at the woman that held him he noticed she was waiting nervously as if for approval.

"Alright." He told her nodding. Her shy smile made him want to kiss her again, but he knew he couldn't. Not yet. Not until he figured things out. "Let's go then as long as you're ready."

Again she noticed a hint of hesitation before he spoke and it scared her. Still she wouldn't show it so she headed for the door and allowed him to lead her to his chosen destination.

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She had realized where he was taking her only a little bit after they went outside and she was all but bouncing as they got to the stables. Still she kept her calm best she could until he was back with Hakuoh. As soon as the stall was open she moved in happily while working hard not to startle him.

Ren watched as the Ainu was able to approach him quickly and easily with no ill effects and he expected it would always surprise him. Dozens of other people had tried to approach him before, even the older Ainu sibling, but it never went well.

Horohoro was lucky when all he got were a few bruised ribs and Ren suspected it was because Hakuoh hadn't been trying all that hard. The snow white horse was known by the stable boys for his ability to break bones and his willingness to do so with little provocation.

Now though Ren could see the beast was calm in every way. Once she was at his side and running her hands through his mane she turned to ask the question burning in her mind. "Do I get to ride?" she asked, her excitement making her look like a six year old on their birthday. Ren thought it was adorable, a word he had never expected to use, but the one that came to mind.

"Partially." He admitted. "Today you can ride with me and we can go up into the mountains for a bit. I want you to get a feel for him before you go alone even just around the area." She was a little disappointed but wasn't going to complain as long as she got to go out. When Ren motioned her to the side so he could get him ready she obeyed quickly, getting more and more excited as she was closer and closer to getting out.

It took him a little longer than normal to prepare everything because it had been a long time since he had taken him out so not only was he slow to remember things but also Hakuoh knew what was coming and was barely keeping still. After a light swat to the nose he settled enough for Ren to work.

Once he was finished he beckoned her over. Looking up at the animal she felt a little bit apprehensive to get on and Ren smirked. Finally she feared something, but she had come to her senses too late and by now she was safe.

Not giving her a chance to back out he grabbed her around the waist and hoisted her up. She was a little nervous but still she smiled as he led the horse outside and jumped on behind her. The tiny fear she had faded as she leaned back into his chest.

Feeling the warmth of her body on his made him think back to the thoughts he had in his office. Part of him was glad they wouldn't be out for long because he needed to think, soon. He didn't want to do anything he would regret later.

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Sorry it's a cliffy, I just kinda wanted to leave it here for a bit, keep you waiting for more.

Hope you liked it, read and review


	20. Chapter 20

Thank you all for the patience, I am feeling a ton better now and have been writing as fast as I can for all of you. I can't promise regular updates yet just because I want to leave room for the unexpected. Also I won't be able to do anything between the 15th and the 23rd because my husband and I are taking a trip to the great outdoors away from the grasp of technology. We are thinking that is just what I need right now.

I will TRY and have another chapter posted for both my stories before I leave.

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Since they needed to be back before dinner they couldn't stay out for long and part of Ren was thankful. Every moment spent with her had him falling more and he wasn't sure how smart that was. After they had finished their meal he had asked her to watch Men and went downstairs to train. Hopefully that would give him the clarity he needed.

For a while he let his mind empty before he tried to pull up just what he wanted.

His biggest concern right now was why he cared. Until today he had been sure it was just because things felt right with her, but his thoughts about her brother when looking her eyes made him question that. Was there a chance that he only wanted her to hold onto any piece he had of his dead friend?

If there was any chance of that at all that was true he needed to know now. More than anything he didn't want to hurt her. She deserved better than that. If he was keeping her around with the idea that Horohoro would never really be gone he had to let go. After everything she had been through she should be allowed to have someone who wanted her for her, not to hold onto the past.

The hard part was how to tell the difference. This had been the first time he had thought about Horohoro when looking at her that way. Was that his way of warning himself that he was just making a mess out of what was already a disaster?

When he asked himself that question the things that came to mind were the way her hair smelled when she had been leaning into him this afternoon, the happiness he had felt when he saw her leaning against the pond in the French hotel, the relief when she slept peacefully back in Japan, the joy when she said she didn't want to stay there.

Did that mean anything though? Did that prove that he wanted her or was it just a way for him to still hold on? With his suspicions earlier shouldn't he have been less drawn to her? He was worried about hurting her so he had held back, but his urge to be with her hadn't left.

Even now he wanted nothing more than to go back to their room and hold her. She had been worried when he had walked away after dinner and he knew it. He just hadn't known what to say, and wouldn't until he sorted this out. Hopefully that wouldn't take long because he was already upsetting her too much.

His feelings for her were stronger than anything he had ever felt for Jeanne and he felt there could still be more there.

If it hadn't been a need to remember his friend could it be that he was just that afraid of being alone? He hated to think that he could have been that weak, but after things with Jeanne he didn't feel he should trust his own judgment.

The idea of using her for his own benefit, even subconsciously, disgusted him and he thanked his stars when he realized it couldn't be that. He truly cared for her. She wasn't just something to help him though. Well all the rest of his thoughts were mixed up right now that one stood firm. His feelings were real.

Now he was back to the question of why he cared.

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His body was aching by the time he paused, muscles pushed far past the limit he had been training for lately. Once thoughts took over his mind he stopped paying attention to anything physical, focused solely on his goal of straightening his mind. Turning towards the door he saw that his body wasn't the only thing he had been oblivious to. Jun was standing near the door watching him.

"How long have you been standing there?" he snapped. Although she didn't look surprised she raised a brow. "I can't remember ever being able to sneak up on you little brother." She said, avoiding his question. Glaring at her he grabbed a towel to dry himself off before he put his shirt back on.

She was trying to get a rise out of him, and no matter how much he wanted to, he wouldn't take her bait.

Instead he chose to ignore her until she got to the point. Knowing his hatred of mind games she did. "You've been upset since you got back. I hadn't been planning on saying anything but both you and Pirika were so upset I thought we should talk."

Finally pausing to look over he sighed. "I'm fine Jun." he told her, hoping she would leave it at that. She didn't.

"Something must have happened on your trip." She concluded. The words sounded like she was speaking to herself but he knew better.

If Ren had made anyone else aware of his destination it would be obvious, but knowing things wouldn't likely go according to plan he never said.

Her tactics weren't working so she decided to just start with all kinds of questions, refusing to leave without answers. It wasn't that she wanted to upset her brother, or push so hard, but she was worried. He had been improving drastically since the final departure of his wife but the last two days had been different. Yesterday he had been more distant than usual and today something had him distracted far more than she had seen recently.

"Why did you bring her with you?" she asked bluntly. Irritated and not wanting to deal with this at the moment he kept his answers short. "Someone needed to watch Men while I worked. I trust her and he likes her."

"If you trust her with him it would have been easier to leave them both here. You had to have known an infant wouldn't adjust well to such a drastic time change." Considering her carefully he decided how much he was willing to share. He had no intention of giving any hint of what the girl meant to him now but he also didn't want to lie to her unless necessary. It should be easy to give her enough just so she would leave satisfied.

"She agreed to watch him as long as I let her accompany me. Her nightmares still come back if she doesn't safe enough and so she refuses to sleep alone or with someone she doesn't fully trust." It was close enough to the truth. She refused to sleep when she wasn't with him specifically, but that was another thing Jun didn't need to know.

"And she trusts you that much?" Jun was slightly skeptical about how he had earned that after how rude and cold he had been towards her when the Ainu first arrived. "And do you deserve it?" she asked.

Thinking back to the reason he had come down here in the first place he looked away. "I doubt it." He spat. This seemed to answer more than enough for Jun.

"You know she isn't ready to make decisions like this yet. It's not even been four months and you're still married to another woman. She can't have a clear enough head for a relationship and you certainly shouldn't be with anyone right now."

Ren knew how she must have interpreted his shame and although it had led her right it was for the wrong reasons. She thought he was toying with her. Still, she was far too close to the truth for Ren's comfort. That and he had been afraid he was doing just that and didn't want to be reminded of it.

Losing his temper he decided to lie, but accidentally said more than he had been meaning to. "Damn it Jun it isn't like that. I had to go to Paris." Suddenly she understood at least his reserved behavior and stress.

"Jeanne found me and it all went to hell. She made the same assumptions you did and as a result I haven't been talking to Pirika much and she doesn't have a clue why. So know she thinks I'm angry with her and I finally got rid of Jeanne for good and things are not exactly going as I planned!" by the end he was shouting and was more worked up than when he came down.

Jun seemed to know he was finished with any talking so after looking at him sadly she left. He hadn't actually lied to her per se, it was more of an intentional misdirect. He had told her that it wasn't what she had thought, and since she thought he was just using her as a fall back that was true. Instead of risking giving away anything else he had brought up his trip to Paris knowing the effect it would have.

Still, his rouse would work for only so long if he continued things this way with the Ainu. No matter how they tried to hide it, secrets were meant to be spread. For now this was the best he could do. All he had to hope was that it would last until he got things figured out.

For the longest time Ren stood there, looking at the floor and absolutely motionless. When he finally broke he moved forward and started slamming his fists into the wall until they were bloody and numb. Somehow, between yelling at his sister and his sudden temper tantrum, he was given some clarity.

Seeing the time he knew Pirika would be a mess by now. She had probably put Men to bed hours ago and was just waiting for him. If she hadn't known that something was wrong before this she certainly would now. Still, he couldn't go back like this, even if the extra time made her panic.

He needed to cool his temper first or risk making things worse. Also he should clean the blood covering his hands. It wasn't possible to hide the cuts or the inevitable bruises, but that was the best he could do.

Walking slowly back towards their room he decided what to do. In the end it didn't really matter why he cared about her. The important thing was that he did, a lot and he hoped that never changed. For now, both of them were happy. Still, just in case, he vowed to himself that if anything went wrong, he would be the only one to suffer pain, no matter what it took. She had already been through enough to last a life time.

Right now though, she needed him, so he went to take a shower before going to find her.

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Walking into the room he was surprised to find it pitch black. Waiting for his night vision to kick in he wondered if she had actually gone to sleep. Since it was well after midnight he wouldn't blame her if she had. Besides, being able to sleep alone would be a huge improvement for her.

Finally able to see, he realized the only one in bed was Men. Pirika wasn't in the room at all. Wanting to check on his son first he went over to see something wrapped around him. He felt nervous as he moved towards him. It took a minute, but he was able to determine what it was and he gave a sigh of relief.

The reason it took so long for him to reach a conclusion was because, laying there wrapped around his son was the last thing he expected to see. After Pirika had gotten him to sleep it looked like she left Wakka with him, to keep him safe or alert her if something happened.

Knowing her, she wouldn't be far. If anything went wrong she would want to be there quickly. She cared too much to go that far away. That left him with very few places he needed to search and the way the full moon shown through the window he doubted it would take long.

After placing a tender kiss on Men's sleeping form he patted the odd lizard hanzaki frog whatever on the head and headed for the window.

His body screamed in pain as he scaled the wall and pulled himself onto the roof but that wouldn't stop him. She was up here and probably crying because of how he had pushed her away today. Now it was time he fixed it.

She was in the exact same spot she was every time he found her in all the times he had caught her up here. Having heard him coming she had wiped away her wet cheeks and put a stop to any other tears that might fall. Still he knew she was upset. That was too much for her to hide, no matter how good she was.

Smiling at him she motioned to the space beside her. "You look like you're feeling better." She commented lightly. Smirking at her attempt to replace the focus he moved a little farther up the roof and wrapped his arms around her from behind. "You don't." Knowing he saw right through her was frustrating and so she just pretended she hadn't heard him.

Reaching over he took her hand and gave it a soft kiss. Ignoring his action she pulled her hand from his. Giving a sigh he accepted that this wasn't going to be as easy as he had hoped. Not really knowing what to say he let silence fill the air around them until she wanted to fill it.

"I know I've told you how confusing you are before." she snapped. Ren smirked. Clearly she had noticed his hesitation with her all day. "I seem to remember deserving it then as well." His tone was light hearted, hoping to calm her, but it had the opposite effect. She just started crying again.

Saying she was confused was an understatement. Compared to this he had been easy to understand back when Jeanne was still here. Despite his sudden anger in Paris they had been happy together, or at least she thought so.

He had promised he cared about her that night and she had believed him. It had seemed like the truth when he kissed her, or when he let her hold his hand in the middle of a busy city. These weren't things the Ren she remembered would have done easily. His hidden emotions were usually only something you could guess at, but it seemed clear then.

Today he barely wanted to touch her. Nothing had changed, at least nothing she knew of. If it was because of something she did she was clueless.

As if that hadn't been hard enough to understand now he was acting like things were fine again. Coming up here he had kissed her hand and was holding her tightly. She wanted to pretend nothing had happened because she was afraid of how it would end, but she couldn't. She couldn't spend every day wondering how he felt.

"You need to tell me what you want Ren-kun." She pleaded desperately. "If you just want me to watch Men I-" "I want you." He interrupted. His voice was so confident she was stunned into momentary silence. "I don't understand." She whispered successfully fighting her tears once more. "Yeah well neither do I." he muttered angrily.

Although it had been more of a thought to himself she heard it and for some reason it made her giggle. Even she didn't really know why. The sound made him give a small smile. It didn't have to make sense to make him happy. It just had to please her.

After she got herself under control his tone grew more serious. "I'm not perfect Pirika and I never will be. All I can do is try. Please don't give up just yet."

Ren wasn't sure which part it was, but something he said soothed her. Obviously satisfied she turned halfway towards him and rested her head on his chest. She gave a contented sigh as she snuggled closer.

In that one moment everything felt perfect and he decided this had to be right. She seemed the answer to everything he wanted and he didn't care what the reason was for his attraction. He never wanted to let go. Hearing her yawn he altered his thoughts with a smirk. Right now he needed to let her go and get her to bed.

Pulling her up to her feet he led the way back to the room.

Once they were both lying down she went right back to her cuddling, placing her head back in the same place on his chest. The way his hand was gently running over her hair was putting her under quickly. "I love you Ren-kun." She whispered as her eyes closed and her breathing slowed.

Ren was glad she had fallen asleep as soon as she finished speaking because no matter how tired or trusting she was, she would have noticed the way he froze at her words.

No one but his mother and sister had ever said that to him and he didn't know how to respond. More than unsure, the simple phrase scared him. With how muddled his mind was he couldn't even process the idea of it. She would probably want a similar response but he couldn't give her one. He _wouldn't_. Not until he knew he really meant it.

Looking up at the ceiling he decided sleep wouldn't come as easily for him as it had her tonight. Everything he was doing right now just seemed to be a temporary solution. He needed to come up with something long term before the whole mess started to unravel.

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To Rens delight she seemed to have no memory of her last words the night before. There weren't words to explain how much that pleased him at the moment. He was however, extremely displeased when he saw Juns' behavior at breakfast.

Sitting next to the blunette she seemed to be just having a casual conversation, but Ren could see it was more. Her careful eyes were what really clued him in. Well that and the fact that he just knew her that well.

She was digging for clues, not entirely trusting his words the night before. Since his sister had beckoned the girl to the far end of the table Ren couldn't hear what was going on and wouldn't have any answers until Jun approached him again or he had a chance to speak to Pirika. Jun wasn't giving anything else away.

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Due to the busy nature of the day he hadn't gotten a chance to speak with her at all. That finally changed when she slipped into the room just as Ren put Men down from what was turning into a daily afternoon fuss.

She wore a shy smile as she walked over and sat halfway between the desk and the cradle. That could mean anything, Ren decided.

"You and Jun seemed to be having a number of nice discussions today." He said lightly, hoping to prod gently.

It didn't work and Pirika gave him a smirk of her own as he sat down and looked at his computer screen. "I think you know exactly what she was doing." She responded boldly. "I'm gullible. Not stupid."

Having gotten his attention he looked up at her. Obviously she was aware of far more of his thoughts than he previously suspected. He felt slightly guilty about his thoughts the other day.

Thinking back he doubted she had missed most of his struggles around her. She must have spent the whole afternoon bottled up until she was free to escape to the roof. How oblivious he was must have just made it worse.

He hadn't given her nearly the credit she deserved for her attentiveness, no matter what she had observed the day before.

Part of him wanted to wipe that confident little smirk off her face, but now wasn't the time. Besides, it was cute, even if she was being overly cocky.

"Alright then," he challenged. "If you're so sure of yourself why don't you tell me her intentions?" "She was fishing." She responded simply as if it was the easiest thing to see.

"What makes you think that?" Pirika's eyes narrowed. He thought she had just guessed or gotten lucky. That thought wouldn't last. She wouldn't let it.

"Her questions seemed innocent enough but they were pointed. They always led somewhere. Trying to change the subject would work for a bit somehow they just kept coming back to where she wanted them. If that wasn't enough you never stopped watching us. You didn't seem exactly angry but it certainly didn't make you happy."

Clearly nowhere near enough credit, he thought to himself before he asked the question he had really been waiting for. "And what did you tell her?"

Pirika was a little disappointed that he thought she would let him down when she knew how much it meant that things between them stayed silent. Nothing could make her let him down now.

"I told her I was happy that you let me follow you around so I could spend so much time with Men. How surprised I was that you let me come along with you on your trip after I begged you not to leave me here alone. That you weren't going to make me go back to Japan and stay until I was ready."

"None of her questions led to a very direct point so I didn't give her any specific answers. She asked if things were going well between us. I answered that you were the friend I needed to help me."

Although she hadn't denied anything, she had given Jun nothing new either. That was all he could ask of her and would be enough for now.

She wasn't trying to hide the fact that she was a little nervous for his reaction so he gave her a small nod. "Why don't you take Men back to the room? If you give me an hour we can go outside for a while."

Relaxing some she smiled before quickly obeying, leaving Ren in some peace.

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The amount of work Ren was able to get done without the distraction of either Pirika or Men was astounding. If he could get her to take the boy for a bit every afternoon he would be able to use part of his morning to work out. It was something he needed to start doing regularly again.

That would also take away his biggest excuse. He wanted to spend time with the two of them at night and only finished the work he needed to. If he could get all of that done in less time and had a free hour or two there was nothing that should stop him.

It was something he would ask her to do at some point tonight. There was plenty of time for it.

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Please Read and Review, Xs and Os for all.


	21. Chapter 21

Ok so I wasn't able to get any writing done on vacation because we were so busy running around and once we came home we found my computer had gone ka-put. Luckily I had a back-up flashdrive with everything on it so I lost basically nothing. The only problem is that it will be more difficult to type things up very fast but I will do my best. The trip has put my writing desires into over-drive so I'm really excited.

For now, please read, review, and enjoy.

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When he walked into the room he saw Pirika on her stomach on the bed sewing something carefully. Her focus seemed to be solely on the work at hand and she hadn't noticed him come in. Wanting to see how long it would take for her to see him he walked over to the wall and leaned against it.

This might have gone on for ever so he eventually spoke, causing her to jump. "What are you working on now?" His question slipped right through her mind as she tried to slow her heart. "Don't do that!" she snapped, far more embarrassed than angry.

Ren smirked in response, knowing just how she was feeling. "You're lucky I didn't scream." She complained. "Then you would have had to deal with a crabby little boy."

Turning towards the little one in the still slowly moving cradle with a fond smile he made a guess as to her meaning. "I take it he wasn't fond of being woken up." Pirika tried to glare at the boy she had struggled with for most of the last hour, but a loving smile shined through.

It was clear how much she loved the boy. Men deserved everything she gave him. She was wonderful for him and no matter how jealous Ren felt at times, he couldn't deny she was good for him. His pride was telling him he was enough, but for his son he would put that aside.

He also had to admit that the closer she got to Men the closer she got to him as well and that was nice. Really the idea of jealousy was idiotic and he knew it. Ren wanted them to be together and part of that had to involve Men.

Not to mention the fact that part of the reason the pair of them were spending so much time together was because he pushed them to. He needed the time to himself and she needed something to look forward to. It was in all of their best interests and he knew the slight resentment would pass in time. Hopefully it would be sooner rather than later.

"If anything wakes that child up I'll turn them into an icicle." She threatened, pulling him back to the conversation they had been having. Actually he smirked as her words reminded him of the near identical ones he had used back in Japan the morning after slipping her pills so she would sleep through the night for the first time in a week or so.

Of course she had no idea what he found amusing and was suspicious that he was planning something to wake the boy. Really she knew he wouldn't do that, but the reason was more for Men than her. Still she felt the need to make him believe.

Kororo and Wakka both appeared beside her and she looked ready to fight. Actually she looked almost eager. Instead of being in any way intimidated he was suddenly curious. Besides the fight with Jeanne he had never really seen her use her shamanic abilities. Actually he had never seen her oversoul with anything but her brothers' spirit.

He had discovered she could years ago, but he didn't really remember how though. It had been of no importance at the time. Now he wished he could recall it. With a little coaxing he might be able to test her skills on his own.

"Did you ever practice with Horohoro?" he asked, changing the subject abruptly. The mention of her brother was a risk he knew, but he thought it was one worth taking. She couldn't forget him forever and bringing up good thoughts would be a fine start to accepting the past.

If anyone knew about moving on from things you would rather forget about, it was him. Hopefully he could help her.

Any thoughts of waking Men were pushed far back in her mind as she paused. She knew she needed to talk at some point since for the most part she hadn't. Right now she was simply debating if she felt safe enough to open up for a bit.

It was guaranteed to end in tears, but she would either feel better because of them or she would feel ashamed. Looking right at the man awaiting an answer she gave a terrified smile and nodded. Just buying a little extra time she licked her lips before speaking.

"It started with things he wanted learn but needed an opponent for. Eventually it was when one of us needed to blow off a little steam or we were out boarding." Liking the way this was heading he probed a little more. Not only did he understand how good it was to just relax, but his curiosity for her talent and style were growing with every word she said.

"Are you any good?" After determining his intention wasn't threatening or insulting she shrugged. "Onii-chan wanted me to be able to take care of myself." She admitted softly.

That thought started the tears. When they were little he always told her that if something happened to him he needed to know she would be ok. It seemed almost prophetic looking back. At the time he had mostly been thinking about the time he would spend in America. Sadly it turned out that taking care of her was far more hazardous to his health than any tournament, no matter how deadly.

Wrapping her arms tightly around herself she started to fall slowly to her knees defeated but Ren stopped her. He grabbed one of her arms just enough to keep her up before he pushed her back onto the bed. Once she was sitting he moved beside her. She set her head down on his shoulder to cry and he let her.

Neither noticed how much time it took before her sobs started to suppress. Once she felt more together she sat up a bit more.

During the middle of her episode she had moved herself closer and closer to Ren until she was in his lap. She actually hadn't noticed until now and expected him to be waiting to push her back but he wasn't. Just killing time he was moving one of her hands in his own calmly and with how upset she still was she didn't want to move away so she stayed put. Until he told her to she wasn't planning on moving.

"You have to have a decent bit of skill. You managed to get the upper hand on Jeanne at least for a moment." Thinking back to that day Pirika smirked at the shock in the Maidens red eyes when she lost her temper and oversouled.

"I have a simple advantage." She told him. "And what would that be?" "Everyone under estimates me," She responded coolly before looking right at him. "Even you, even now." Now the Tao felt at least a little uncomfortable. It had only been a few hours since he had last done just that. "They think I'm helpless and I let them. It isn't long before they let their guard down."

"I'll try and remember that." He promised. Her eyes slowly softened. She didn't really blame him for thinking she was weak, everyone did and it wasn't something she had tried all that hard to correct. Until recently she hadn't known who to fully trust so she hadn't trusted any of them completely.

Actually she thought it would be a hard idea to break no matter what she did. Ren would under estimate her until the moment she got her first hit if they practiced together. The look he gave her might be enjoyable.

She actually suspected he might be planning to see what she could do already. The curiosity was just burning him. At this point the main question was how long he would wait. After placing a kiss on his cheek she went to stand up but he held her down.

"I don't remember saying I was finished with you." Pirika couldn't help but giggle. It amazed her how he could be his usual rude self and still come off sweet. Turning towards him to respond she was cut off as his lips met hers roughly.

Any thoughts she had at that moment were gone, replaced only by the feel of his arms around her.

Whatever had led him to this point he seemed desperate for more and she was happy to give it. Being held and loved was something she was craving after feeling so vulnerable after her break down. For some odd reason she didn't care to look into, it made her feel protected.

In that one moment when their lips met she just knew Ren wouldn't let anything hurt her. She hadn't felt this safe since her brother had been with her.

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After dinner was finished Pirika brought Men up to the room while Ren called someone to find Bao. Unlike the night before, even in a wrap the infant couldn't come and that meant someone had to watch him. Jun would have been the best option but Ren wasn't willing to give her fire any more fuel so he chose the next best thing.

As much as he hated to leave the boy behind they both needed a break. Sure Pirika loved spending time with him, but he was still waking up once every night to be fed and she always got up with him. The only break she ever got was when she was doing her lessons and that was likely only more stressful.

Not to mention it wouldn't really be safe. If he wanted to see her skills things would get risky. They were both willing to get a little bunged up for the fun of it, but Men was little and breakable. No matter how careful you were accidents could always happen.

If he didn't watch himself he could easily over power her in seconds. She might be good but he was one of the best and wouldn't be anywhere near at his level.

After sending a kyonshi off to find the one servant that Pirika could speak to he followed her up to the room. She had an idea of what Ren had been doing and so she was making sure he was fed and changed so at the very least if he cried himself to sleep he would be fine until they got back.

Someday she hoped he would be able to be away from them for a bit without panicking, but it was doubtful today was that day. By the time Bao arrived he was satisfied, though that would only last until they left the room.

Pirika turned to smile at the other girl but she was avoiding her gaze. Trying not to take it personally she turned towards Ren and nodded. "I'm ready." She told him.

Ren glared as he caught the exchange of the two. At this point Bao was as bad as all the others. She was just as cold and indifferent to her. Sure she could at least understand and be understood but due to their earlier companionship it hurt her more.

The stupid prejudices that humans had absolutely disgusted him. Bao had been fine with the Ainu until she started speaking to her guardian ghosts and climbed up on the roof. It just proved what they thought was important.

She was different. That was enough of a reason for Bao to fully change her opinion. Pirika never did anything wrong but that didn't matter. It never would with humans.

Every once and a while in, at a time like this, his old feelings would come back. He just wanted to destroy them all. Luckily it was just an urge and he had more than enough control to keep himself from doing anything he couldn't take back. Yoh had given him that much.

"Try and get him to sleep first." He recommended to the blunette.

Pirika shook herself. She should have thought of that. Picking the little one up off the bed she moved to the rocking chair and started singing softly to him.

Not knowing what was in store it wasn't long before he began to doze off. Within minutes he was sound asleep. Crossing her fingers that he would stay that way for a few hours the pair of them left.

Ren had started off down the hall but Pirika slipped into her old room. She had been hoping to get in and grab what she wanted before he noticed.

Moving quickly she reached one hand under the bed and pulled out the tool she had hidden there. It was broken but it would still work. Wakka wasn't used to anything else.

Glancing at her snowboard she shook her head. She needed to find something for her and Kororo to use. Training with her would help her feel close to her brother, but fighting with the board her brother made her would be too much.

For now she couldn't handle it. She might never be able to.

Debating had cost her more time than she had realized and before she knew he was there Ren plucked the weapon from her hand.

Obviously handmade, there was a foot long wooden spear with what looked like a huge fish hook at the end that came just a little before the tip of the spear. It was a little hard to be sure because the end of the five inch tall hook was broken off. Still, it looked like a barb could have been there.

Having a clue what had happened to it he moved on. Likely Horohoro had made both the hook and the spear, but Pirika must have done the rest. The hook was secured with what looked like thin rope made of animal skin. On the handle was a strip of leather hide to protect her hand from splinters.

It was wonderfully constructed. Turning his attention back to the hook he touched the end of it. Somehow she must have snapped it off because the metal was ragged.

If he hadn't been sure about its purpose before he definitely was when he looked up and saw her. Arms wrapped around herself Pirika was staring at the floor. She knew Ren had figured it out and was nervous but more than that she was ashamed. Thinking back she could fathom what had made her use the weapon her brother had given her to do it. It would have killed him to know he gave her what she needed at the time.

At the very least this answered the question of where she had gotten the shard she had used to slit her wrists. Ren had always wondered what had happened. He looked through the room when she was out one day and he couldn't find anything missing. Of course he had looked through her bag, not to her knowledge, but he hadn't expected her to have another piece of it so he hadn't torn the room apart.

Nothing good could come of bringing this up now so he just handed it back and looked between the two sprits. Knowing he was avoiding it for a reason she gave him a tiny bow, just enough for him to notice. "What is it?" he asked.

Releasing some of the tension she had been holding in she gave him a nervous smile. "It's used for fishing. If you were using it normally it would be attached to a longer pole, but since I only use it to oversoul I just make that part."

Ren certainly understood that. Having done nearly all his training with a kwan dao it was difficult to adjust to the bao-lei sword. Instead of messing with it he just shaped his oversoul to the weapon he wanted.

"Wakka lives in the water and loves fish so it just seemed right. Now what I want to find is something to use with Kororo." Ren considered it for a moment. Glancing at her board he guessed the reason that hadn't been considered.

"Come with me." He ordered, leading the way downstairs. She didn't really know what was going on until they arrived in the training room and he gestured over to the far wall. Somehow she had missed it the other time she was here, but the nearly the entire wall was covered with weapons of all types. Most were of Chinese origin, but some were from all parts of the globe.

"Weapons are something this family will never be in short supply of." He told her with a smirk. Looking around she had to say he was right. She had never seen this many different items in one place before. It was impossible to know where to start.

Seeing her hesitation he looked around to see what might be her style. "Do you ever use anything bigger than that?" he asked her, motioning to the spear head in her hand. "Never to fight." She answered. "When we went out boarding I needed to use my snowboard just to keep up, but that's all."

Although Pirika wasn't tiny, she was a little shorter than himself and had more curves than skin and bones Jeanne did, but with her experience holding a small light item that would be easiest transition. Real weapons were heavy and she wouldn't be used to maneuvering and balancing the extra weight.

Really he expected that the more similar the feel of the weapon in her hand the faster she could adjust. With that in mind he looked at the daggers, grabbing one with a more primitive handle like her spearhead.

Handing it over he watched as she considered it. In the end she just shrugged. Nothing stood out to her so she was willing to try anything. With a smile he led her outside to the stables.

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"Where are we going?" she asked curiously once they were on Hakuoh and heading into the tree line. Ren just smirked. "Someplace I used to go to be alone." was the only cryptic answer he would give. For some reason he had wanted to bring her to one specific place. It was the one location he had that no one else had ever been.

The last time he had gone there was months ago, after he and Jeanne had fought about one stupid thing or another. That had been back before the first snowfall of the year. Now it was January and he was eager to see it again.

Since he had first started going out with Jeanne he had little time for himself. Maybe that had been part of the problem. With Pirika not only did he not feel the need to be alone as much, but also she gave him space when needed.

Finally once they got to the first landmark, a half fallen tree he smirked. Now it was about to get a lot more fun. "Do you trust me?" he asked suddenly. Not understanding at all she glanced over her shoulder at him and nodded. "Y-yeah." Something told her things were about to go badly.

His smirk grew at her concern. "Then hold on." He whispered in her ear before he kissed her neck. Giving a shiver at his touch and a nervous giggle at his words she leaned back into him just as he spurred the horse into a run.

His hideaway was a decent distance, which was part of the appeal. On the downside though, it meant either a long trek or a fast one. Personally he was partial to the second, especially with how the Ainu girl moved closer to him.

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Ren didn't slow the beast until they were nearly there. When they got back into a walk he felt her finally relax some. "You alright?" he asked in amusement. Turning back she glared at him, but couldn't hide the excitement in her eyes or the flush on her face.

Not caring much about the answer he leaned forward and started kissing her neck again before he whispered in her ear. "Close your eyes." He instructed. She was nervous again as she obeyed.

Ren didn't want her to look around the clearing until they were fully out of the trees. He knew her well enough to know she would love this. Coaxing Hakuoh to a stop he jumped off and grabbed her waist and lifted her off. She had held tightly to him as he set her on the ground. Still keeping her eyes shut she was totally reliant on him for stability.

Once she was down he let her open her eyes and look around. Seeing the clearing she was speechless. In the northwest corner there was a large pond right up against a rocky cliff. There was a layer of ice on part of the mountain and judging by the way it went down through the crevice made her sure that in the summer months it was a little waterfall.

The pond emptied with a small creek running south on the west side of the field. She could just picture it in the summer with the trees in bloom and wild grass and flowers all around. That thought was nice, but she loved the way it looked now.

The creek and pond glistened with a layer of crystal clear ice and sparkling snow covered the ground. Tree branches all around were coated in glistening frost. The entire scene looked frozen in time. Off in the distance she could see a few mountains that would be great for boarding not far off. In all it was a perfect paradise that reminded her of home.

"It's beautiful." She whispered, trying not to focus on the thought of going home. It was a wonderful idea, but she didn't think it would ever happen. Ren's home was here and he was all she had now. Imagining herself in the woods and mountains of Hokkaido wouldn't do anyone any good. Biting it back she buried it all as deep as she could and put on a sneaky smile.

Her back was to Ren and she could hear him looking around, checking if anything had changed since his last trip. She was relatively sure he hadn't been here since her arrival and it seemed a special place for him.

Maybe it wasn't exactly fair, but she decided her best chance of getting the upper hand would be by catching him off guard. Chances were he would see her coming before she even made her move. Still it was worth a try.

Making tiny movements she reached down to her waist and opened the small belt pouch she had made for her hook. Her free hand went out of his view and in front of her while she summoned Wakka. It might be smarter to start with Kororo because of pure strength but she had no desire to get the feel of a new oversoul while trying to sneak up on Ren.

Over a year had passed since she had last felt this spear in her hand, but it came back quickly. Everything felt right as she took one last deep breath to ready herself.

Unlike she expected Ren only saw her early enough to dodge. There hadn't been even the slightest chance of Oversouling Bason in time. To be fair he had let his guard down around her. Her brother had been the one to play tricky when he wanted a laugh.

Getting back to his feet Ren brushed the snow off his pants and looked over coldly. "Well that certainly wasn't very nice, though I have an idea where you learned it." He lectured. If he had even wanted to be angry he couldn't have been at how proud she looked.

She wouldn't try that again and both of them knew it. He wouldn't let his guard down again.

The fact that her attack had worked had surprised her almost as much as the attack had surprised him. She couldn't help but laugh and give him a cocky smile. "Guess you aren't as on your game as you think you are." She taunted.

If it wasn't for that captivating half smile she gave he would knock her down a few notches. That didn't mean he wouldn't get his revenge one way or another. If she wanted to play that way he was happy to oblige.

Grabbing his sword he had it extended in in a flash and Bason merged quickly. For now he wanted to test her a bit so he would know what level she was at. Having never even seen her battle he didn't want to go to hard right off the bat. If he got her frustrated he might not get another chance at this.

Starting slowly he was surprised when she dodged some of his attacks and blocked most of the rest. She was a little clumsy at first but after about ten minutes she got into the feel of it again. Her moves were effortless as she darted around the field.

During this time she had only made an attack or two, choosing to watch him carefully first. Finally seeing her chance she faked a falter in her step to lure him in. He had seen what she had done but wanted to see what she had planned so he moved in anyway.

Knowing it was a trap he kept his guard up for a full out attack but she didn't go straight to that. His expectation was that she would wait until he was close and attack that way.

In the end he was only part right. She waited until he was right in front of her to making a tiny dodge. It was just enough to let him slip by and still be able to get to him. As soon as he was past her she jerked out her spear and caught the hook around his ankle.

Since that was far from what he was expecting it actually worked, sending him flying to the ground. Spinning her spear around as he jumped to his feet she pushed the end right into his chest to keep him a good three feet away from her.

Her gaze was steady as she met his eye. "You gave me that chance intentionally." She accused, rather offended. The fact that he was only using a fraction of his power wasn't that bad. She knew it was necessary. Her brother had done the same thing.

What did upset her was the fact that he thought she needed extra help beyond that. "If you choose to underestimate me fine, it will mean you're the same as the rest of them. I'm used to that. What you can't do is baby me. Temper your strength not your strategies. Onii-chan trained me himself so anything less is an insult to him."

Forget offended, Ren decided. She was pissed. Her speech about insulting her brother made him angry. "You might want to watch that temper." He muttered coldly. Despite her words being true the thought of doing anything offensive to her brothers' memory made him mad. She was only here in the first place because of his loyalty.

In that one moment of all of the anger and frustration he had felt after the accident bubbled to the surface. It was stupid. It was weak. Still he couldn't stop himself as he pushed away her spear and readied himself. If she wanted a fight he was happy to oblige.

Seeing him ready himself she had just enough time to prepare herself. They had both completely lost their tempers and a full grip on reality.

Pirika adapted her style slightly as he came at her. She dodged some of his attacks but was more inclined to block it so she could get up in his face. Any strategy she had been planning went out the window with her temper. The pair of them just carelessly threw attack after attack.

Neither knew how much time had passed before Ren made a crucial error.

Although she used more subtle tactics instead of the head on attacks her brother favored, she moved just like him. It was easy to let himself pretend it wasn't her, to pretend it was the friend who had so carelessly left them all.

That was his mistake.

For one moment he forgot the most important thing he had to remember, to not put much furyoku into his attacks. In just one motion he had sent her flying a good thirty feet into a tree.

Luckily for her, years of snowboarding practice had her well trained for avoiding large natural objects she was hurdling towards. In the slit second she had she managed to spin her body so only her side hit, protecting both her back and shoulders. Also she had put her spear between herself and the tree. It shattered her oversoul but softened the crash some.

Like her brother, she had broken her arm before in a boarding accident and was not in any way eager to repeat the experience.

The moment she had left the ground Ren would have given anything to have taken it back. Nothing could have stopped the hit, but he got to her as fast as he could anyway.

To his surprise she was laughing. He hadn't actually seen the impact and was starting to think she had hit her head. Looking up at him her eyes were sparkling like he hadn't seen yet.

"That hurt!" she laughed as if surprised by the fact. Now he was sure she hit her head. "I'm fine Ren-kun." She assured him, guessing the thoughts that bothered him. Grabbing the spearhead that had fallen beside her she was about to oversoul again but he reached forward and yanked it away from her.

"We're done." He snapped angrily. The thought of trying to change his mind occurred to her, but his tone kept her quiet. Reaching down he grabbed her hand and pulled her to her feet. Without another word he beckoned Hakuoh over and lifted her on. Less than a minute had passed before they were heading back.

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